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Do you have a Negative habit loop?
6 years ago
So, first little update to tell you where the tittle comes from.
Today was my first day of (Finnish) web training of Opi nopeammin, Työskentele tehokkaammin ->Learn faster, work more effectively. It's not that special wed training at all. Actually it just so far has repeated same stuff that Old Fox (Finnish radio Pod-caster) has taught me.
Anyways that said, yes that web-training was nothing special, but their Facebook group, and one message I got there - WAS!
A person named Raiku told me - "How he previously had very strong, and unknown to him, beliefs of himself being able to learn only things where he already was good at. In short. If he didn't feel being good at something, he felt that it was pointless to even try. And that even trying was too shameful and embarrassing if he didn't know that he could do it. This lead to point that he rarely tried to learn new things. And when he was young, he occasionally was good. As he almost solely only did things where he was already good at. Later it became a problem."
Now what I find so significant on this. Is that I was like that too. And I dare to suspect that many of you are like this on varying degrees. - WHY it is so?
To me it is all about Negative motivation loop that has snowballed on me.
Like to me it went like this.
I did thing where I was very good at. - I got praised and cheered and felt rush of dopamine (that rush feeling of high that comes when our body gives us a dose of dopamine hormone)
-> I started to focus on doing things where I am good at to get more of that feeling and attention, praise and cheers
But not only that - Even worse was that when I wasn't very good at something, there was this negative effect of some looking down at me with blame or just casually (because they had been envious previously or something when i had been good.) And I got feelings of shame and guild.
That my friend is very bad thing. It feeds bad habit loop of only doing things where one is good at! And avoiding things even being afraid of things where one is afraid to feel shame or guilt
When I only did things where I was good at. - I usually hardly improved after a while. It actually got rather sick and stressing way of pretending that I am good or better. And in fact, when I tried more than I could do. I just wasn't able to learn anything at all. And this has haunted me over and over again in my life. More or less all of my life.
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My questions to you are.
Are you guilty to bad habit loop? - one where you focus on doing and improving things where you already are good at, and avoiding things where you are not because youd feel ashamed and guilt of not being good at once?
What has been cost of this negative habit loop to you. -> Do you want to get rid of it?
However strange thing is, once you start taking steps and more steps to dark, you fear it less and less, and get to know more and more of it. It is almost like a video-game that you are exploring new potentially hazardous area.
Be well prepared, have some knowledge, and dare to love the possibility of making something a new with whatever you have are given to deal with.
hugs you tightly.
I want to get rid of it, and am doing what I can to do so, but it is a Hell of a struggle.
First of all, thank you so very much for replying here. It was huge surprise to me. I didn't expect that people would read my stuff like you apparently did.
My dear friend. I feel you, I so feel you. I actually wrote much the same stuff you mentioned from my history on a note to a friend just days ago. Perhaps over the time I will share it here openly too. It is something that I am not proud of.
It has taken lot of time to process and get to understand and accept it all. I have not got rid of it nor I think that you could. Because what we try to avoid or deny actually gets stronger and haunts our mind even more.
Hey. I have feeling that book from Byron Katie "Love what is" would do lot good to you.
Just make sure that you will read it through, even if you would not do any of the exercises at first. - Just get yourself more tools to process your life that there is. And then when you have mulled it over and over and are ready to.. read it once again and do those exercises.
There are lot of other books, but this one I think could be most beneficial to you. It is little weird and hard to digest but have open mind my dear friend and remember. What ever that makes us react hard. Like makes us angry or something is likely what we should pay more attention to. - So regardless of what you feel while you read it. Read it through and give your best to truly understand what is said there on that book.
Truly my friend. The best and most useful lessons for me have come from books I disagreed, even hated at first. Some I still disagree at least partly. But I see and have learned much wisdom and most of all, new points of views!
That is what makes difference my friend. Read and find new point of view. Find yourself a new ways to think.