FA+
Shop
Burnout
6 years ago
So, it's now Spring 2019, and the one pic I've managed to finish (that was already on the backlog) I had to pull down for personal reasons (Please do not ask me why, I will ignore inquires about it)
I know things have been slow, but now I feel as though I'm taking steps backwards in my art progress.
How did it get this bad?
The very short answer is: Life is getting in the way.
The longer answer is a tangled sweater of frustration, Drama, taking up new projects, and personal issues.
Frustration: No matter what I do, I can't help but shake this feeling that people wouldn't walk across the street to pee on my art even if it's on fire. I don't know if it's my high anxiety, or if there is a legit amount of truth to it. It just feels like no matter how much I try, what I draw, or where I post it to, I can't get people to pay attention to my work. I have all but given up on trying to play the "Post at a certain time on Instagram to get the most views" game I was playing last year. Now, I GET this isn't a popularity contest, and I shouldn't let it bother me. I tell myself this pretty much every day. Sometimes, it just feels like I'm that tree that fell in a forest that no one heard. I try not to let it bother me, but sometimes it does, and I just have to remember to keep trying. That's all I can really do without putting my art on a sign and beating people with it while screaming "YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE ME"
Internet Drama Not gonna elaborate. Last year was just a mess of Livejournal-like proportions and I'll leave it at that.
New Projects I am taking a trip to Japan in September. This means I have 6 months to get a grasp on Japanese. This is involving hours of studying every night, which is cutting into my already limited free-time. Unfortunately, art is having to take a back burner. I -HAVE- to learn this in 6 months or I'm going to be in a world of hurt. This isn't a bad thing, because I've wanted to take on Japanese for a while. I want to be able to buy import games and not have to be so reliant on fan translations anymore. It's going to pay off, I'm just upset that it's coming at the expense of my main hobby.
Personal Issues Depression is the boss that never dies, you just get it down to one hit point and it goes away for a while. Well, this fucker must have found a supply of Elixirs somewhere and has been freebasing them, because my GOD it hasn't been going and staying away for long. Related to an issue above, I found myself saying to myself "You'll never be anyone's favorite artist" and I'm like.... where the FUCK did this come from? That one kept me down for several weeks, and it still keeps popping up. Then it brings up other shit, like how I miss my dad, how I miss my cat, what's going to happen to me if my husband ever dies, and other dark fucking shit I can't get into. Sometimes the only thing I can do to keep the fucker in its closet at 1 HP where it belongs is to play video games to get my mind off of it.
Final Fantasy XIV Without the long story, I broke up with WoW, because their devs really pissed me off recently. MMOs tend to be my security blanket when I'm REALLY having an anxiety episode. So I started an FFXIV account to help. Because it's a brand new pretty world, I've been kind of hooked on it.
So yeah. So yeah, had to get this shit off of my chest. I want to do more art, and I have a million ideas. Sometimes, it's just REALLY fucking difficult to get to the tablet. For those that do stick by me, thanks a bunch. I know I'm not the best artist or person, but I try. I just want put a smile on people's faces, because really, that's all I'm good at.
I know things have been slow, but now I feel as though I'm taking steps backwards in my art progress.
How did it get this bad?
The very short answer is: Life is getting in the way.
The longer answer is a tangled sweater of frustration, Drama, taking up new projects, and personal issues.
Frustration: No matter what I do, I can't help but shake this feeling that people wouldn't walk across the street to pee on my art even if it's on fire. I don't know if it's my high anxiety, or if there is a legit amount of truth to it. It just feels like no matter how much I try, what I draw, or where I post it to, I can't get people to pay attention to my work. I have all but given up on trying to play the "Post at a certain time on Instagram to get the most views" game I was playing last year. Now, I GET this isn't a popularity contest, and I shouldn't let it bother me. I tell myself this pretty much every day. Sometimes, it just feels like I'm that tree that fell in a forest that no one heard. I try not to let it bother me, but sometimes it does, and I just have to remember to keep trying. That's all I can really do without putting my art on a sign and beating people with it while screaming "YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE ME"
Internet Drama Not gonna elaborate. Last year was just a mess of Livejournal-like proportions and I'll leave it at that.
New Projects I am taking a trip to Japan in September. This means I have 6 months to get a grasp on Japanese. This is involving hours of studying every night, which is cutting into my already limited free-time. Unfortunately, art is having to take a back burner. I -HAVE- to learn this in 6 months or I'm going to be in a world of hurt. This isn't a bad thing, because I've wanted to take on Japanese for a while. I want to be able to buy import games and not have to be so reliant on fan translations anymore. It's going to pay off, I'm just upset that it's coming at the expense of my main hobby.
Personal Issues Depression is the boss that never dies, you just get it down to one hit point and it goes away for a while. Well, this fucker must have found a supply of Elixirs somewhere and has been freebasing them, because my GOD it hasn't been going and staying away for long. Related to an issue above, I found myself saying to myself "You'll never be anyone's favorite artist" and I'm like.... where the FUCK did this come from? That one kept me down for several weeks, and it still keeps popping up. Then it brings up other shit, like how I miss my dad, how I miss my cat, what's going to happen to me if my husband ever dies, and other dark fucking shit I can't get into. Sometimes the only thing I can do to keep the fucker in its closet at 1 HP where it belongs is to play video games to get my mind off of it.
Final Fantasy XIV Without the long story, I broke up with WoW, because their devs really pissed me off recently. MMOs tend to be my security blanket when I'm REALLY having an anxiety episode. So I started an FFXIV account to help. Because it's a brand new pretty world, I've been kind of hooked on it.
So yeah. So yeah, had to get this shit off of my chest. I want to do more art, and I have a million ideas. Sometimes, it's just REALLY fucking difficult to get to the tablet. For those that do stick by me, thanks a bunch. I know I'm not the best artist or person, but I try. I just want put a smile on people's faces, because really, that's all I'm good at.
s0an
~s0an
Your depression paragraph hits home.
