Yup. Was supposed to have Yarek come and see me. It snowed and blocked every fucking pass from Seattle to Missoula. Can't have Nieve travel here nor me travel to him, and the likelihood of Casca considering coming here after the last few weeks is pretty much non-existent. Why do I even fucking bother trying to have a decent birthday? Every day for the last 16 years my birthdays have been nothing but miserable failures, with plans either falling through me me trying to commit suicide. Don't worry, I'm not gonna try anything stupid(This year, anyways). I am beyond fucking pissed and miserable about how this last week even has turned out.

Honestly, I really shouldn't be bitching. I still have people that give a shit about me. I can't control the weather. But it's so, so frustrating. Every time I've tried to do something, with anyone, massive complications have arisen or plans made have completely been dashed. And to make matters worse there are strained relationships where I'm not 100% sure where I stand anymore, and it was my own fault. I just want things to go well for once. I wanted so badly to see my partner, it's been 4 years now, and not for lack of trying. And I am working so, so hard on improving myself, not only as a person, but my situation as well. I'm tired of things always ending poorly. I'm just...I don't even know anymore...