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Hi! I'm alive and back! (update and some thoughts) <3
6 years ago
So... Long time no see, huh? Heyo there. I'm still alive and back.
How are you? How have you been?
Whoa... 4 years. It feels like it was a lifetime ago... Ehh.
I want to say I'm back and stay after being gone for so long. A lot of things have happened and changed. Life has changed.
I thought I'll keep this journal short and just write few words I'm back... but I guess not anymore.
It may sound stupid but when I think back 4-5 years back to how things where and who I were back then... I can't almost remember. Feels like it was in another lifetime and I was almost another person.
I'd love to say I'm finally doing better and I have my shit together and all is perfect. But I can't. Heh.
Past few years have been tough for me. I've been dealing with anxiety and depressive episodes, having it really hard to deal with. Tough.
So tough that I've stopped painting - which always helped me through, was therapeutic for me and I always loved it. I've been trying to get back to it many times, but just couldn't. Weird, huh?
I kinda escaped into cosplaying and prop making. I made a Commander Sarah Palmer cosplay from Halo. Never thought I'd ever manage to do a cosplay. But I know it was an escape. Me trying to deal with stuff I couldn't do.
Last year... Well. Last year has been a beautiful roller coaster. My life changed. I changed. So much changed... It felt like I was alive again. Beautiful moments. Beautiful memories. Felt like I was getting whole again. And break into then fall apart. Bittersweet.
Silly how a single person can change you.
But I've started to paint. Not every day like back then. But paint - it's better than nothing, right? Babysteps are still progress. I've even went into traditional art! Something I've never done before... Did the Inktober for the first time in my life - never painted with ink before.
I live in Warsaw now. Moved in this year. And trying to get my shit together. And back to what I've always wanted - be an artist and do what I love for a living - painting. I'll try to do that now.
I'm trying to get back on track. With everything.
And I can see that not only I changed but my art did, after all these years. My approach. Dunno. Something changed... Ehh. It seriously feels like I'm a completely different person. I've changed so much.
I'm bit rusty. But I'm not worse. And I plan on getting better. Improving. I'm always learning.
I plan on painting every day. Getting back to doing commissions. And in the meantime some personal art for my portfolio. Also, I want to livestream, I already did lately on twitch - I always notify and you're always welcome to join.
I want to finish uploading the Inktober pieces and then I'll have some other traidional art to post. And some digital art.
I want to paint again. It feels nice. It feels so nice. I want it that way.
I think I'm finally back.
- Mara
How are you? How have you been?
Whoa... 4 years. It feels like it was a lifetime ago... Ehh.
I want to say I'm back and stay after being gone for so long. A lot of things have happened and changed. Life has changed.
I thought I'll keep this journal short and just write few words I'm back... but I guess not anymore.
It may sound stupid but when I think back 4-5 years back to how things where and who I were back then... I can't almost remember. Feels like it was in another lifetime and I was almost another person.
I'd love to say I'm finally doing better and I have my shit together and all is perfect. But I can't. Heh.
Past few years have been tough for me. I've been dealing with anxiety and depressive episodes, having it really hard to deal with. Tough.
So tough that I've stopped painting - which always helped me through, was therapeutic for me and I always loved it. I've been trying to get back to it many times, but just couldn't. Weird, huh?
I kinda escaped into cosplaying and prop making. I made a Commander Sarah Palmer cosplay from Halo. Never thought I'd ever manage to do a cosplay. But I know it was an escape. Me trying to deal with stuff I couldn't do.
Last year... Well. Last year has been a beautiful roller coaster. My life changed. I changed. So much changed... It felt like I was alive again. Beautiful moments. Beautiful memories. Felt like I was getting whole again. And break into then fall apart. Bittersweet.
Silly how a single person can change you.
But I've started to paint. Not every day like back then. But paint - it's better than nothing, right? Babysteps are still progress. I've even went into traditional art! Something I've never done before... Did the Inktober for the first time in my life - never painted with ink before.
I live in Warsaw now. Moved in this year. And trying to get my shit together. And back to what I've always wanted - be an artist and do what I love for a living - painting. I'll try to do that now.
I'm trying to get back on track. With everything.
And I can see that not only I changed but my art did, after all these years. My approach. Dunno. Something changed... Ehh. It seriously feels like I'm a completely different person. I've changed so much.
I'm bit rusty. But I'm not worse. And I plan on getting better. Improving. I'm always learning.
I plan on painting every day. Getting back to doing commissions. And in the meantime some personal art for my portfolio. Also, I want to livestream, I already did lately on twitch - I always notify and you're always welcome to join.
I want to finish uploading the Inktober pieces and then I'll have some other traidional art to post. And some digital art.
I want to paint again. It feels nice. It feels so nice. I want it that way.
I think I'm finally back.
- Mara
anyway, welcome back, and good to hear from you again. :)
I'd like to watch you stream, but twitch won't let me watch unless I log in with facebook... which I don't have, and don't want. :P maybe one can talk you into using picarto? *looks innocent*
And what? Seriously? It forces you to log in with facebook? Never had such thing myself... Damn. Maybe I'll try Picarto too. I'm not even familiar with it TBH, I'll try to give it a try in the future.
I guess we'll see how it works out with picarto. I recommend implementing a little animation on the side, as picarto sometimes freezes. XD