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Dropping
6 years ago
General
It... kinda makes me feel bad when I see someone talk about something they enjoyed doing, but it was the opposite when I tried doing it with them.
It's not like I was in their way or anything. They avoided me as hard as they could. Even when trying to bend over backwards trying to please people (sometimes literally...), it wasn't enough. It was never enough.
And it was more of the same. I'd make them stuff that they say they wanted, and I'd get started right away, but I wouldn't even hear back from them unless I almost literally had to beg them.
What I didn't realize then was that they were probably just trying to get me to make anything to disappear for a while. But why? What was I doing wrong? I was doing everything they wanted, so why does this keep happening?
It's one of many things that I often think about. Think for far too long on. So long that it has hindered my ability to do much of anything else for too long.
I have to find away to drop these worries; to forget these woes. To clear my head and start doing stuff again.
But I all too often have the feeling that if I do that, if I walk away from people and forget them, that I'm a horrible person for doing so. I want to give people chances. Multiple chances. I want to be at peace with people.
I want some of my old friends back. But it's been years, and not so much as a peep from them even though they are more than active everyday.
I don't know. There seem to be too many things that make me feel bad, and it's almost always because of another person.
I had my ideas as to how to clear my head, but that will take a while and a lot of money.... So until then, I have to look for alternatives.
...It's quite the feeling to see everyone playing and having fun in the streets, but they all stop and stare when you walk down the street, moving shamefully to a lonely existence you didn't want nor asked for, only for everyone to resume when you are gone.
This has happened to me both literally and figuratively.
I think I'll start dropping these bad thoughts by first dropping my tired, overheated tail in the bed for a while...
It's not like I was in their way or anything. They avoided me as hard as they could. Even when trying to bend over backwards trying to please people (sometimes literally...), it wasn't enough. It was never enough.
And it was more of the same. I'd make them stuff that they say they wanted, and I'd get started right away, but I wouldn't even hear back from them unless I almost literally had to beg them.
What I didn't realize then was that they were probably just trying to get me to make anything to disappear for a while. But why? What was I doing wrong? I was doing everything they wanted, so why does this keep happening?
It's one of many things that I often think about. Think for far too long on. So long that it has hindered my ability to do much of anything else for too long.
I have to find away to drop these worries; to forget these woes. To clear my head and start doing stuff again.
But I all too often have the feeling that if I do that, if I walk away from people and forget them, that I'm a horrible person for doing so. I want to give people chances. Multiple chances. I want to be at peace with people.
I want some of my old friends back. But it's been years, and not so much as a peep from them even though they are more than active everyday.
I don't know. There seem to be too many things that make me feel bad, and it's almost always because of another person.
I had my ideas as to how to clear my head, but that will take a while and a lot of money.... So until then, I have to look for alternatives.
...It's quite the feeling to see everyone playing and having fun in the streets, but they all stop and stare when you walk down the street, moving shamefully to a lonely existence you didn't want nor asked for, only for everyone to resume when you are gone.
This has happened to me both literally and figuratively.
I think I'll start dropping these bad thoughts by first dropping my tired, overheated tail in the bed for a while...
