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Big ol' 30
7 years ago
General
Hap bday, me! Later this morning, I'm going to see Detective Pikachu, hope I can score some pokemon cards!
Takes me back to when I was like 10 and I went to go see Pokemon, and scored some pokemon cards. Which is what I'm hoping the Detective Pikachu experience is like!
Gonna wear my Team Spark shirt, debating bringing my switch, despite my Let's Go being... Not far
Then probably going to my parents' house.
This also works as a mini-update, because I'd wanted to release my album today because, well... 30 is a milestone! But self-imposed creative deadlines aren't something I'm good at, and my life outside art-stuff has been so stressful.
I'm not looking to make excuses, and I'm so sincerely thankful for those that check up on releases from time to time! But I do wanna vent or let people know what I've been dealing with.
Since early last year, I've been on anti-depressants to manage my anxiety and well... Depression, lol. The slightest bit of criticism or negativity directed my way, was enough to send me spiralling for hours, where I'd be afraid to just talk it out because I was so certain that I was a problem, a bother, etc. My weekends, if I'd nothing planned, just became a blur because I wouldn't have the energy or impulse to find something to do (especially on Saturdays) and would generally just... Lay in bed and sleep the day away until I started work again on Monday. Things have gotten better in that respect, but that's due in large part to the knowledge I have to actually seek things to do and that waiting for something to happen just leads to naps.
I've been burning out, too. Last year, I sprained my ankle something fierce and couldn't work for about 3 weeks. Upon coming back, I also took it easy and did 4 or 3 day work weeks, but I completely used up all my vacation time, so I haven't had a week off in about 8 months. I don't think a week off can save me at this point and if I. Honest, I don't want it to, I want to leave and find something better, as I should have done 10 years ago.
Everything about my life hsd become a routine, a blur, especially for the past 5 or so years. I haven't been able to visit friends in the states to break it up, since I just can't afford to with how little I'm making and how much I'm in credit card debt. I've put myself into a corner and so I have to make change.
That aside, I've been dealing with a trash roommate whom is probably my main source of grief: despite having spoken with him many times about it, he doesn't do dishes, doesn't clean up and doing so for him is so exhausting... I've had a couple breakdowns over it. He's also been one to just up and quit his job without securing another one first. About 2 years ago, his seasonal job ended, and he was out of work for 5 months, but rather than talk to his other roommates, he just avoided us, staying at his girlfriend's place or holing up in his room. He was responsible for paying rent at the time and so that lasted 2 months before I was instead the one responsible for rent.
He went back to his old job, and it was fine for a while, until they kept giving him full time hours. He couldn't handle the stress of the job and so he up and quit on the spot, giving his two weeks notice (to be fair, his boss also threatened him with "if you don't like it, quit")
He was out of work for about two months, but due to filing taxes for the first time and getting 2-3k$ back, he had a good cushion, but it ran out completely before he found his next job: working at a seedy subway wherein the manager stole their tips and only went in like once a week. He lasted there a month before quitting without two weeks notice after a conversation with his mom. He did not have his cushion anymore.
I'm not blaming him for not wanting to stay at either place, but he again became non-communicative. He was a week late on rent when I asked him if he's going to be able to get his share to me the next day, he shrugged. I asked him when he'll be able to get the rent to me: shrugged again.
Sorry for all the long-winded ness... But it's been bad. The only thing that's been keeping me from losing my shit on a daily basis is that he's supposedly moving on the first of June. I've been kind, patient, I haven't pressured him (what's the point?) But it's the second week of May and as far as I can tell, he hasn't started packing at all. I'm not asking him to pay me back the 250 he owes me (I strongarmed my other roommate into helping me) but I can't let him stay longer. He APPARENTLY has a new place and I'm changing the locks on the first, come hell or high water.
I'm sorry this is so long lol, but yeah... The stress between the routine, the job that doesn't pay enough and doesn't leave me feel rewarded in anyway, and the roommate that's a lazy freeloading slob, I just haven't had much, if any creative energy.
I've been looking for a new job, and said roommate is moving out, which is going to cost more, but it also means I'm going to be able to use a room for studio space!! I'M SO STOKED!!!!
Things are bad now, but they're looking up. Stay tuned! :D
Takes me back to when I was like 10 and I went to go see Pokemon, and scored some pokemon cards. Which is what I'm hoping the Detective Pikachu experience is like!
Gonna wear my Team Spark shirt, debating bringing my switch, despite my Let's Go being... Not far
Then probably going to my parents' house.
This also works as a mini-update, because I'd wanted to release my album today because, well... 30 is a milestone! But self-imposed creative deadlines aren't something I'm good at, and my life outside art-stuff has been so stressful.
I'm not looking to make excuses, and I'm so sincerely thankful for those that check up on releases from time to time! But I do wanna vent or let people know what I've been dealing with.
Since early last year, I've been on anti-depressants to manage my anxiety and well... Depression, lol. The slightest bit of criticism or negativity directed my way, was enough to send me spiralling for hours, where I'd be afraid to just talk it out because I was so certain that I was a problem, a bother, etc. My weekends, if I'd nothing planned, just became a blur because I wouldn't have the energy or impulse to find something to do (especially on Saturdays) and would generally just... Lay in bed and sleep the day away until I started work again on Monday. Things have gotten better in that respect, but that's due in large part to the knowledge I have to actually seek things to do and that waiting for something to happen just leads to naps.
I've been burning out, too. Last year, I sprained my ankle something fierce and couldn't work for about 3 weeks. Upon coming back, I also took it easy and did 4 or 3 day work weeks, but I completely used up all my vacation time, so I haven't had a week off in about 8 months. I don't think a week off can save me at this point and if I. Honest, I don't want it to, I want to leave and find something better, as I should have done 10 years ago.
Everything about my life hsd become a routine, a blur, especially for the past 5 or so years. I haven't been able to visit friends in the states to break it up, since I just can't afford to with how little I'm making and how much I'm in credit card debt. I've put myself into a corner and so I have to make change.
That aside, I've been dealing with a trash roommate whom is probably my main source of grief: despite having spoken with him many times about it, he doesn't do dishes, doesn't clean up and doing so for him is so exhausting... I've had a couple breakdowns over it. He's also been one to just up and quit his job without securing another one first. About 2 years ago, his seasonal job ended, and he was out of work for 5 months, but rather than talk to his other roommates, he just avoided us, staying at his girlfriend's place or holing up in his room. He was responsible for paying rent at the time and so that lasted 2 months before I was instead the one responsible for rent.
He went back to his old job, and it was fine for a while, until they kept giving him full time hours. He couldn't handle the stress of the job and so he up and quit on the spot, giving his two weeks notice (to be fair, his boss also threatened him with "if you don't like it, quit")
He was out of work for about two months, but due to filing taxes for the first time and getting 2-3k$ back, he had a good cushion, but it ran out completely before he found his next job: working at a seedy subway wherein the manager stole their tips and only went in like once a week. He lasted there a month before quitting without two weeks notice after a conversation with his mom. He did not have his cushion anymore.
I'm not blaming him for not wanting to stay at either place, but he again became non-communicative. He was a week late on rent when I asked him if he's going to be able to get his share to me the next day, he shrugged. I asked him when he'll be able to get the rent to me: shrugged again.
Sorry for all the long-winded ness... But it's been bad. The only thing that's been keeping me from losing my shit on a daily basis is that he's supposedly moving on the first of June. I've been kind, patient, I haven't pressured him (what's the point?) But it's the second week of May and as far as I can tell, he hasn't started packing at all. I'm not asking him to pay me back the 250 he owes me (I strongarmed my other roommate into helping me) but I can't let him stay longer. He APPARENTLY has a new place and I'm changing the locks on the first, come hell or high water.
I'm sorry this is so long lol, but yeah... The stress between the routine, the job that doesn't pay enough and doesn't leave me feel rewarded in anyway, and the roommate that's a lazy freeloading slob, I just haven't had much, if any creative energy.
I've been looking for a new job, and said roommate is moving out, which is going to cost more, but it also means I'm going to be able to use a room for studio space!! I'M SO STOKED!!!!
Things are bad now, but they're looking up. Stay tuned! :D
I'm really sorry to hear about the anxiety and depression, and wanna say my inbox is always open if you wanna vent. I definitely can't vouch for the quality of my advice but if it helps to get stuff off your chest then lmk.
You have my condolences for the roommate - currently living with 7 people but next year am moving in with two close friends instead. I can't definitely understand your eagerness to have him out of the house haha.
Here's to things looking up!! Enjoy the movie & the studio space and let us know how things go!!
I have far too many music things to cram into a singular room with a bed, dresser etc, studio space is going to do me good. Hoping to get an electric drumset later on too!
Thanks a lot, I wish I better news but it seems like things are looking up!
It sounds like things are starting to improve a little. At least once your roommate moves out.