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Farewell, FA
6 years ago
you can look I would say hello, but this is my final journal and my last good bye here.
I'll do my best to keep it short: I am too ill to continue any more activity. My surgeries were a success but they do not cure the disease I inherited, and they've been getting worse. I need surgery every 6-12 months. I figured why come back when I'll just be gone away for another surgery or ER visit, and I can't even draw because it hurts. Not only that, but I've gone through so many tests and scans for cancer and I still am not out of the clear. Nobody knows what's wrong with me, so I need to take time and be with close friends and loved ones just in case. I've been diagnosed with ptsd, high anxiety, borderline personality disorder; all things I've had since age two but never knew until last December. Now my pancreas is malfunctioning and I can't eat anything without becoming ill- few times forced me into the ER.
I sat around all these months, hoping I could become stable (mentally and physically) enough to come back and get into a drawing routine for once and for all. But everyone (close to me and doctors) noticed it has been getting worse with time, so I can't even say when and if there would ever be a day where I am healthy enough to pick up activity here.
Sure, I have a general idea of what others will think.
'oh, that's too bad', 'wish her well', 'damn, that sucks cuz I really enjoyed her art', 'good riddance', 'hahaha', 'she's just crying for attention', 'what a shame', 'no wonder she's been gone for so long without saying a word...'
And I don't care for any of them. I don't want pity, sympathy, attention, etc.
I was never truly comfortable sharing my art with the world. Call me a coward, but its actually me who feels the world isn't ready, or in ways, the world is not good enough to have my work. I am much happier sharing my stuff with close friends who understand me and the symbolism behind my art. I have been drawing once again after I recovered from my last surgery and my fractured arm healed in March. I just post it in my Discord server where me and close friends hang out. I only trust few people due to my ptsd+bpd, so do not take it personal. I will leave what art I posted here for whomever, but I will never share another piece again. I just wanted to inform those who admired my content and were possibly wondering about me but didn't wanna ask.
For those who do care, just know I am okay and doing my best. Try to picture a happy Sam, for me, okay? :)
Take care, everyone.
I'll do my best to keep it short: I am too ill to continue any more activity. My surgeries were a success but they do not cure the disease I inherited, and they've been getting worse. I need surgery every 6-12 months. I figured why come back when I'll just be gone away for another surgery or ER visit, and I can't even draw because it hurts. Not only that, but I've gone through so many tests and scans for cancer and I still am not out of the clear. Nobody knows what's wrong with me, so I need to take time and be with close friends and loved ones just in case. I've been diagnosed with ptsd, high anxiety, borderline personality disorder; all things I've had since age two but never knew until last December. Now my pancreas is malfunctioning and I can't eat anything without becoming ill- few times forced me into the ER.
I sat around all these months, hoping I could become stable (mentally and physically) enough to come back and get into a drawing routine for once and for all. But everyone (close to me and doctors) noticed it has been getting worse with time, so I can't even say when and if there would ever be a day where I am healthy enough to pick up activity here.
Sure, I have a general idea of what others will think.
'oh, that's too bad', 'wish her well', 'damn, that sucks cuz I really enjoyed her art', 'good riddance', 'hahaha', 'she's just crying for attention', 'what a shame', 'no wonder she's been gone for so long without saying a word...'
And I don't care for any of them. I don't want pity, sympathy, attention, etc.
I was never truly comfortable sharing my art with the world. Call me a coward, but its actually me who feels the world isn't ready, or in ways, the world is not good enough to have my work. I am much happier sharing my stuff with close friends who understand me and the symbolism behind my art. I have been drawing once again after I recovered from my last surgery and my fractured arm healed in March. I just post it in my Discord server where me and close friends hang out. I only trust few people due to my ptsd+bpd, so do not take it personal. I will leave what art I posted here for whomever, but I will never share another piece again. I just wanted to inform those who admired my content and were possibly wondering about me but didn't wanna ask.
For those who do care, just know I am okay and doing my best. Try to picture a happy Sam, for me, okay? :)
Take care, everyone.
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