I'm not mad at you. I'm sad for you.
This is never something I would see you doing,
you have always been the strongest person I knew,
Always knowing a way out, a way to move forward and push on.
I wish you would have seen how many people love you, standing outside your funeral in the pouring rain
because there was no more room in the church.
I wish you would have seen how many people were there, as I and others were carrying you to your final resting place.
Never did I think I would be carrying your casket to where you would be laid to rest.
So many people Lindy. So many people can't stop thinking about you.
People stood at your casket, silent, in the middle of the grave yard for so long. No one wanted to leave.
Our mother couldn't handle it anymore so she was the first to leave. She couldn't see her baby go into the ground.
YOU are SO LOVED!!! So, so so so loved.

I don't hate suicide, I know that anyone who gets to that point really sees no other option.
I never would have seen this from you.
You have a daughter who is so hurt and mad right now. She doesn't understand why you would leave,
no one does.
I'm not sure if our mom will ever be the same.
I'm not sure anyone will be.

I love you my dear sister, My dear oldest sister. You have been my biggest supporter. The person I looked up to.
The one I knew would be here when I needed it most.
I wish you would have though the same for me.

I can't stop thinking about you today.
I can't stop thinking about what you did.
I can't stop thinking of the things that led you to leave us.
I'm so angry at those things.

I'm sorry you were in that much pain and fear.
I'm happy you are no longer in that much pain and fear.
I'm glad you left as quickly as the bullet took you. So you didn't feel it.
I'm sorry you had to leave that way at all.

I love you. I love you. I LOVE you.

Until we see each other again.