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A Matter of Pride
6 years ago
It happens every year. I get at least one person asking me why I haven't drawn anything for Pride Month. I usually ignore them or change the subject, but today I want to say something about it. To put it bluntly, I don't really like Pride Month. Pride is a celebration of the LGBT community, and throughout my life I have felt just as judged and ostracized by that community as I have by anyone outside of it, so I don't feel it is a thing worth celebrating. In my opinion the LGBT community is practically a police state, which is ironic considering their position on cops. The very fact that I get pressed by friends why I don't want to go to our local Pride parade, or by people online why I haven't drawn anything for it is my evidence for that conclusion. It's like a goddamn inquisition.
The LGBT community claims to be built upon love and accepting people for who they are, but lately it's been more about focusing on the things that one should hate. Fuck cops. Fuck Christians. Fuck Republicans. Fuck straight cis white people. And anyone who doesn't fall in line with these views is viciously attacked and ostracized from the group so they can further consolidate this hateful ideology. This is disgustingly hypocritical behavior for a community that's supposed to be about spreading love, acceptance and positivity.
Also, (and this will sound ironic as hell coming from someone who produces porn for a living) I don't like the overtly sexual atmosphere you see at Pride parades. You've got people literally parading around mostly naked or decked out in fetish gear, and people bring their kids to these things! I've seen photos of people in full pup gear with little kids petting them, and that just feels...so WRONG to me. OBVIOUSLY I enjoy bondage and fetish stuff which should be clear to anyone who sees my gallery, but I feel like there's a time and a place for that. If you want Pride parades to be such a place, then don't also advocate people bringing their kids to it!
I remember when I was growing up before the rise of social media and the internet was still in its infancy, I felt very sad and alone while coming to terms with being gay and feeling like I didn't have anyone to talk with about it. But part of my reason for being so afraid to bring it up was because of the negative stereotypes that are heavily associated with gays, and I feel like Pride parades are largely responsible for the perpetuation of those stereotypes.
In writing this, it is not my intention to pass judgement on those who do participate in Pride Month. Pride can help some of those who feel like they don't have anyone to talk to find the emotional support they need while they're figuring things out for themselves. I get that. But Pride might also be hurting other members of the community it claims to stand for by putting forth an image that they do not want to be associated with, and I think that's something that needs to be addressed.
Looking at the present state of this community, I feel like I'm that sad and lonely teenager again, afraid to talk with any of my friends about my feelings for fear of being cast out. I've come out from one closet and have been shoved into another. And if I feel that way, I'd bet a bundle that there are others out there who feel that way as well. This journal is for anyone else who might be reading and feel trapped by their social circumstances. I see you.
It's already not easy being gay or trans or what have you. But it's even harder being gay or trans while not holding hard progressive views.
By all means, wave those rainbow flags and have a good time. I'm happy for those who do, but I can't join them. Because if I did, I'd be lying to myself and to the others around me. In its present state, I can't feel Pride in what I see to be a toxic and hurtful community. I would like to, but I can't. The day might come where I'll cheer and wave my flag along with the rest, but that day is not today.
The LGBT community claims to be built upon love and accepting people for who they are, but lately it's been more about focusing on the things that one should hate. Fuck cops. Fuck Christians. Fuck Republicans. Fuck straight cis white people. And anyone who doesn't fall in line with these views is viciously attacked and ostracized from the group so they can further consolidate this hateful ideology. This is disgustingly hypocritical behavior for a community that's supposed to be about spreading love, acceptance and positivity.
Also, (and this will sound ironic as hell coming from someone who produces porn for a living) I don't like the overtly sexual atmosphere you see at Pride parades. You've got people literally parading around mostly naked or decked out in fetish gear, and people bring their kids to these things! I've seen photos of people in full pup gear with little kids petting them, and that just feels...so WRONG to me. OBVIOUSLY I enjoy bondage and fetish stuff which should be clear to anyone who sees my gallery, but I feel like there's a time and a place for that. If you want Pride parades to be such a place, then don't also advocate people bringing their kids to it!
I remember when I was growing up before the rise of social media and the internet was still in its infancy, I felt very sad and alone while coming to terms with being gay and feeling like I didn't have anyone to talk with about it. But part of my reason for being so afraid to bring it up was because of the negative stereotypes that are heavily associated with gays, and I feel like Pride parades are largely responsible for the perpetuation of those stereotypes.
In writing this, it is not my intention to pass judgement on those who do participate in Pride Month. Pride can help some of those who feel like they don't have anyone to talk to find the emotional support they need while they're figuring things out for themselves. I get that. But Pride might also be hurting other members of the community it claims to stand for by putting forth an image that they do not want to be associated with, and I think that's something that needs to be addressed.
Looking at the present state of this community, I feel like I'm that sad and lonely teenager again, afraid to talk with any of my friends about my feelings for fear of being cast out. I've come out from one closet and have been shoved into another. And if I feel that way, I'd bet a bundle that there are others out there who feel that way as well. This journal is for anyone else who might be reading and feel trapped by their social circumstances. I see you.
It's already not easy being gay or trans or what have you. But it's even harder being gay or trans while not holding hard progressive views.
By all means, wave those rainbow flags and have a good time. I'm happy for those who do, but I can't join them. Because if I did, I'd be lying to myself and to the others around me. In its present state, I can't feel Pride in what I see to be a toxic and hurtful community. I would like to, but I can't. The day might come where I'll cheer and wave my flag along with the rest, but that day is not today.
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But really that goes for all fetishes and sex stuff in general.
Maybe slap some locks on it. Haha
Unless I'm going to a strict "adults only" gathering I'd rather err on the side of keeping the fetish gear to a minimum for basic human decency points.
involved and poisoned the community. Now i KNOW that not every member of the LGBTQ community is like that, but sadly the most vocal
portion of the community happens to have been infected by the SJW mindset, leading to all of that unwarranted hate.
'Course, having seen and heard people saying that bi/ace (still not really sure which I'd call myself) people "aren't really LGBT" or "have straight-passing privilege" or whatever the fuck certainly does a good deal of putting me off of Pride in general. Same thing with people insisting on using "queer" as an umbrella term and attacking anyone who disagrees. I don't care what you want to call yourself, but don't force that label on me, y'know?
Personally, I like using the month as a time to spread education and support about different sexualities and gender and the like (especially the lesser known stuff)- rather then be super loud and boisterous about my own sexuality.
Also I couldn’t agree more about the sexual stuff at pride parades thing. Like, one of the goals is to make it clear that love is love and that LGBT folks are as normal as can be and aren’t just all hypersexual deviants right??? I feel like kink at pride- especially where kids are allowed -isn’t healthy for the image of the community.
I find it much easier to enjoy life by distancing myself from it altogether. I hope one day that will change, only time will tell.
Not expecting everyone to agree with me, just expressing my own opinions based on my personal experiences with the matter.
There are some really stupid people in this world.
I am not saying I am favor of cops being excluded from pride, and I don't mean to imply that, but it is not "for no reason" lol
Like it or not, cops are why pride parades can continue to exist to this day. The reason why isn't considered because the truth it's uncomfortable for some.
Without cops, Pride parades would become too dangerous overnight as groups (like the Nazis) can cause trouble without any repercussion from armed police officers.
In addition, "police escorting nazis" comes off as disingenuous too.
I dont think it's illegal to wave a nazi flag in public. So the police literally couldn't arrest them by my knowledge. Would people actually prefer the police not being as close as possible to the individuals most likely to be a danger? The framework that assumes that the police are "protecting" the nazis and not the gay pride attendees is absolutely childish.
And yes, you're absolutely correct. It is not illegal to carry swastikas or assualt rifles around. I'm sorry if it came off that way to you. And when you see actual video of protestors being physically assaulted by skinheads with no police retaliation, while there is police retaliation on protestors being stupid and physically attacking Nazis, it does come off a little as only one side being "protected."
If you disagre with me, by all means, I don't want to stop you from telling me why, but I would appreciate it if you stuck to disagreeing with what I say, rather than what you think I say.
I'd be open to seeing evidence against that in particular, since it is a story I did not research massively, and just chose to use it along with the other examples to help make the initial point of there being reasons for people to have problems with police.
Anyways, have a good night! ...or day, or whatever it is for you lol
All I know what you told me is that it is odd that the police would harm simple people being different or gay.
All I know is respect cops and they are here to help you and others to protect you because the way you described was the image of a protector or archetype being destroyed by nazi or socialist dumbasses and SJWs thinking all cops do this.
Cops are kind people.
Please don't misinterpret me as being an "ACAB" type person, I personally know many cops that are wonderful people. I just think it is a little dangerous to not acknowledge their history in order to work on bettering them in the future. Ideally, I would love to have police be able to help support Pride without anyone being made to feel unsafe during it, and that is what I want to work towards.
>The very fact that I get pressed by friends why I don't want to go to our local Pride parade, or by people online why I haven't drawn anything for it is my evidence for that conclusion. It's like a goddamn inquisition.
At least one person asks you each year and you feel like you're being pressed in some sort of goddamn inquisition? To me that really doesn't sound all that harrowing if that's all that happens to you and nothing like the the Inquisition of old.
it's like you didnt read it.
It's like you just want something to nitpick and avoid the main points of this journal.
Vir expresses dissatisfaction with the community, and look at all the people coming to reign him in instead of considering there's a problem.
Anyways, thank you for taking the time to rake me over the coals for my opening statement, really helps me illustrate my point!
On the subject of power, there are still people who do have actual power to drastically affect the lives of people in that community, in ways much worse than just having hurt feelings from having a different opinion, at least in my country of the United States. By no means do I wish to discredit or take away anything from your experiences growing up as a gay person who was able to experience the rise of social media and the acceptance of LGBT rights, and I do not wish to discount any of the strides the community has made in terms of acceptance and equality, but it is important to remember why pride started in the first place and not fall into the thought that it was ever a peaceful, completely happy event. Within this last year alone, the trans community has had to deal with preventing themselves from being legislated out of existence, and more recently have had to deal with the fact there is a very real chance healthcare companies could be given the right to deny them on the basis of that alone. Roll back 4 years, same-sex couples could not have legally recognized marriages in a large portion of US states, including that of my own. Go back 12 more years from that and, there were still actual laws that could allow you to be arrested, prosecuted, and straight-up jailed for the crime of being gay. Just because things are better now doesn't mean it was never worse, or that these sort of events "getting out of hand" are anything new. That being said, I do largely agree with you that kink communities do bring down the public view of the community, though I don't see it as much of a problem as the real issues that need to be dealt with.
I am sorry if this doesn't end up being 100% coherent as I just got back from work, but I wanted to give my two cents. Oh, and please don't see this as me trying to force you to participate or attempting to shame you or anything like that. I am simply trying to give a defense of the fact the community is still largely needed and why pride is the way it is, and I hope you are able to see where I am coming from. Even if you choose to never wave any sort of flag, I have no disrespect for your position.
But this journal isn't about them. This journal is about the OTHER people. The ones that fall under the LGBT umbrella but the community DOES NOT provide support for. People like myself and others who have responded to this journal in agreement with my take on the current state of things, and even a few that have contacted me in private because they were too afraid to say it publicly. There is a lot of hate and division going on within the community. Call out culture is running rampant, and while I can agree that the more extreme sentiments I listed probably aren't shared by everyone in the group, I don't see a lot being said or done to rein them in.
Yet once I express my own displeasure at this behavior people come to give me grief. Some say I'm exaggerating. Others have accused me of lying about my experiences. One even called me 'a bad gay,' and said I needed to do more to support the community. Others have felt the need to try and re-educate me that Pride has a purpose, of which I am already fully aware of. This culture of thought policing is always trying to correct me; telling me to step back in line. It is both irritating and extremely disheartening, and ultimately proves my point.
But what REALLY gets under my skin is the complete and utter disbelief that a gay person could possibly have legitimate reasons for not wanting to take part in Pride Month or the LGBT community at large. And this disbelief is so widespread that people assume I either don't understand it, or am trying to cause trouble. THAT is my main issue with all of this.
If this comes across as hostile that is not my intention. I am trying to press the crux of the matter, because it doesn't feel like you saw it in my journal.
As for being myself, that's what I've been doing. They just don't like that. They're always trying to reel me back in, and it gets tiring after a while.
So, you know, I pretty much totally agree with you, is what I mean.
keep doin you lil doggo.