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Life and stuff.
6 years ago
General
This is probably just gonna be a long ass rambling about how things are and how I feel about them, so go ahead and just skip this.
Okay so, I suppose I've been feeling pretty much at my lowest. I feel more alone than ever in life and I can't do anything about it. I'm on the verge of tears nearly everyday and all I can do is talk to my online friends. While I appreciate the support they provide me, there's really not much they can actually do. It's not like they can fly out here to see and spend the day.I can't get too much support because well... Life goes on even without me. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for them, but they just cannot provide what I need right now. At the end of the day, I'm still alone.
Being alone in this basically means that I have to shoulder this transition into becoming an independent adult by myself. Now, for a normal person, this wouldn't be so difficult, but I've managed to slowly do this kicking and screaming. It's not like my life is real rough, but I'm weak. I can't even find the strength within me to create a better life for myself. I'm a loser. I'm not making A's and B's in college, and I barely can make enough to get by whilst living in my own parent's house, whom to which I continue to disappoint time and time again.
My ex has moved on, most of my friends from High school have moved on from me, pretty much everyone's going off to better things and well, all I can do is cry because I feel unhappy. Unhappy with the lack of control in my life. I feel so alone and strangely... physically cold. I wish I could get into a coma so I could finally achieve some sort of lasting happiness. I don't want to be dead as a fear death, but honestly, eventually everyone I know will forget about me, so what's the difference, right? I'll be dead socially.
Is there a chance I'll ever find my "pack" (I felt I should make a pun to prevent tears) but honestly, I feel I'll always be a lone wolf. After all, after the one person I loved kinda moved on (And he's got a right too) I'm just much too scared to try and get someone for myself. On the other hand Prince/Princess Charming isn't just gonna come out of nowhere and pick me off my feet. I want love, but I probably just can't handle it.
TL;DR: I'm alone, I hate I have little control in my life, and sad awoos all around.
Okay so, I suppose I've been feeling pretty much at my lowest. I feel more alone than ever in life and I can't do anything about it. I'm on the verge of tears nearly everyday and all I can do is talk to my online friends. While I appreciate the support they provide me, there's really not much they can actually do. It's not like they can fly out here to see and spend the day.I can't get too much support because well... Life goes on even without me. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for them, but they just cannot provide what I need right now. At the end of the day, I'm still alone.
Being alone in this basically means that I have to shoulder this transition into becoming an independent adult by myself. Now, for a normal person, this wouldn't be so difficult, but I've managed to slowly do this kicking and screaming. It's not like my life is real rough, but I'm weak. I can't even find the strength within me to create a better life for myself. I'm a loser. I'm not making A's and B's in college, and I barely can make enough to get by whilst living in my own parent's house, whom to which I continue to disappoint time and time again.
My ex has moved on, most of my friends from High school have moved on from me, pretty much everyone's going off to better things and well, all I can do is cry because I feel unhappy. Unhappy with the lack of control in my life. I feel so alone and strangely... physically cold. I wish I could get into a coma so I could finally achieve some sort of lasting happiness. I don't want to be dead as a fear death, but honestly, eventually everyone I know will forget about me, so what's the difference, right? I'll be dead socially.
Is there a chance I'll ever find my "pack" (I felt I should make a pun to prevent tears) but honestly, I feel I'll always be a lone wolf. After all, after the one person I loved kinda moved on (And he's got a right too) I'm just much too scared to try and get someone for myself. On the other hand Prince/Princess Charming isn't just gonna come out of nowhere and pick me off my feet. I want love, but I probably just can't handle it.
TL;DR: I'm alone, I hate I have little control in my life, and sad awoos all around.
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