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I think I might have depression.
6 years ago
General
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Been feeling really down lately. I recently had a falling-out with a friend. He used to be nice, but he became obsessed with being popular. To be honest, I’ve never been very good at making friends, or even basic socializing. It’s gotten to the point that I’ve begun to resent other humans. And since the furry fandom is all about socializing, it’s made me wonder if I made a mistake joining.
Also, I’ve been really hating myself lately. I still don’t have a driver’s license, and I rarely ever have any money to spend on myself. Also, yesterday, I was at a study abroad “Welcome Back” party, and I met some people that went to Japan for the summer. Listening to them made me insanely jealous, and reminded me that I’m in a major (French) that I don’t even like that much. (Well, I guess that’s not entirely true. I still like French, but it’s still only my second-favorite compared to Japanese.) It also reminded me that I’m probably never going to visit Japan either. Or accomplish any of my other goals.
So yeah, I’m beginning to arrive at the conclusion that, despite my online persona, I’m just a worthless waste of oxygen that would be better off dead. What should I do?
Also, I’ve been really hating myself lately. I still don’t have a driver’s license, and I rarely ever have any money to spend on myself. Also, yesterday, I was at a study abroad “Welcome Back” party, and I met some people that went to Japan for the summer. Listening to them made me insanely jealous, and reminded me that I’m in a major (French) that I don’t even like that much. (Well, I guess that’s not entirely true. I still like French, but it’s still only my second-favorite compared to Japanese.) It also reminded me that I’m probably never going to visit Japan either. Or accomplish any of my other goals.
So yeah, I’m beginning to arrive at the conclusion that, despite my online persona, I’m just a worthless waste of oxygen that would be better off dead. What should I do?
The trick is to stop worrying in general. It sounds hard, and it is. But that doesn't mean its not possible. Forget the future, the future can make itself happen. Do shit you love, and leave it at that. Tell anxiety to go fuck itself, you're having some cake. AND IT IS DELICIOUS, DAMNIT!
Anyways, yeah, carpe diem. Make the day whatever the hell you want. If you want to work at bettering your life, say "Hey, I'm going to get something DONE today!" and do it. Anything is an accomplishment. Even not slitting your wrists.
So, do your thing, and don't matter about people who don't care about you.
As for the drivers license, maybe you can make that one of you're goals after your done college. I started working on it after high school, it's takes time and practice like anything, but it is doable if you put your mind to it, I can't guarantee you'll have a car but I didn't when I had my license, but I figured driving would be a very important life skill I could benefit from later.