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I'm...tired.
6 years ago
Commissions are OPEN
If you are interested in commissioning me, come drop me a line! Let's see what we can make together! https://forms.gle/D5NqAnUiUnHSVsVV9 Thinking very heavily about my art and the things I make and realising I’m not happy is never a good position to be in. It’s not that I don’t like the work I do, or that I’m unhappy with the quality, because I really am, but, if I were looking at a gallery of my work as an outsider with my own personal interests, I wouldn’t fave or like or retweet the majority of what I make. I love what I do stylistically, but not in substance, just because there’s so little of it, at least for me personally.
I’m honestly tired of drawing porn after porn after porn. Nothing that I do for myself is porn anymore just because I’m so jaded to it after so long of doing nothing but porn. I want to do things with substance. And not just substance, I want to do things that align with my interests and goals for my art. I never wanted to be a porn artist, I only started drawing porn as a means to an end. Porn got me new watchers and followers, and what else do artists crave above all else? The end that I was working toward was to draw horror. Blood. Pus. Anger. The macabre nightmares that fester deep inside. Blackness and void given form and purpose. My galleries are so full of happiness and colour and I have such a hard time feeling any of it.
Many times I’ve had the briefest passing thought of nuking my commission queue, and I never recognised that tiny and brief feeling until recently. When I did recognise it, it was like a punch to the gut seeing that I’ve been graduated for almost a year with nothing real to show. I’ve posted before about the feeling of “I want...” and not being able to finish that statement, but trying to finish it anyway. The conclusion that I came to before was just that I wanted to draw more visually impressive things, but it’s more than that. I don’t just want to draw more visually impressive things, I want to paint things that I feel, things that would make me want to fave/like/retweet the work, were I an outsider. It’s not the porn that bothers me, or bright colours, or happiness, it’s that...that’s all I do.
I don’t want to be a porn factory. I want things that resonate with me, that make me feel things. In the simplest way, the end of the “I want...” statement is the same as the beginning. I want...what I want.
I’m honestly tired of drawing porn after porn after porn. Nothing that I do for myself is porn anymore just because I’m so jaded to it after so long of doing nothing but porn. I want to do things with substance. And not just substance, I want to do things that align with my interests and goals for my art. I never wanted to be a porn artist, I only started drawing porn as a means to an end. Porn got me new watchers and followers, and what else do artists crave above all else? The end that I was working toward was to draw horror. Blood. Pus. Anger. The macabre nightmares that fester deep inside. Blackness and void given form and purpose. My galleries are so full of happiness and colour and I have such a hard time feeling any of it.
Many times I’ve had the briefest passing thought of nuking my commission queue, and I never recognised that tiny and brief feeling until recently. When I did recognise it, it was like a punch to the gut seeing that I’ve been graduated for almost a year with nothing real to show. I’ve posted before about the feeling of “I want...” and not being able to finish that statement, but trying to finish it anyway. The conclusion that I came to before was just that I wanted to draw more visually impressive things, but it’s more than that. I don’t just want to draw more visually impressive things, I want to paint things that I feel, things that would make me want to fave/like/retweet the work, were I an outsider. It’s not the porn that bothers me, or bright colours, or happiness, it’s that...that’s all I do.
I don’t want to be a porn factory. I want things that resonate with me, that make me feel things. In the simplest way, the end of the “I want...” statement is the same as the beginning. I want...what I want.
Perhaps you could try to reach out to a wider audience by offering a sale on commissions with specific themes or subjects. That would bring in the income, and at the same time allow you to feel more satisfied about the contents of your gallery/portfolio.
You could for example limit the amount of porn commission slots and maybe decrease it over time more. So get people the time to get used to a larger variety of things you offer and draw and true fans will always stay, no matter if more or less porn.