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Vent.
6 years ago
I know people really don't care about my journals so this is for the people who do read it.
Recently, I haven't felt comfortable venting with anyone because it always backfires on me. How people just can just make me feel worst about everything, no matter how hard I try to make everything positive. it's been really taking a toll on me, physically and mentally.
A few days ago, I found out that I'm not doing well, health-wise. Many things that I took and did with my body really had messed me up and now there's really no turning back. I regret so many things that I've done to myself since it really made me sick. I can't even eat any more than a bowl of oatmeal a day since my body rejects most of my foods. I throw up every day.
I've lost an unhealthy amount of weight in a short time and every day I feel weaker and weaker. It absolutely horrifies me. How sickly I've become just because of my stupid caprice. (that I impulsively did 4 times)
Of course, I haven't been doing well mentally either. I just feel so wrong and disgusting. My self-worth is hideous. My current mental state is ruining the relationships with my friends and family. I'm always just fucking everything up and I'm tired of it. I'm always paranoid (extreme) and I always run away from my problems. I can't even have a break without feeling bad. It angers me that I feel like I'm just trapped.
I don't tell my friends or followers what's going on with me because a person made me realize that I should NEVER engulf people into my problems. They're my problems and no one else's. It's atrocious of myself to relish my problems to people who are already struggling themselves.
I feel like I'm lying to everyone, saying that I'm okay and being positive 24/7. I'm lying to myself. I'm disgusted in the person I've become. I've become something that I've hated my entire life.
I'm sorry for this stupid vent. I really feel so down and I don't think I can keep chugging forward anymore. Literally. My physical health has gone down and I have to go see a specialist since I've really fucked up my body. I don't think I'll make it.
I'm sorry for relishing my problems onto you guys, I know you don't need that at all. I just can't take it anymore.
Recently, I haven't felt comfortable venting with anyone because it always backfires on me. How people just can just make me feel worst about everything, no matter how hard I try to make everything positive. it's been really taking a toll on me, physically and mentally.
A few days ago, I found out that I'm not doing well, health-wise. Many things that I took and did with my body really had messed me up and now there's really no turning back. I regret so many things that I've done to myself since it really made me sick. I can't even eat any more than a bowl of oatmeal a day since my body rejects most of my foods. I throw up every day.
I've lost an unhealthy amount of weight in a short time and every day I feel weaker and weaker. It absolutely horrifies me. How sickly I've become just because of my stupid caprice. (that I impulsively did 4 times)
Of course, I haven't been doing well mentally either. I just feel so wrong and disgusting. My self-worth is hideous. My current mental state is ruining the relationships with my friends and family. I'm always just fucking everything up and I'm tired of it. I'm always paranoid (extreme) and I always run away from my problems. I can't even have a break without feeling bad. It angers me that I feel like I'm just trapped.
I don't tell my friends or followers what's going on with me because a person made me realize that I should NEVER engulf people into my problems. They're my problems and no one else's. It's atrocious of myself to relish my problems to people who are already struggling themselves.
I feel like I'm lying to everyone, saying that I'm okay and being positive 24/7. I'm lying to myself. I'm disgusted in the person I've become. I've become something that I've hated my entire life.
I'm sorry for this stupid vent. I really feel so down and I don't think I can keep chugging forward anymore. Literally. My physical health has gone down and I have to go see a specialist since I've really fucked up my body. I don't think I'll make it.
I'm sorry for relishing my problems onto you guys, I know you don't need that at all. I just can't take it anymore.
wishing you the best, love you my friend *hug* very sorry to hear of the bad things goin on ^^"
do care for ya, meep
I really hope you get better >W<
You know, you can always talk to me! <3