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The Corner, a story/vent/feels journal....
6 years ago
((TLDR: True Caring Friendship is both a wonderful, and a horrible thing, both how good it feels to have such, but how bad it feels to be one sometimes...))
I have been thinking, and friendship, True Friendship, is an amazing thing.
Knowing someone cares and worries about you, deeply, truly.
Knowing that no matter what happens, there is someone who won't leave you stranded, or alone.
Knowing that there is someone who is always cheering for your successes, and sad about failures, willing to listen, and be a shoulder to cry on, to support you when your feeling low, is a wonderful thing.
But in another way, it can also be a sad thing, a painful thing...
Being there, watching your friend suffer, as you offer to help but they tell you they will ask for it when they need it....
...But they never ask.
Wanting to support them, but not approaching because they asked you to wait....
...but they never say you can come back.
Wanting to congratulate them, praise them...
But you don't want to approach, because they told you to wait..and last time you did without them telling you, they got mad...
Wanting to comfort and support them, wanting to console them, wanting to be there, a shoulder to cry on, to hold them up, to be their support, to do anything you possibly can to help them....
...but you can't...because they don't want you too, and they won't let you try......
So you sit in the corner, smiling softly, watching them, happy they succeed, sad when things go wrong, ...always in that chair waiting to support them, aid them..they just need to look your way, that's all you need to do so, because they have made it clear that's what they prefer.....
...and So I sit in the corner...slowly looking around every so often, ..looking at the dust...the cobwebs, though I have kept where I myself am nice and clean..a nice, clear path, dusted, pristine, ...making sure nothing else shoved in the corner is cluttering the way to me....
...as I smile..a sad...soft smile, a tear in the corner of my eye, watching from a distance, watching someone I truly care about work, succeed, suffer, good and bad, wanting to be there to hold them up when they area low, wanting to boost them up, and just..even just visit, laugh and joke with them....
BU=ut I wait, because as a good friend, who has been asked, if not begged to just 'wait' for them...I wait...even as I have to continue working against the dust..the cobwebs, ..the clutter, ...smiling softly, sportingly from the corner...
...even though it is a sad, tear filled smile, as deep in my soul I feel afraid, that I've been forgotten, that they don't even remember I'm here, ..but I leave signs out and around, just so they are reminded, they won't forget, I'm still here, in the corner, waiting, quietly, for when they feel ready to allow me to be a friend once more....praying for them every day, watching them from the distance, and just...
...Trying to be the best friend I can...
...even though it hurts so much inside, to feel that....they don't want me in the corner, that they would rather just try to pile the clutter so I couldn't be seen, so they wouldn't know I was there, waiting, surprisingly in the wings for them....
but there I sit...there I wait.......and there I smile.....while I cry.
((JUst..kind of a poetic Journal about things running through my head....I wanted to get it out and ..just type out how I felt, in a way that doesn't call anyone or anything out, just how...wonderful it feels to have friends who care about me in such ways, an d yet...how bad it feels to ...be one of those friends, and....feel like your just...unable to do anything.))
I have been thinking, and friendship, True Friendship, is an amazing thing.
Knowing someone cares and worries about you, deeply, truly.
Knowing that no matter what happens, there is someone who won't leave you stranded, or alone.
Knowing that there is someone who is always cheering for your successes, and sad about failures, willing to listen, and be a shoulder to cry on, to support you when your feeling low, is a wonderful thing.
But in another way, it can also be a sad thing, a painful thing...
Being there, watching your friend suffer, as you offer to help but they tell you they will ask for it when they need it....
...But they never ask.
Wanting to support them, but not approaching because they asked you to wait....
...but they never say you can come back.
Wanting to congratulate them, praise them...
But you don't want to approach, because they told you to wait..and last time you did without them telling you, they got mad...
Wanting to comfort and support them, wanting to console them, wanting to be there, a shoulder to cry on, to hold them up, to be their support, to do anything you possibly can to help them....
...but you can't...because they don't want you too, and they won't let you try......
So you sit in the corner, smiling softly, watching them, happy they succeed, sad when things go wrong, ...always in that chair waiting to support them, aid them..they just need to look your way, that's all you need to do so, because they have made it clear that's what they prefer.....
...and So I sit in the corner...slowly looking around every so often, ..looking at the dust...the cobwebs, though I have kept where I myself am nice and clean..a nice, clear path, dusted, pristine, ...making sure nothing else shoved in the corner is cluttering the way to me....
...as I smile..a sad...soft smile, a tear in the corner of my eye, watching from a distance, watching someone I truly care about work, succeed, suffer, good and bad, wanting to be there to hold them up when they area low, wanting to boost them up, and just..even just visit, laugh and joke with them....
BU=ut I wait, because as a good friend, who has been asked, if not begged to just 'wait' for them...I wait...even as I have to continue working against the dust..the cobwebs, ..the clutter, ...smiling softly, sportingly from the corner...
...even though it is a sad, tear filled smile, as deep in my soul I feel afraid, that I've been forgotten, that they don't even remember I'm here, ..but I leave signs out and around, just so they are reminded, they won't forget, I'm still here, in the corner, waiting, quietly, for when they feel ready to allow me to be a friend once more....praying for them every day, watching them from the distance, and just...
...Trying to be the best friend I can...
...even though it hurts so much inside, to feel that....they don't want me in the corner, that they would rather just try to pile the clutter so I couldn't be seen, so they wouldn't know I was there, waiting, surprisingly in the wings for them....
but there I sit...there I wait.......and there I smile.....while I cry.
((JUst..kind of a poetic Journal about things running through my head....I wanted to get it out and ..just type out how I felt, in a way that doesn't call anyone or anything out, just how...wonderful it feels to have friends who care about me in such ways, an d yet...how bad it feels to ...be one of those friends, and....feel like your just...unable to do anything.))
