You have nothing to apologize for, please... I should be the one apologizing for as long as the lives of those afflicted by his death are, though it may well have been an accident due to his professed enjoyment of alcohol, just as I've had a few close calls with DXM, I still am partly to blame if he drank partly due to emotional pain. I tried to get him to open up about it but he just told me he would be fine, though my mother ultimately died of alcoholism though she'd been sober for three years, but he was so very caring to me just as my mother was. Today was my mother's birthday as well, timing is strange. I find near death experiences comforting to read many times but I am not sure where I fall on the belief spectrum, I'm still a fence sitter. You have every right to be upset with me and all who loved him as a friend or family, though I knew he was busy with school thus my rationalization to take a break, I still failed to be there for him if he needed me, and made him have deep feelings for me, and sadly I was not really sure and still am not sure what I feel save for that I am emotionally dangerous and thus must self-quarantine and face any and all consequences of my reckless behavior. I did not lead him on out of malice, I really believed I was loving him, but then I still had feelings for a former partner, who I also hurt, because my feelings must not have been love after all. I don't know how to love but that's no excuse. I knew better.

And may the Gods and God and all divinity punish me for my rationalizations of my abusive ways be it ever so severely though in mortal terror I ask for mercy as well as from my fellow humans, of which I am not worth y of the title. If you must punish me to death, please make it as fast as possible with no torture, thank you.