I know that one month is not really considered a radio silence, but it feels like September was really fucked up and just really long, and it seems like October is gonna get way worse, seeing as it already got to a pretty bad point on just the 3rd day of the month. tl;dr below.

So what the hell happened you ask?
I don't even know where to start. I was stuck sick for a month, with the two weeks ending up in hospital and then getting diagnosis of being too stressed out and suffering from a hardcore burnout that caused hormone imbalance and royally fucked me up. After I was seen by over 10 doctors in the ward, The last one that saw me told me my diagnosis, and in order to get me fixed up, I was told not to do night shifts anymore, being suggested to attend outpatient stress management sessions at the hospital, stop with doing overtime and to generally not overwork myself. Didn't do any renders in the meantime, because it is kinda also considered work and I did it when I got home off work and didn't have shift the next day. Anyway, I thought that the nightmarish hospital stay was the worst that could have happened (Have you ever been in the A&E stuck for 3 days without any sleep or food, then sedated "for the pain" you don't have after passing triage and then sat in a chair positioned in such a way, you're just watching people die and flatline on the monitors while randomly passing in and out of consciousness? Cuz I have. Fuck that hospital), but guess who was wrong? This dude!
Went to a GP for a follow-up a week later, since I wasn't given any discharge papers and didn't know what to do, since I had signs of UTI (It was just bladder irritated from one liter of vodka), and left with the "suicidal" label somehow, being told to get counseling and be put on antidepressants. My GP even called me yesterday to check up on me if I haven't sudoku'd yet.
But wait, it gets worse! Waaaayyy worse!
Today I got fired from the job I relocated across Europe for, due of my medical reasons and the diagnosis of not being able to do shift based work anymore. Ok to be honest, my manager really tried to make me stay by relocating me to a different position in the team, but someone broke chain of command, snitching that I wasn't really interested in the new role I ended up as due of planning to internally transfer once my probation period passes. That forced my manager to fire me, since his hands were tied and he couldn't do anything.
So what happens now?
I got 3 months until I run out of cash if I don't find a new job. After that? Well, my life insurance covers remains transfer to my country of origin, so that's one plan. Also no therapy or GP for the time being, I can't afford it.

Tl;dr
Landed in hospital due of hormone imbalance because of being overstressed and burnt out from being overworked, no longer being allowed to do shift work while I'm employed in a shift based position, get labeled as clinically depressed and suicidal and then get fired from the job I relocated across half of Europe for.


How the actual fuck do you crawl out of something like this