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Just some small things I've been meaning to say
6 years ago
No longer posting submissions here due to rule nonsense. Find me at the links at the bottom
If you're only watching me for art then no need to read this. Shit will continue as normal... well, hopefully better; I'm aiming to get back to a normal schedule soon I swear :)
Anyway, this journal is probably going to seem very out of character for me so apologies.
I started this account when I was 18 back in early 2016. It was a shitty year for me so drawing and posting my "art" served as a good distraction from the otherwise generally bad time I was having.
I'm glad I started when I did, but the mindset I was in was one I didn't want to spread to others, so I would act falsely cheery in descriptions / comment responses and otherwise avoid talking to people.
Even as things improved I kept up with that behaviour because it was just what I was used to doing here (hell, even now I still throw around tildes and other "cutesy" responses despite that not being the way I normally talk).
I tried to get away from my antisocial behaviour somewhat by opening a Discord and Telegram, but I've ended up relapsing there anyway.
Out of the maybe 30 people that have gone out of their way to add me and try to strike up conversation, maybe only half have I had more than one exchange with (a couple none at all) and only like 3 or 4 that I still keep some degree of contact with.
And I certainly get why: "You must message me first. No small talk. No RP. No fun allowed blah blah." And even when people would follow my stupid guidelines I would just randomly stop talking anyway. It's not fair and, given my charisma is that of a sock, definitely not worth it.
I just think I've been too formal, distant, and selfish for the most part, and I'm sorry.
Believe it or not I'm here to make friends too, not just to draw smut and silently applaud the smut of others, so I want to start putting some effort in there.
From your comments alone it seems that a lot of you are really nice, and from the profiles I've read I know that many of you are as shy as me, if not more so, so it isn't fair for me to expect everyone else to take the initiative.
Thanks to the few that have kept contact with me despite all this; you're cool and I appreciate it.
That was a lot of rambling so let me get to the point (which involves more rambling):
I'm going to try to start keeping more contact with the people that already have me on Discord, especially those that I haven't talked to in a while (or at all). Unfriend me if you don't want that, it's fine; I understand the mindset.
I also want to add some of you folk I see around a lot that have a Discord. You guys and gals seem nice, and I'd like to at least return the friendliness.
Now here comes the part I'm probably going to regret saying. I've said "no RP" for a long time because it's always been something that was a little weird to me, but 3+ years have passed and admittedly the idea of it has become more appealing over time.
Still don't come out of the gates saying "hey let's RP," especially if it's of the more risque sort, but if we've talked a while then I'm not... necessarily apposed. You'll still have to hold my hand there though. I'm not a beacon of self-confidence.
And obviously small talk is fine. What a stupid-ass rule that was, right?
Again sorry if this journal seemed out of character or anything. A lot of it didn't necessarily need to be said, I know, but it's been bothering me for a while so yeah.
TL;DR I'm gonna try to be less of a little antisocial bitch. Fuck you brain.
Anyway, this journal is probably going to seem very out of character for me so apologies.
I started this account when I was 18 back in early 2016. It was a shitty year for me so drawing and posting my "art" served as a good distraction from the otherwise generally bad time I was having.
I'm glad I started when I did, but the mindset I was in was one I didn't want to spread to others, so I would act falsely cheery in descriptions / comment responses and otherwise avoid talking to people.
Even as things improved I kept up with that behaviour because it was just what I was used to doing here (hell, even now I still throw around tildes and other "cutesy" responses despite that not being the way I normally talk).
I tried to get away from my antisocial behaviour somewhat by opening a Discord and Telegram, but I've ended up relapsing there anyway.
Out of the maybe 30 people that have gone out of their way to add me and try to strike up conversation, maybe only half have I had more than one exchange with (a couple none at all) and only like 3 or 4 that I still keep some degree of contact with.
And I certainly get why: "You must message me first. No small talk. No RP. No fun allowed blah blah." And even when people would follow my stupid guidelines I would just randomly stop talking anyway. It's not fair and, given my charisma is that of a sock, definitely not worth it.
I just think I've been too formal, distant, and selfish for the most part, and I'm sorry.
Believe it or not I'm here to make friends too, not just to draw smut and silently applaud the smut of others, so I want to start putting some effort in there.
From your comments alone it seems that a lot of you are really nice, and from the profiles I've read I know that many of you are as shy as me, if not more so, so it isn't fair for me to expect everyone else to take the initiative.
Thanks to the few that have kept contact with me despite all this; you're cool and I appreciate it.
That was a lot of rambling so let me get to the point (which involves more rambling):
I'm going to try to start keeping more contact with the people that already have me on Discord, especially those that I haven't talked to in a while (or at all). Unfriend me if you don't want that, it's fine; I understand the mindset.
I also want to add some of you folk I see around a lot that have a Discord. You guys and gals seem nice, and I'd like to at least return the friendliness.
Now here comes the part I'm probably going to regret saying. I've said "no RP" for a long time because it's always been something that was a little weird to me, but 3+ years have passed and admittedly the idea of it has become more appealing over time.
Still don't come out of the gates saying "hey let's RP," especially if it's of the more risque sort, but if we've talked a while then I'm not... necessarily apposed. You'll still have to hold my hand there though. I'm not a beacon of self-confidence.
And obviously small talk is fine. What a stupid-ass rule that was, right?
Again sorry if this journal seemed out of character or anything. A lot of it didn't necessarily need to be said, I know, but it's been bothering me for a while so yeah.
TL;DR I'm gonna try to be less of a little antisocial bitch. Fuck you brain.
And the "folk I see around a lot" applies to you too, so if you have a Discord or anything feel free to let me know (or if that's not your thing I get it and oh fuck sorry).
In any case, very kind of you to say. Thanks!
And sure, send it my way if you'd like
That is, if you wouldn't mind either. I can relate with a good portion of what you said (especially the self-confidence; mine is virtually non-existent)
p.s. I'm open to talk on discord if you want!
And sure, feel free to add me. But like I said above, can't talk right this second. I'll have to make with the friendlies a little later :)
If you want to add me my info's on my profile, and just above.
I just read your journal (sorry for the delay im not very active on FA, barely i watch the news and post my stuff >.<).
Basically I know how it feels and happened to me to be an antisocial and be locked up with the things we are passionate about, anyway im glad that you could improve that and ended up feeling better.
Yes, its true that we havent talked for a long time, Im not such of starting an open conversation with someone, only those who I have more confidence, I sent a message sometimes.
It would be nice to speak again together (I have discord and Telegram), Im not one of those people who do RP, since it causes me stress later.
Thank you very much, I appreciate the well wishes and am sorry you've had similar circumstances
To be honest I've been hesitant to message as you always seem busy, but I'll try to find some chances to reach out in the near future~