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Art, Expression, and Existentialism
6 years ago
Hey, been going through a few things. A rather prevalent family issue that's been going on for a few years has reached a boiling point and there's a chance things are gonna suck for a while, but I'm going to try to roll with it and use it as a force to inspire myself to do better. Granted, I am someone who does not like sudden, life-changing events, and I'm still trying to work myself out of the worldview of "this is hopeless so why should I try", when trying just a little bit has made a lot of things much more tolerable.
At the same time I've recognized something of a deep-seated fear I've had since I graduated uni, in that I'm horrified of the prospect of things in my life being lost or forgotten. I've been rigorously keeping a journal for a bit more than a year now and it's been nice actually being able to recall my past excursions from it. But sometimes it feels like the more stuff I introduce into my life, the more I worry about losing. That may be a very human thing to deal with or maybe I'm just incredibly stubborn in some regards. I do think this is probably my biggest hurdle to overcome. It's kinda strange to have to worry about something very abstract instead of something more grounded like, a relationship, a career, a family member, a tragedy of untold breadth, etc. But I kinda feel like I have to take care of that big question before I can make that jump.
In another topic, I've been drawing a lot more explicit artwork lately, which is something of an evolution on an earlier perspective I had where I was very standoffish about opening up about things. I've read a few articles on the matter and I'm trying to draw more self-indulgent stuff, but I've also connected with more people lately that have similar perspectives and listening to them made me think of art in a different way, in that in can be a window for others to not only look into your psyche, but allow them to see what's inside them as well. And I think that's pretty inspiring! And it's just nice to get it out there that there's things that interest me and I don't have to worry about some dorko mouthbreather including me in a cringe compilation somewhere.
So you'll probably be expecting more from me soon, although the topics might change a bit. I think one goal I want to achieve is sort of a consolidation of the Ego, Superego, and Id, in like a "Grand scope reason meets base desires meets personal flair" kinda way? I'll work it out.
Anime.
At the same time I've recognized something of a deep-seated fear I've had since I graduated uni, in that I'm horrified of the prospect of things in my life being lost or forgotten. I've been rigorously keeping a journal for a bit more than a year now and it's been nice actually being able to recall my past excursions from it. But sometimes it feels like the more stuff I introduce into my life, the more I worry about losing. That may be a very human thing to deal with or maybe I'm just incredibly stubborn in some regards. I do think this is probably my biggest hurdle to overcome. It's kinda strange to have to worry about something very abstract instead of something more grounded like, a relationship, a career, a family member, a tragedy of untold breadth, etc. But I kinda feel like I have to take care of that big question before I can make that jump.
In another topic, I've been drawing a lot more explicit artwork lately, which is something of an evolution on an earlier perspective I had where I was very standoffish about opening up about things. I've read a few articles on the matter and I'm trying to draw more self-indulgent stuff, but I've also connected with more people lately that have similar perspectives and listening to them made me think of art in a different way, in that in can be a window for others to not only look into your psyche, but allow them to see what's inside them as well. And I think that's pretty inspiring! And it's just nice to get it out there that there's things that interest me and I don't have to worry about some dorko mouthbreather including me in a cringe compilation somewhere.
So you'll probably be expecting more from me soon, although the topics might change a bit. I think one goal I want to achieve is sort of a consolidation of the Ego, Superego, and Id, in like a "Grand scope reason meets base desires meets personal flair" kinda way? I'll work it out.
Anime.
