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Tough stuff.
6 years ago
General
G'DAY MATES!
Im sorry...I really am.
There's just a lot of bullshit happening right now. Some is on my part, other stuff is trying to find a new house but go to college at the same time, find a job to pay rent, pay insurance, family issues, work schedule, AND finish this fucking animation. I've been putting the final finish off because I've just been dogshit tired and swamped with so much stuff that I'm just out of breath by thinking of all the stuff I have to do. I'm really angry at myself mostly because I was asked for this animation in fucking October....and now its Nov 13th. Like seriously? But no, fucking california over here decided to be on fucking fire again and which PG& Dipshits over here decided, "You know what would help? Shutting off everyone's power." Next thing I know, nearley half of my work gets corrupted and fucked, so I had to start that part over again. And not only that, but work calls me asking for double booking shifts that add up to 13 - 16 hour days back to back for almost a week. I'm about ready to lose my fucking mind because of current shit going on. And not to mention I'm having this guy wait on my dumbass to finish probably something super simple. AND ON TOP OF THAT! My asshole landlord wants to raise our rent to nearly $4k a month. So my friends and I are basically getting the boot. So we think, ok...Fine, we'll go somewhere else. But we're most likely gonna be back at square one. But this time, not knowing where the fuck we're at. (We're planning to move to portland because we've all visited that place for half a month and really liked it.) Im not to worried about finding stagehand work up there because there's almost always some event going on every day. My 3 friends on the other hand have a bit of a bigger problem. But then I start having a fucking panic attack thinking about my college major and If I'm gonna like it or even make a single dollar. AND I JUST......I just need a break to sort this stuff out. I've already cried maybe 7 times today just to get it out. I work really hard for things, but I tend to overwork myself to the bone. And when I get home, all I want to do is just play games with my friends to somewhat forget the stress in the back of my head. And that was one thing I wanted to tell some of the people angry at me for not being consistent. I'm not doing Animations full time. I don't have a patreon because I have 3 jobs that I'm working to make money. Plus, It was more or less just a hobby, not a profession. And I felt comfy leaving it that way. I've thought about deleting or disabling my account because there's always a part of me that keeps thinking, "You know...You're sitting here playing Tarkov, when you could be animating to finish the fucking request." And then starts the spiral. or even making fuckin SOMETHING people will like. I know I said I had another request to do after the sabrina one, IF I EVER GODDAMN FINISH IT! But I might have to retake that statement because I did truly enjoy just making random animations. But doing a request almost feels limiting to me, and I just don't like the feeling. It has nothing to do with the person making the request. It's just that I realized that I just don't like taking requests all that much. So, hopefully with that being said, I sort my edge out and get back in gear. But as of now....I'm gonna be going dark for a bit. I just need a moment to not lose my mind.
I'm really sorry everyone. To me...this feels like I've failed. I failed hard. And It really hurts me to say that because I don't like quitting. But this is just too much for me right now. I have too much on my plate and I just can't take it anymore. I wont delete my account, but I'm just gonna be silent for a bit. Once again....I am really really sorry for this. I'l try to do better next time.
There's just a lot of bullshit happening right now. Some is on my part, other stuff is trying to find a new house but go to college at the same time, find a job to pay rent, pay insurance, family issues, work schedule, AND finish this fucking animation. I've been putting the final finish off because I've just been dogshit tired and swamped with so much stuff that I'm just out of breath by thinking of all the stuff I have to do. I'm really angry at myself mostly because I was asked for this animation in fucking October....and now its Nov 13th. Like seriously? But no, fucking california over here decided to be on fucking fire again and which PG& Dipshits over here decided, "You know what would help? Shutting off everyone's power." Next thing I know, nearley half of my work gets corrupted and fucked, so I had to start that part over again. And not only that, but work calls me asking for double booking shifts that add up to 13 - 16 hour days back to back for almost a week. I'm about ready to lose my fucking mind because of current shit going on. And not to mention I'm having this guy wait on my dumbass to finish probably something super simple. AND ON TOP OF THAT! My asshole landlord wants to raise our rent to nearly $4k a month. So my friends and I are basically getting the boot. So we think, ok...Fine, we'll go somewhere else. But we're most likely gonna be back at square one. But this time, not knowing where the fuck we're at. (We're planning to move to portland because we've all visited that place for half a month and really liked it.) Im not to worried about finding stagehand work up there because there's almost always some event going on every day. My 3 friends on the other hand have a bit of a bigger problem. But then I start having a fucking panic attack thinking about my college major and If I'm gonna like it or even make a single dollar. AND I JUST......I just need a break to sort this stuff out. I've already cried maybe 7 times today just to get it out. I work really hard for things, but I tend to overwork myself to the bone. And when I get home, all I want to do is just play games with my friends to somewhat forget the stress in the back of my head. And that was one thing I wanted to tell some of the people angry at me for not being consistent. I'm not doing Animations full time. I don't have a patreon because I have 3 jobs that I'm working to make money. Plus, It was more or less just a hobby, not a profession. And I felt comfy leaving it that way. I've thought about deleting or disabling my account because there's always a part of me that keeps thinking, "You know...You're sitting here playing Tarkov, when you could be animating to finish the fucking request." And then starts the spiral. or even making fuckin SOMETHING people will like. I know I said I had another request to do after the sabrina one, IF I EVER GODDAMN FINISH IT! But I might have to retake that statement because I did truly enjoy just making random animations. But doing a request almost feels limiting to me, and I just don't like the feeling. It has nothing to do with the person making the request. It's just that I realized that I just don't like taking requests all that much. So, hopefully with that being said, I sort my edge out and get back in gear. But as of now....I'm gonna be going dark for a bit. I just need a moment to not lose my mind.
I'm really sorry everyone. To me...this feels like I've failed. I failed hard. And It really hurts me to say that because I don't like quitting. But this is just too much for me right now. I have too much on my plate and I just can't take it anymore. I wont delete my account, but I'm just gonna be silent for a bit. Once again....I am really really sorry for this. I'l try to do better next time.
Giving yourself some time off to breathe ain’t giving up in my book, so take the time that ya need. And yeah, things are prob gonna get worse before it gets better, but you’ll get there.
Do what ya gotta do.
It's understandable to stop animating. Just get your stuff together because resl life is more importend then the Internet ever be!
I wish you very much luck and a good solution to your panic attacks.
Everything what i can is, that i will wait as long as it needs to.
Good luck!
P.S. I just wrote an essay on the California wildfires, coincidentally. PG&E shut off the power because having active transmission wires was a safety hazard and could potentially start fires. They're bankrupt due to lawsuits against them and their blame for the Camp Fire of 2017. So yeah, it sucks ass, but it was necessary for the public good.
First end with your personal problems, I can only wish you encourage and good vibes