Since it is coming to almost end of the year I thought do a journal so why the heck not. I suppose who ever watches me sometimes come’s by my journals for who ever has watched me for over a decade.

I will say this year has definitely been a bumpy ride. I sometimes wish I wasn’t always kind and too caring sometimes you know… always a giver and give the karma to people around me.

Heck my target next year I should learn to be abit more selfish and think of myself… surely I should try I am 30 I gotta try and do my own goals and dreams even if I have to do it alone.

But I am possibly waffling on abit my apologies. But yes this year has been a bumpy ride. Been some ups and downs and again always things too experience.

Like the beginning of the year was decent with the friends I have around me. But definitely had to give a step back sometimes of not hogging peoples company. I understand people on the internet do come and go it can happen.

It is always easy too type too people when on the internet compared too physically meet them. But eh that what shyness happens to you.

With confidence though I have been abroad again this year to Serbia. I had a epic 5 days out there with a fellow long term gamer I used to play with on the internet met his wife and family and the capital city of Belgrade was absolutely stunning. Even the 27c temperatures were quiet lucky for October.

My other trips this year has been Confuzzled 2019. I have absolutely enjoyed my time there and cross me claws I can return in 2020 but wait and see on that that’s for sure.

Besides one convention I went to a 2nd one twice in one year woot. I went too Furcation 2019. Ofcourse both conventions with different weather conditions haha but overall the passion of company with the people I met has been amazing.

But overall at the ending of this year the strength of being strong and standing it is always nice to keep walking forward and doing your best. But phew surprising how depression can kick you in the darn teeth.

For someone who is 29 and thinks oh I gotta be mature and keep a steady pace well heh that went out the window for sure. After 10 years of not having a relationship someone comes into my life this year. Let say ticked all the boxes was out of this world truly. Thinking oh my lord he is the one to be intimate relationship for the rest of my life.

But man for being single for a solid 10 years I was a solid rock. But man when this person came into the picture I became clay… and that clay got cut into pieces and slashed. Such old emotions from my teens came out of me of jealousy and paranoia kicks in of natural instincts.

Just to think being nearly 30 surely I would had the strength to hold such things away from me. But man… surprising how squishy and alone I felt again after a wake up to reality.

But with all things still fresh in my mind apologies for venting its nice too exhale such things for sure. But heck dunno if I am doing is idiotic or dumb but heck why not. 2020 be selfish and think of number 1 myself. Stop circling around everyone too make them happy before myself.

My bucket list is filling up and I can’t just wait… any longer save don’t share it. I have done enough politeness too others and I feel I should dust myself off and sail on journeys I should start bloody doing.

So bring on 2020 woot…

Thanks for reading whoever did and may you all have a good Christmas in 2019.

Take Care
WelshDrag / Scot