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Update (more tomorrow)
6 years ago
Where do I start?
It’s not a big secret that I’ve been struggling for quite a while now. I've posted about this stuff every so often. This year has been just been one bad thing after another, my depression has been at an all time high, I am way behind schedule, deadlines are getting harder to keep and I feel like everything has been snowballing out of my control for some time now. I’ve even started distancing myself from friends, even ignoring them sometimes and doing whatever I can to avoid talking about myself in social settings.
The last few months have been especially rough… The more I’ve tried to gain back control of things, get on top of my shit and recover, the harder it seems to do so. For everything I do good, or any progress I make with anything, something else happens to negatively balance things out again, which in turns makes it feel like doing my best is never good enough. And gradually over time this has worn me down, and I feel utterly defeated.
Last week I just snapped and broke down because of all the stress and anxiety I’m dealing with.
I haven’t picked up my pen to draw in 4 days and I’ve been ignoring messages. When I broke Thursday I was ready to quit being an artist. Forever. And right now that option is still on the table, but I also don’t want to give up. Honestly, since then I’ve just been hiding and ignoring from my problems the past few days by hanging out with friends and burying myself in video games. Despite all the crushing deadlines and work I have to do, fucking up a lot, making the wrong choices and bills that are going unpaid… I’m not gonna feel guilty about this or say I’m sorry this time. I’m tired of apologizing.
I have… a lot more to say, there’s a lot of issues I want to cover but I don’t think I have the time/energy to try and filter my emotions out to sound neutral today. I’m gonna continue to weigh my options tonight and I’ll have more to talk about tomorrow.
It’s not a big secret that I’ve been struggling for quite a while now. I've posted about this stuff every so often. This year has been just been one bad thing after another, my depression has been at an all time high, I am way behind schedule, deadlines are getting harder to keep and I feel like everything has been snowballing out of my control for some time now. I’ve even started distancing myself from friends, even ignoring them sometimes and doing whatever I can to avoid talking about myself in social settings.
The last few months have been especially rough… The more I’ve tried to gain back control of things, get on top of my shit and recover, the harder it seems to do so. For everything I do good, or any progress I make with anything, something else happens to negatively balance things out again, which in turns makes it feel like doing my best is never good enough. And gradually over time this has worn me down, and I feel utterly defeated.
Last week I just snapped and broke down because of all the stress and anxiety I’m dealing with.
I haven’t picked up my pen to draw in 4 days and I’ve been ignoring messages. When I broke Thursday I was ready to quit being an artist. Forever. And right now that option is still on the table, but I also don’t want to give up. Honestly, since then I’ve just been hiding and ignoring from my problems the past few days by hanging out with friends and burying myself in video games. Despite all the crushing deadlines and work I have to do, fucking up a lot, making the wrong choices and bills that are going unpaid… I’m not gonna feel guilty about this or say I’m sorry this time. I’m tired of apologizing.
I have… a lot more to say, there’s a lot of issues I want to cover but I don’t think I have the time/energy to try and filter my emotions out to sound neutral today. I’m gonna continue to weigh my options tonight and I’ll have more to talk about tomorrow.
And every single time, I did not give up. I weighed my options.
But, and this is important, I told people about my options.
Weighing the options by yourself doesn't allow for others to share their experiences with you. You may think one option is a great deal, but a friend may provide some insight in a perspective you never could see by yourself, and change your options dramatically.
Whatever you choose to do, though, know that we support you. No matter the cost.