I honestly am so tired today. Today was a struggle to wake up and not go back to sleep to avoid the crushing amount of dread and a sense of failure I have. Now, this isn't new, I've had a few days where I've woken up feeling like a failure and wanting to just sleep all day, that's why I haven't done a lot of finished art lately. But, today was worse. I woke up and I honestly wondered why I let myself live past my high school graduation to be a burden upon my family.

As you notice, I'm trying to sell commissions, adoptables, anything really to make money, and that is because I honestly do not have a job. You can comment about how lazy I am, how I need to quit being a failure and actually start being an adult, how I need to grow up and whatever, but know that I'm already aware of that. I'm not here to be helped, I'm here because I need to keep you updated and I just need to vent. This journal may be taken down soon, but for now, it acts as an in-depth explanation as to why I haven't been putting my best out.


I am simply so tired with life, so tired of trying to draw and having it look like trash, tired of knowing how much of a disappointment I am to my mother, I'm exhausted from failing to sell the only thing I'm good at, I'm tired of skipping meals, worrying about how the wifi is going to be shut off and I won't even be able to help in what meaningless way I can. These past few days I've woken up with such reluctance, with the thought of being a failure, and the reminder that my mom is going to die and I'll be forced to live on being toxicly co-dependant, unable to drive, live on my own or pull my weight in any proper way, and I'm getting sick of it. It feels like every day I take one step closer to taking my own life.

I'm tired of fighting this, so today I'm going to let myself wallow and cry, and maybe tomoow I can bare to sketch. Thanks for reading, sorry that I had a breakdown in this journal, I appreciate all of the page visits.