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Concluding the Year/Concluding a Decade
6 years ago
We have reached the end of 2019. And with that, we've reached the end of the 2010's.
For me, 2019 has ended on a much happier note than when it began. I end the year establishing myself at 84 Lumber as their Truck Driver with Benefits, and finally emerging from a long, lingering depression that has tormented me for half the decade. My mental health had taken a lot of abuse this year, but now I have been slowly decompressing from everything that had happened.
2019 began with me continuing at Lowe's in Delivery Services. Throughout the year, I watched as my job began to slowly deteriorate, by the actions of Lowe's Corporate, and an ethically ruinous management team that drove my department into the ground. As the year went on, I felt as though I was increasingly in a mental haze, a choking fog that numbed me throughout the day. Poorly done deliveries, rude customers, and incompetent employees only added to the stress. I grew particularly disgusted at management; conniving, gaslighting, manipulative, Machiavellian. Those are the words to describe some of my management team. My supervisor would never be around to help, but if we got delayed, he'd be the first to complain. I should have left months before I was forced to, but fear of the unknown and unemployment, kept me in a deteriorating situation. The job stress got to everyone, and bad attitudes and disgruntlement were common in deliveries. I got into an argument with the Delivery Coordinator who replaced me, which ended up getting me almost fired for telling him to "go fuck himself". I suspect there was more said than what actually happened- the dude who replaced me was the kind of race baiter who said "that's racist" to any kind of criticism. He had an axe to grind with me because I always held his incompetency accountable; I was a former coordinator who couldn't take the stress anymore, and his incompetency was making everything worse for the rest of the team. It finally concluded in August, when I had make a private joke about my "supervisor being mentally retarded". Coordinator ran to tell him, and the next day, Lowe's forced me to fill out a statement, which I initially refused. The final straw came when the manager lied to my face and said "I know nothing about your prior disciplinary write-ups". I stormed out of the office knowing I was to be fired. The next day, I came in, cleaned out my locker, and gave them my resignation. I turned around and walked out. Never looked back. I refused to give them the pleasure of firing me, and it felt empowering to quit on my terms. It felt as though 20 tons of weight came off my shoulders; the mental fog lifted.
I spent five weeks of 2019 unemployed. It was a time to mentally recuperate, but it was a slow recuperation, as the thought of finding a job at at me at all times. Out of the blue, 84 called me, and a very fast interview got me hired as their truck driver. I am very thankful to 84 for bringing me in at such a critical juncture. Since September 30, I have driven over 9,000 miles in the state of Ohio. Sometimes you get headaches, but that's natural. I love getting out to see the state. Just me, my load, and a rumbling runner truck on the highway. It has allowed me to decompress. There's still progress to go, but mentally I haven't felt this good in a long time. Retail sucks the life out of everything, it seems.
I also end the year establishing my friendship with
hawkwolf and 
chadfoxx up in Michigan. I am thankful that I got to spend a few weekends with them up in their hometown. They helped me keep my sanity through the year~ I end the year having finally met 
rrowdybeast, formerly Silver Fenrir. He was the first furry I ever spoke to, way back in July 2007. For over a decade, I longed to meet him, and that finally came true this month. A truly wonderful guy, who always inspired me and my furry aspirations in drawing and later writing when others were rather cruel. Finally a friendship across the cyber world, can be continued in the real realm.
The Decade: I began this decade as a naive 17 year old approaching the cusp of graduating high school. I had no set goal in mind at the time, and the thought of college was daunting. I was an opportunist who thought that life was going to be great. I end this decade as a jaded, burned-out 27 year old. Life throughout the decade as punched me, kicked me when I was down, bloodied my nose. But I am thankful that it allowed me to become more cynical, as life is a dog eat dog world. It's full of cruelty, bootlickers, sycophants. "Ever notice we live in a world where good men are murdered and mediocre hacks thrive?" -Bill Hicks. This decade I have learned so much about myself, good and bad. I realized how my Autism affects me, I realized what I lacked socially, and tried to gain. I learned who my real friends are, and gained many more along the way. I used to think I was a failure because of my Autism, that I was some pathetic loser who'd amount to nothing. But I realized what I accomplished in these ten years; I have been consistently employed one way or another since 2011, I bought the truck I always wanted, I have been able to maintain a full time job. I have achieved so much, with a little help along the way, but I did it through willpower. It wasn't perfect, but nothing's perfect in life.
As we begin a new decade, I can't help but worry about where we're heading as a country, as a global community. As 2019 closes, we face challenges and threats; as a country, we're divided worse than ever, in a hyperpartisan gridlock, approaching a major election. The mesmerizing sirens of totalitarianism sing, enticing people towards the jagged rocks of tyranny, the blackness of fascism. I say this to both sides of the political world- Republicans, Democrats, Liberals, Conservatives: Be careful what you wish for, as the political pendulum can swing the other way, and, those who sacrifice freedom for safety, deserve neither. Perhaps it's always darkest before the dawn~
Thank you all my watchers here on FA. Have a happy New Years!
-Coyote
For me, 2019 has ended on a much happier note than when it began. I end the year establishing myself at 84 Lumber as their Truck Driver with Benefits, and finally emerging from a long, lingering depression that has tormented me for half the decade. My mental health had taken a lot of abuse this year, but now I have been slowly decompressing from everything that had happened.
2019 began with me continuing at Lowe's in Delivery Services. Throughout the year, I watched as my job began to slowly deteriorate, by the actions of Lowe's Corporate, and an ethically ruinous management team that drove my department into the ground. As the year went on, I felt as though I was increasingly in a mental haze, a choking fog that numbed me throughout the day. Poorly done deliveries, rude customers, and incompetent employees only added to the stress. I grew particularly disgusted at management; conniving, gaslighting, manipulative, Machiavellian. Those are the words to describe some of my management team. My supervisor would never be around to help, but if we got delayed, he'd be the first to complain. I should have left months before I was forced to, but fear of the unknown and unemployment, kept me in a deteriorating situation. The job stress got to everyone, and bad attitudes and disgruntlement were common in deliveries. I got into an argument with the Delivery Coordinator who replaced me, which ended up getting me almost fired for telling him to "go fuck himself". I suspect there was more said than what actually happened- the dude who replaced me was the kind of race baiter who said "that's racist" to any kind of criticism. He had an axe to grind with me because I always held his incompetency accountable; I was a former coordinator who couldn't take the stress anymore, and his incompetency was making everything worse for the rest of the team. It finally concluded in August, when I had make a private joke about my "supervisor being mentally retarded". Coordinator ran to tell him, and the next day, Lowe's forced me to fill out a statement, which I initially refused. The final straw came when the manager lied to my face and said "I know nothing about your prior disciplinary write-ups". I stormed out of the office knowing I was to be fired. The next day, I came in, cleaned out my locker, and gave them my resignation. I turned around and walked out. Never looked back. I refused to give them the pleasure of firing me, and it felt empowering to quit on my terms. It felt as though 20 tons of weight came off my shoulders; the mental fog lifted.
I spent five weeks of 2019 unemployed. It was a time to mentally recuperate, but it was a slow recuperation, as the thought of finding a job at at me at all times. Out of the blue, 84 called me, and a very fast interview got me hired as their truck driver. I am very thankful to 84 for bringing me in at such a critical juncture. Since September 30, I have driven over 9,000 miles in the state of Ohio. Sometimes you get headaches, but that's natural. I love getting out to see the state. Just me, my load, and a rumbling runner truck on the highway. It has allowed me to decompress. There's still progress to go, but mentally I haven't felt this good in a long time. Retail sucks the life out of everything, it seems.
I also end the year establishing my friendship with
hawkwolf and 
chadfoxx up in Michigan. I am thankful that I got to spend a few weekends with them up in their hometown. They helped me keep my sanity through the year~ I end the year having finally met 
rrowdybeast, formerly Silver Fenrir. He was the first furry I ever spoke to, way back in July 2007. For over a decade, I longed to meet him, and that finally came true this month. A truly wonderful guy, who always inspired me and my furry aspirations in drawing and later writing when others were rather cruel. Finally a friendship across the cyber world, can be continued in the real realm. The Decade: I began this decade as a naive 17 year old approaching the cusp of graduating high school. I had no set goal in mind at the time, and the thought of college was daunting. I was an opportunist who thought that life was going to be great. I end this decade as a jaded, burned-out 27 year old. Life throughout the decade as punched me, kicked me when I was down, bloodied my nose. But I am thankful that it allowed me to become more cynical, as life is a dog eat dog world. It's full of cruelty, bootlickers, sycophants. "Ever notice we live in a world where good men are murdered and mediocre hacks thrive?" -Bill Hicks. This decade I have learned so much about myself, good and bad. I realized how my Autism affects me, I realized what I lacked socially, and tried to gain. I learned who my real friends are, and gained many more along the way. I used to think I was a failure because of my Autism, that I was some pathetic loser who'd amount to nothing. But I realized what I accomplished in these ten years; I have been consistently employed one way or another since 2011, I bought the truck I always wanted, I have been able to maintain a full time job. I have achieved so much, with a little help along the way, but I did it through willpower. It wasn't perfect, but nothing's perfect in life.
As we begin a new decade, I can't help but worry about where we're heading as a country, as a global community. As 2019 closes, we face challenges and threats; as a country, we're divided worse than ever, in a hyperpartisan gridlock, approaching a major election. The mesmerizing sirens of totalitarianism sing, enticing people towards the jagged rocks of tyranny, the blackness of fascism. I say this to both sides of the political world- Republicans, Democrats, Liberals, Conservatives: Be careful what you wish for, as the political pendulum can swing the other way, and, those who sacrifice freedom for safety, deserve neither. Perhaps it's always darkest before the dawn~
Thank you all my watchers here on FA. Have a happy New Years!
-Coyote
