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End of decade thoughts
6 years ago
Thoughts on a whole decade? That's a lot to unload. Where do you even start?
I know most users would rather not read a big wall of text outlining my subjective 2010's experience, so I'll condense it to the best of my ability. I feel a made enough progress. Sort of. I did a lot of things in the 2010's that I honestly should have spent the 2000's doing. I spent my teen years in the 2000's lamenting over the direction the world was heading in while barely doing anything to change my own life.
The 2010's was different.
I moved to Lake Mary, took up drawing, made a FurAffinity account, repurposed a penguin OC I created in 2009 to become my fursona, and then a whole lot of stuff happened. My entry into the furry fandom as Meezoo led to a lot of friendships that would profoundly shape my 2010's experience in ways I couldn't have imagined. I made friends that taught me by example how to become a better person. Even the toxic friendships I was a part of, I still gained some valuable insight from them too. I'm still growing, but that's living. The ability to be patient with yourself is probably the most valuable thing I gained from all of this.
Simultaneously, I still feel I could've left a more meaningful impact on those around me. Being brutally honest with myself here, I still seek validation, and I'm still relying on external things to achieve that feeling. The only instance I felt it this year was when I got all of that Tina fan art on Twitter back in October. I don't live life expecting that to happen often, so I was incredibly grateful when it did happen. Truly, the highlight of my 2019! It communicated to me that others love my character design and retro toony aesthetic enough that I was indeed making an impact after all. I can't thank everyone who participated in that enough.
Outside of my art and characters, I'm aware I've actually become less social since around 2017. A series of events from 2015 to 2017 happened that led to me becoming more reclusive. I'm just not as social as I use to be simply because I don't want to get hurt again. There are still people I talk to, but only those I really trust. My new life as an introvert has led to a lot of introspection and, subsequently, self-improvement. I changed. I became Toothpick.
Now? I'm just a lone agent, drifting in and out of whatever friend circle I find myself in. No longer a major part of anyone's circle of friends, I'm left with no other recourse but to curate for myself a space I could belong in. I suppose I'm okay with that, I just wish I had worked towards it sooner. I'm still thankful for the friendships I got to enjoy this decade. Old friends, new friends, friends that drifted away, even the few friends that became my enemies. I gained something of value from all of them. I grew towards becoming the person I'm going to be in the 2020's.
So much for "condensing" my thoughts, haha! Thanks for reading all of this, whoever got this far. I have major plans for the next decade. I plan to make more art, more characters, and then, build a cohesive lore-driven world around them! We haven't even scratched the surface of what I have planned. I'm going into this decade with a newly strengthened resolve to make my dreams a reality.
Happy New Year, everyone.
I know most users would rather not read a big wall of text outlining my subjective 2010's experience, so I'll condense it to the best of my ability. I feel a made enough progress. Sort of. I did a lot of things in the 2010's that I honestly should have spent the 2000's doing. I spent my teen years in the 2000's lamenting over the direction the world was heading in while barely doing anything to change my own life.
The 2010's was different.
I moved to Lake Mary, took up drawing, made a FurAffinity account, repurposed a penguin OC I created in 2009 to become my fursona, and then a whole lot of stuff happened. My entry into the furry fandom as Meezoo led to a lot of friendships that would profoundly shape my 2010's experience in ways I couldn't have imagined. I made friends that taught me by example how to become a better person. Even the toxic friendships I was a part of, I still gained some valuable insight from them too. I'm still growing, but that's living. The ability to be patient with yourself is probably the most valuable thing I gained from all of this.
Simultaneously, I still feel I could've left a more meaningful impact on those around me. Being brutally honest with myself here, I still seek validation, and I'm still relying on external things to achieve that feeling. The only instance I felt it this year was when I got all of that Tina fan art on Twitter back in October. I don't live life expecting that to happen often, so I was incredibly grateful when it did happen. Truly, the highlight of my 2019! It communicated to me that others love my character design and retro toony aesthetic enough that I was indeed making an impact after all. I can't thank everyone who participated in that enough.
Outside of my art and characters, I'm aware I've actually become less social since around 2017. A series of events from 2015 to 2017 happened that led to me becoming more reclusive. I'm just not as social as I use to be simply because I don't want to get hurt again. There are still people I talk to, but only those I really trust. My new life as an introvert has led to a lot of introspection and, subsequently, self-improvement. I changed. I became Toothpick.
Now? I'm just a lone agent, drifting in and out of whatever friend circle I find myself in. No longer a major part of anyone's circle of friends, I'm left with no other recourse but to curate for myself a space I could belong in. I suppose I'm okay with that, I just wish I had worked towards it sooner. I'm still thankful for the friendships I got to enjoy this decade. Old friends, new friends, friends that drifted away, even the few friends that became my enemies. I gained something of value from all of them. I grew towards becoming the person I'm going to be in the 2020's.
So much for "condensing" my thoughts, haha! Thanks for reading all of this, whoever got this far. I have major plans for the next decade. I plan to make more art, more characters, and then, build a cohesive lore-driven world around them! We haven't even scratched the surface of what I have planned. I'm going into this decade with a newly strengthened resolve to make my dreams a reality.
Happy New Year, everyone.
