So, a few things.

I requested a vacation instead of quitting my job. It's going to be from Septembeber 24th to the 30th. I will use that time to take commissions and see if I can make my weekly pay off of that. I haven't had a vacation in the two years I've been working in the kitchen, so I'm excited to actually get some substantial time off, for once.

I also discovered that I never had medical insurance this whole time. Because I'm part-time. Working in a kitchen. At a hospital. So on top of working during a pandemic, I'm also working during a pandemic without insurance. So that's lovely. Totally doesn't add to my anxiety at all. Definitely doesn't make me want to look for another job as soon as possible. I don't know why I didn't just consider that option. I mean it's going to be a challenge in today's economic climate, but I can try at least.

On top of everything, I've just been feeling demoralized. I'm too emotionally spent to maintain the relationships I've formed with others in this community, yet I feel lonely. I want to keep trying, but all I can do is take to Twitter, occasionally post artwork and quips, and just watch the numbers go up. Numbers are nice and all, but it's not a substitute for personal connections. Everything that's happened in 2020 has caused almost everyone to socially withdraw, and I don't blame them.

I'm a toon. I always want to make others smile and laugh. It's always demoralizing when you try to make others happy, and yet there's little to no sign you've succeeded or left a particularly positive impact on others. I see the number of likes/favorites go up, and I appreciate the compliments my artwork gets, but I'd like to think I'm more than just an art machine. I'd like to think my personality and sense of humor are part of what draws folks in. If I knew for sure I've left a positive impact on someone, I'd feel a lot more motivated right now. That would leave a positive impact on me, anyway.