Amen to that, and fingers crossed!

*Hugs tight* I'm glad you're getting therapy and that it's helping you out. I know that to a lot of people therapy can be a bit of a dirty word, but anything that can help you both understand things and learn to deal with them can't be bad. Here's wishing you all the best for the future, and thank you for taking this step.

As for the new layout, I'm still getting used to it, myself. So far my biggest complaint is that they moved the folders list to the right when I'm used to it being on the right. And the whole thing of having the favorite button up and to the right instead of under the picture has been kind of confusing, too. So, basically, no real complaints, just teething troubles. Once I have a better grasp on things, maybe I can help!

Thank You! *Hugs Tightly while Nuzzling the Sweet Bunny*
I've never truly understood why Therapy was considered such a Taboo thing...I mean everyone has Some kind of an issue, Granted Most are not a severe as other's nor as noticable in most cases. But just like going to a doctor when you're sick, Therapy is no different. My parents railed against it, and Most everyone I've ever known would say "it's a waste of time" or "it's only for Crazy People." But the Truth is (as I have discovered) it Can be Both very Helpful and Beneficial to a person who is having issues.
The worst part is, I knew I had Depression and I suspected some Childhood Trauma (though I didn't fully understand to what extent until now) but I never suspected the Major Depression or the Type Two Bipolar! After the diagnosis my wife confirmed that I was Bipolar and that I had some pretty bad mood swings that I was completely unaware of. As she said, "You were not aware of there severity because it was happening to You." And she's absolutely right. You don't clearly see what going on when it You that it's happening to.
Since I've been on this medication, I've begun to notice a lot of thing's changing in my head....I see thing's Much more clearly now,it's as if the fog has lifted. I don't Constantly contemplate suicide anymore, my focus has become much clearer. It's Truly Amazing what a difference a simple little pill and someone who Truly understands what you are going through and Know's how to help you resolve it can do! I am just amazed.
Of course I cannot take all the credit, you and a couple of other Very close friends are responsible for helping me get this far. Had it not been for you, I would have likely given up a Long Time ago.... Thank You Megan, and everyone else who was there when I Truly needed you Most..... You're the reason I'm still here to bother you Today! *Hugs Tightly*

As for the site changes, you should try looking it up on your phone....I cannot find Any of those buttons, nor comments or even New posts or journals.

You can always switch the layout back.



It's good to know you have a label to use; it can be very hard to fix something when you don't know how it works. For all that is said about psychology and medication, when it works it can greatly improve a person's life. It sounds like this new avenue is very productive, with any luck this is just the beginning of the changes in your life.

I did switch it back...I simply couldn't find find Anything on my phone, no submissions, no journals not even the comments!

There's a Great Stigma in this country about Psychology and related Medications. Some of it I understand, as in Drugging children who are having trouble in school simply because the teacher doesn't take the time to properly explain the lessons to them. I went through the same thing, only they didn't have such drugs back then so I was spared that side of it.
But after suffering with these issues and having everyone tell me "Just get over it, you're making a Big deal out of Nothing!" My entire life, it's actually quite nice to finally have confirmation that Something is wrong and that these thing's I feel are Real and not just something I've Subconsciously made up.
To finally have confirmation that it's Not normal to contemplate suicide every waking moment of your life, or to dread the day is out to get you everytime you open your eye's.
And so far the medication is helping me to see thing's in a new and positive light for a change. I've always been taught that Therapy and Mind Medications were a Bad Thing. Even though many of my relatives had mental issues and were on medications to help them.
*Hugs Tightly* I Truly Hope this is a New Beginning for all the suffering I've had to do to this point.....and had it not been for you and a Very few other's always being there when I Truly needed you Most, I may not have ever taken these steps my Dear Friend. *Hugs* Thank You!

The issue with mental problems are twofold. Firstly we udnervalue what we can't see. With any issue that involves 'invisible' damage such as depression or leaky gut you'll find people saying 'Well it's all in your head'. If there's no obvious, visible symptoms then surely it's easily cured? And that feeds into our belief that will is everything, that if you're determined enough you can rise above and conquer.

Medication by contrast is weak. It's relying on something from outside rather than from within. The same goes for therapy which suggests you can't solve your own problems. And the implication there is that you're defective, that there's something wrong with you. People look down on that.

But that's the point, there IS something wrong with you. THAT is the Bad Thing that should be fixed. I'd make a stupid analogy about people not going to hospital when they have a broken leg, but I've seen guys who do THAT too, my father almost killed himself over a dead tooth because he wouldn't admit he was physically ill.

But people don't like that. They don't like to need it themselves and they don't like to see it in others. It raises scary possibilities about not being able to control the world through the power of thought and feeling alone. It suggests a cold and uncaring fate that can saddle someone with something terrible not because they're evil or lazy but just because. The world where people who suffer deserve it somehow is much more comforting.

There's always two sides to everything and quite often the best path forward considers both of them, if not necessarily compromising. There's a lot to be said, for example, on the fact that the youngest children in a school year are the most medicated or diagnosed with ADD. And current medication can be rather hit or miss, especially around depression where we don't really know how things work. Our state medicine provider recently changed a depression medication to a cheaper version and at the same time a bunch of patients mysteriously died. Things can go wrong.

But they can go right too and on balance these sorts of treatments can drastically alter the lives of people for the better. I suspect I don't have to tell you that; with any luck this will indeed be a bright new dawn where things pick up and stay there. Look forward to seeing how everything continues to work out in future.

*patpats*

Hugs Tightly* That's one of the thing's I So admire about you, you are Very Well Read and Truly Understand So much about the Human condition. Your rationale is so attuned to that which so many are going through.... in short my dear friend, you understand me very well!

I grow so tired of people asking me "What have you got to be depressed about?" As if I have a Choice.... As if I somehow like or Want this feeling of Udder Hopelessness in my life.
And you're So right about it not being a physically Noticable problem, so it simply must not exist. But it does all the same.....
Given what I've always been Told/Taught, I Never would believe that I would be in therapy, yet here I am and I'm already learning and seeing a difference. I Wish I had done this Year's ago as now I look back at all those year's of pain and sadness and think what a wasted life I've had to have spent so much time suffering needlessly when I could have gotten help.

I Truly Hope this path continues and I can for once in my life not only experience but perhaps understand happiness and what it means to feel Good about my existence.
Yes, I fully understand your analogy and I'm sorry to hear your father is so stubborn. I knew a kid in school who broke his ankle playing football and continued playing for three more months despite the pain. The doctor had to Re-brake it and set it proper. All the coach could say was What a Brave and Strong person he was to continue playing in pain like that....I say what a dumb ass personally. Still he was the School Hero!

You are so right that this is a Two Part treatment. I was seriously under the impression that the pill would cure everything! Yet as I found out yesterday, the medication treats the Physical side, but the Therapy is Equally Necessary to treat the Mental aspect of it.
One without the other is like riding a motorcycle with only one wheel, it Can be done....but you're still not going to get where you Want to be.

I'm so sorry to hear that the state tried to take the Cheap way out....at the cost of so many innocent lives....that is Truly sad.

You have done a lot more for me than you may realize, and I Sincerely Thank you for That! *Hugs*

You really Do need two parts to a treatment. The idea of popping a pill to get what you want is rightfully seen as ridiculous, the sought-after instant cure-all (Most famously the mythical diet pill that will let you eat a dozen hamburgers for lunch and still have a sleek figure.) It's seldom ever that easy when it comes to the big stuff.

Therapy I have found is about learning. There's an idea out there that you have a problem, go to therapy and have some revelation that Changes you and then you're done. 'Oh! When I was 5 a dog barked at me and scared me and that's why I hate animals' type stuff. But I've found that it's mostly about learning about yourself, who you really are and how you work. Sure you might find out why you hate something, but then you'll learn how to recognize that issue and how to deal with it when it arises.

And that sort of knowledge has value long after the initial therapy has ended. Ideally you learn how to deal with the issues you live with, how to modify your thinking and behavior so that when problems arise you're not helpless against them. It can be impossible to remove big issues from your life (Because that may involve changing the world or the very way you are.) but it's quite often possible to learn how to cope with and overcome them.

We respect people who overcome great odds. There's nothing we like more than a rags-to-riches story, a plucky underdog who wins or someone who's held back but powers through. And there's much to be said for that. But we take this and we extend it in odd ways.

If the udnerdog winning is inspiring, then the overdog winning is at best dull and at worst a triumph of evil. If triumphing over adversity is a Good Thing then those who don't are Not As Good and adversity must be sought out, even if unnecessary. Those who seek help are somehow lesser, they 'can't take it' Real Men just don't have problems. They don't cry or get upset (Though they might get angry.), they're never sad or depressed, they don't feel pain. How do they do this? You're not supposed to ask. They just Do through sheer Manliness and Willpower.

This is why so much 'advice' in that vein is so simple yet obtuse. 'Deal with it. 'Cheer up'. How? You're not supposed to ask, just Do. The idea that you CAN'T do, nobody wants to hear that. Be inspiring and beat the odds, even if by definition the odds must involve a lot of other people failing. And people who do big stupid things are often more admired than those who do small, sensible things. (Even if those 'small' people actually do MORE.)

One story of this is Roald Amundsen and his journey to the south pole. he was the first to reach it, but when he got back he was all but ignored. Why? Because OTHER groups had tried and perished, or lost people and been forced to go back. Merely reaching the pole and coming back alive just wasn't as grand an accomplishment. When a party was thrown, it was for his sled dog 'for they had left some of their number on the ice in lieu of man.' Sometimes it's hard to tell if the 'normal' among us aren't equally insane.

But in the end, if your therapy is worth its salt, and it most certainly seems to be, then its gift will be not just in the present but in the future. The best help is that which not only solves the current problem but changes a worldview or a person and makes them stronger and more capable as they go forward.

Have I ever told you that you have an Understanding that is Unparalleled to any I have met before? You my friend have hot this Directly on the Head!
Yes, it Truly is foolish to think that there's a "Cure all" pill.... but I think I just wanted to believe so badly, and some people I have talked to only mentioned what their medication did for them, leaving out the therapy side of it.

You're Absolutely Right about Therapy not being a fix but rather a tool that you can use to Better understand yourself and your mental workings. I find it fascinating how much I have already been taught about myself that I never had an idea about before.
How important of a roll that Early childhood development plays in ones life, and how not recieving that nurturing and protective feeling in childhood can create such deep and sometimes devastating results later on in adult life.
But thanks to therapy not only have I begun to better understand myself, but also my Mum who was Most abusive to me.
She too was abused as a child and when I asked why she would choose to continue abusive after have suffered it herself, the therapist simply replied "Perhaps she was never exposed to anything different, therefore That became the "Norm" and was not looked upon as abuse." I found this thought Most intriguing.

She has taught me so much about myself that I never realized or understood. Therapy has proven Most Beneficial for me and has helped to unravel the confusion.
While the medication has successfully stopped the suicidal thoughts and put to rest the Crushing Depression.
I cannot tell you how good it feels to finally make it through a day without thoughts of suicide consuming my every thought. Or to wake up and not feel the weight of the world crush the sheer life out of me. I know I'm a long ways from the finish line, but at least I'm heading in that direction now.

That's Really sad the story about Roland Amundsen....I think sometimes people loose touch with what's Truly important.
Or perhaps they just didn't want to admit it Could be done....Either way, they Seriously Wronged him.

When I was reasonably young I saw a movie called Mystery Men. There's an interracial relationship in it that goes mostly unremarked. It blew my tiny mind. At that time I'd only seen black people in Fresh Prince. From my entire life's experience I had picked up that you had black people and other people and they did their own things. I had no opinion on this, I never questioned it. The instant I saw mingling it made sense, but until that moment I never would have imagined it on my own. And if I hadn't seen that movie I honestly don't know how old I would have been before I learned of such a simple idea.

People like to think that the way they think is somehow natural, that they didn't learn anything, that's just the way any sensible person will automatically think. There's a psychology game where you get $10 and have to split it with a partner, who can refuse your offer and cause both of you to lose the cash. It makes sense to split it 50-50 right? Fair's fair? This was found everywhere it was tested and for a long time it was assumed that humans have an innate sense of fairness... right up until people started testing it outside of English-speaking countries. Then it turned out you got all sorts. In some places a 90-10 split was fine (Money is money.) in others YOU getting 10% was expected (Be generous.) Such a simple notion yet it can vary so much, with people not really questioning their outlook.

We often expect the world to be fair, even when it's unfair. If something hurts us we expect there to be a big reason behind it, simple and clear. You can see this with therapy in movies; whenever someone has a Big Problem you can be sure there was a Pivotal Moment, probably in childhood that caused it. The most common seems to be 'Santa didn't get me this present I wanted so now I hate Christmas'. (Which... c'mon kid, how spoiled do you have to be?)

It can be very jarring indeed to have a lifelong hurt or grudge or grievance, to seek an answer for it and to be told 'I don't know.' How, how can they not know? They changed your life forever, for good or for ill, they have to have known what they were doing at the time, there had to be a reason a plan. But often, so often, nobody planned it, nobody thought or questioned. It was just the way they thought things should be done.

They say travel broadens the mind (An old reply to which is 'in the same way a needle is broader than a pin.') but I think the true strength of therapy is that it teaches new ways of thinking. It asks questions you would never think of and gives perspective you wouldn't imagine.

If there's one thing I'm sure of about people in general it's that they have no idea what's really important.

Huh....that's a very good example of how one learns or is taught and yet doesn't even realize they are learning. I can think of many instances when I was like your younger self and thought thing's worked one way before coming to the realization that I was wrong about it. Naivety is a wondrous thing as it leaves us open and unjudging of new experiences.

I've noticed such differences in different cultures. Here we are taught early one to stand in line single file and Patiently wait your turn, yet my Daughter in law who is from Togo Africa had to have this practice explained to her as in Her country it's pretty much a Free for all. Just as driving there, they have line's on the road and proper lanes with stop lights. But nobody pays attention to these thing's and choose to drive very recklessly instead. If I recall, they don't even have driver's licenses. When you can afford a vehicle, you're ready.
You're Absolutely right that we are taught thing's Subconsciously every minute of everyday and that we often do not realize it is happening. The story of the ten dollar game made me think of the Buddhist Monks who value All gifts Equally. Whether it is a deck of playing cards or a new car, Both have Equal value as they are both gifts and the same amount of thought, care and emotion went into them.

Yes, you are right it is Very disheartening indeed, however as my Therapist explained "How did You know you were not being treated properly?" I told her when I was around my friends, I noticed how they were treated, how Their family functioned in comparison to my own, how They were respected and treated by their parents, how they were loved and I was not.
So she simply replied "That was Your experience. Suppose your mum never Had that experience. Suppose all she knew was the Hate she put onto you as that is what was put on to her. If That's the only life you know and there are No Outside influences to alter your way of thinking or to change your perspective of the world around you....then This becomes your world."
And she's right, my mum lived a Very Isolated life with few to no friends. Her mum was Incredibly abusive mentally (I got to experience it first hand many times) her father died when she was 10 and her Step father relentlessly Beat her and her sister's on top of beting their virginity on card game's with his buddies. What makes it worse is that they were only 11 and 13....he was a Very sick individual. So while I Better understand where this Hate is coming from, I still cannot condone it. She should have had some idea of what she was doing to me.

I Absolutely agree with you on Therapy....That's Exactly what it does in addition to making me think more about my actions and Why I choose them.

Knowing about something and accepting someone had good reasons for it is not the same as condoning it. I know a lot of people who have committed atrocities did so with good intentions. It can be surprising how different people's worldviews can get. The human mind is very VERY good at rationalizing away uncomfortable things. The two main excuses are 'They were bad' and 'I did the bad thing for good reasons.'

Whenever someone is shot by police the first thing done is to look at if they'd committed any crimes, even parking tickets If they're a Bad Person then the Bad Thing isn't that Bad. Similarly it's interesting to see testimony from people who were violent or abusive; a lot say that they did what they did because they had no choice, that to NOT be that way would be to be weak and dominated by others and that anyone they loved had to be treated badly because THEY,as loved ones, would do it in the least damaging way. It can be both interesting and sad to look into the lives of people who understand the world as unavoidably cruel.

While I agree with what you're saying, to say that someone was Bad because they didn't have a Choice is Completely wrong. Everyone has a Choice. And it's the choices that we make and how they affect other's that determines if were good or bad.
To say that someone is abusive because They were abused and this is all they know is also wrong. I was abused, yet I chose Not to be abusive or to hurt other's. We all must make choices in life and we must be held accountable for those choices whether they are good or bad.
Just because I was beaten and mentally tormented does Not give me the right to do that to other's, This I realized at a very early age. Now I suffer the effects of those choices as I turned all of that Agression inward and close to hurt myself instead. This is in addition to all of the Medical stuff that I've now been diagnosed with.

Oh no, it's not a matter of having no choice, it's a question of whether someone realizes that they have a choice. A lot of things everyone does they do without questioning for reasons that they don't think about. A lot of people have experienced the world (Or parts of it) in one way and that shapes their thinking in very permanent ways.

I went to highschool at a place that could be considered 'the wrong side of the tracks'. (It was where my father had gone before me.) It was fine enough at the time (But took a downturn just after.) but when my education was done, all my girlfriends went off to get married and have kids. Like, literally by the time they were 18. What got me at the time was that they talked not like they had no choice but like there was no possible alternative. It was what their mothers and grandmothers and every woman they knew had done. Anything else was done by 'other people'. People in America perhaps or people with money or people not from there, like me. None of 'their' people did things like that.

And it was the 'right' choice, the one that focused on love and family. Bad people put off marriage and worked their lives away, Good people raised kids and made them the best possible Even when MY mother meets old friends some of the first questions are about how her children are doing, what they have achieved and who has been a failure by not raising them right. My mother has witnessed friends break down in tears because their children can't afford to buy houses. It's the mark of ultimate failure.

And I know the same goes for abuse, which is shockingly high among certain groups in my country. I know a lot of families believed in 'toughening them up for the real world', that there were gangs and criminals out there that would 'give you the bash' if you couldn't defend yourself. And this too was right and a good thing to do. They too had a choice over what they did, but NOT being violent would be worse than not teaching your kid how to drive; it would ruin them and set them up for a lifetime of intimidation and exploitation. And they were right; the environment at that time was full of violence and people joined gangs for protection. Things are better now, but mostly because the worst moved away rather than changed.

I can't say that any of those people 'should have known' what they were doing was wrong somehow. I've found there's nothing so obvious or natural that a mind in the right (or wrong) place can't be oblivious to it. There's a saying,'Courage is knowing it will hurt and doing it anyway. So is stupidity, and that is why life is hard.' Both good and evil can be justified and nearly everyone thinks they're doing the right thing.

And even if you decide to change,how do you do that? You need others around you for support,preferably an entire system to help. We know that nearly all 'resolutions' fail, from diets to reading more books. And they fail fast. If you're all you've got, the only one who's trying to change it's nearly impossible to overcome your circumstances and the habits you've built up. It's why the first and loudest bit of advice given is 'Seek help'.

There are always choices, but they're seldom easy and you can only choose once you realize that's possible. It doesn't make things right or the slightest bit better but often things are the way they are because nobody could see another way.

You are right and have pointed out Many interesting and relatable circumstances my Therapist suggested the same thing when I asked how my mum could be so abusive to me. She was Horribly abused as a child, yet in my mind refused change.
My Therapist asked How did I come to realize that what she did to me was wrong? I responded, because I observed my friends and their families. So she suggested "What if she never experienced any different? What if all she knew was abuse and violence?"

You're Absolutely right my friend, we become our surroundings unless some outside influence is injected into our lives.
This is something I'm still learning to understand about myself, my past and my current life.

Sometimes your knowledge, insight and Sheer understanding of thing's simply Amaze me. You have a way of explaining thing's in a way that make so sense and is often times relatable to my own life experience. Most importantly my friend and with all Honesty, you make me think and Thinking to me is a Great gift as it help's to broaden the mind and introduce greater understanding. And understanding is the Greatest Gift one can receive.

You can go back to Classic in the Account settings, either upper right on PC, or hamburger/pancake stack menu button on mobile. You need your password.

It's...not a layout I like.

I do hope the meds help you, without side effects. The therapist sounds helpful, and that's good!

I did end up switching back, thank you!

Yeah, I'm not real found of the New and Improved either....it's completely dysfunctional on my phone.

Yes, the Meds and Therapy are Very Helpful Indeed! *Hugs*

You're very welcome! Yeah, same for me. 'Neer mucked up somewhere, and it hates many people's phones. Ironic, because it's supposedly lightweight and mobile friendly, not requiring JavaScript to work.

I'm glad! *hugs back*

I'm glad you're getting help. I've been dealing with borderline personality disorder since I was a kid.

"Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a condition characterized by difficulties regulating emotion. This means that people who experience BPD feel emotions intensely and for extended periods of time, and it is harder for them to return to a stable baseline after an emotionally triggering event.

This difficulty can lead to impulsivity, poor self-image, stormy relationships and intense emotional responses to stressors. Struggling with self-regulation can also result in dangerous behaviors such as self-harm (e.g. cutting)."

"-Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment by friends and family.
-Unstable personal relationships that alternate between idealization (“I’m so in love!”) and devaluation (“I hate her”). This is also sometimes known as "splitting."
-Distorted and unstable self-image, which affects moods, values, opinions, goals and relationships.
-Impulsive behaviors that can have dangerous outcomes, such as excessive spending, unsafe sex, substance abuse or reckless driving.
-Self-harming behavior including suicidal threats or attempts.
-Periods of intense depressed mood, irritability or anxiety lasting a few hours to a few days.
-Chronic feelings of boredom or emptiness.
-Inappropriate, intense or uncontrollable anger—often followed by shame and guilt.
-Dissociative feelings—disconnecting from your thoughts or sense of identity or “out of body” type of feelings—and stress-related paranoid thoughts. Severe cases of stress can also lead to brief psychotic episodes."
https://www.nami.org/learn-more/men.....ality-disorder

For me it means I've always been afraid people will leave me. Even when I know they love me despite how difficult I can be to deal with sometimes. I've managed to work on the 'I'm so in love/I hate them' thing but it almost caused me to lose my best friend. There was a (thankfully) short period where I stopped feeling in love with him. It was scary but he helped me through it. I have terrible self-image and sometimes feel my opinions mean nothing. I still have a lot of trouble feeling it's worth pursuing art and basically never bother to remember any of my poems as I feel empty immediately after I write them.

When I make a mistake I get depressed. When something bad happens I get depressed. I just get depressed in general and deal with anxiety pretty much constantly. I'm bored a lot and just feel life is pointless a lot. I get really angry and the dumbest things (like my PC taking awhile to load something or having to restart) and feel a lot of shame over getting mad. I'm obsessed with masturbating and always feel empty/ashamed afterwards. I feel out of body a lot and at least once a day I panic thinking people are going to figure out how messed up and how much of a bother I am and hate me.

So yeah-you're not alone and have nothing to be ashamed of. Being able to ask for help and push yourself out the door to get it is something to be proud of.

*Hugs Tightly* I'm so sorry my friend.....I cannot imagine what you must go through or how you suffer as a result. A lot of these feelings you've shared I Can relate too, but not to the extent that you have so well explained here. I fully understand the Depression and to what depths it can reach. The Worthless/Useless feeling, the fear of those who you know love and care about you leaving or in my personal case, fearing that their feelings towards you are all just a charade and in reality they are all laughing behind your back. This sometimes makes friendship seem almost impossible. The feeling of being dependent on other's is a feeling I also understand and fearing that they may not want to be bothered with you anymore.

Please understand my friend that when I say you're my friend, you Truly Are My Friend and I will Never abandon you or give up on you. I'm so sorry you have to suffer this way....I have another Very close friend who suffers from the exact same disorder. He's never gone as far into detail about his sufferings as you have, and I Thank you Most Sincerely for explaining this on such a personal level as it Greatly helps me to Better understand what you and he are going through. And with Understanding comes Hope my friend. Hope tha One day there may be a cure for such a Truly wretched disorder as this.

I'm sure you're recieving psychiatric help and medications for this , yes?
It was a Huge step for me to seek out Therapy as I have always been told how pointless and useless Therapy is and that medications make you a Zombie and how you should just Man Up and Deal with these thing's....but we really cannot just Man Up and Deal with them now can we?
My only regret is Not having done this so many year's ago as now I feel I've wasted So many year's of my life suffering needlessly when I could have been enjoying the life I have.
It's so truly sad that it's taken the death of such a Truly close and Dear Friend for me to finally see that I was heading in the same direction. Had it not been for Bunny, I would have taken my own life long ago. But he saved me....and now he's gone.....and it's Because of Him that I decided it was time to be strong enough
to seek out help.

Please always remember my friend, I will Always be here for you anytime you want or need to talk, or just want to Rant about something. You are a Truly Great and Wonderful Person who I'm Very Proud to call My Friend! *Hugs Tightly*

No psychiatric help. I tried to go to a psychologist last year and found out it was going to cost me $80 a session. That's with Medicare. As far as regrets forgive yourself. There's no guarantee it would have helped. You're in a different place now than you were however long ago it was. The point is you're ready now and that's what matters. I'm glad you had Bunny in your life.

And thanks. It really means a lot. I have a best friend I talk to about things but it's good knowing good people like you are out there. You're a truly great and wonderful person I'm proud to call my friend, too. *Hugs back*

You're right. I'm slowly working on that too.... yes, Bunny meant the World to me...on more than one occasion he kept me from ending it all....I only wish he were here now.

Yeah, that's how much my Therapist cost With insurance.....
It's not cheap by no means, but it is helping and to me anything that gets me out of that darkness I have been consumed by for so many year's is worth it's weight in gold.
I don't know what the psychiatrist is going to cost yet....but I'll have no choice but to pay it now.

That's Great! We all need people we can talk and open up too.
Just keep in mind that I'm always here for you should you ever have a want or need.
Dawwww....I'm just a simple dragon with a Very kind and understanding heart love, nothing more.

Happy (late) new year!

So glad to hear you're getting the help you need! I didn't know there were more types of bi-polar disorder. I have two local friends with it and have seen their struggles. Makes me wonder how many others may go un-diagnosed like you have. You've managed so long without help (barely in some cases, that I know), so I'm glad you're still here and will see brighter days. *hugs!* I'm hoping 2020 will be a great year for you!

*Hugs Tightly* Happy New Year!!
It surprised me too! There's actually Five different types of Bipolar. Type one is the one Most people are familiar with.
Type one is the most obvious with the strong mood swings from Deep depression to High Mania.
Type two, (what I have) is more focused on the lows of depression with what is known as "Hypomania" meaning my thighs are very mild and short lived. The depression episodes last Much longer and are Much Darker/Deeper than those of type one.

Yes, several time's were of the "Bearly" verity....but I've lasted as long as I possibly could....it even surprised my Therapist how long I've managed without any form of help.
The therapy and medication seem to be helping well, so with any luck This year will be defined as a True turning point in my life.
*Hugs Tightly* Thank you for Helping me as you have and for Just Being there. That Really makes a Difference and sometimes it Can make All the difference!

HAPPY NEW YEAR I hope this year is an amazing year for you. *lots of hugs* I'm always here for you if you need me.

*Hugs Tightly* Happy New Year my Friend!!

Thank You! That Really means a lot to me....these past year's have been steadily growing worse and until now I had no hopes of seeing another pass.......but thing's Are starting to change slowly, so Here's Hoping for the Best!
And you Know I'm always here for You Too my friend! *Hugs and Nuzzles*

Try listening to good speakers on Utube. It really helped me sort things through with me.

Thank you, I will do that. I'm slowly getting better I think...but I still have my moments unfortunately....

Those moments can strike and leave the best of us reeling. There are a lot of us facing these same struggles in one form or another, so hey glass half full you're not alone. Not by a long shot.

I pray fate and fortune favor you this new year, and that your spirit mends in it's own time.

Just don't give up after coming so far.

*Hugs Tightly* Thank You!
As terrible and selfish as it may sound, it's good to know I'm not alone in this suffering as it means Others can relate and the Truly Awesome people like yourself are there to help and pick me up in my darkest hours. This means more to me than words can describe, and I want You to know my friend that this path leads both ways and that I am Always here for You Too! *Hugs*

Fortunately the healing has begun for me, though I won't lie.. it worries me a bit. What if all of this is just an illusion and it all comes flooding back? To be honest, I cannot go back to that place I was...I simply wouldn't survive. And had it not been for Truly Beautiful friends like you, helping me, encouraging me to stay focused and to seek help....I wouldn't be here today.

The glass may be half full in that Metaphor, but what's in the glass is what counts most.

Thank you my friend. I Truly Hope this year will be the start of a New Hope and New lease of life for us Both! May we Both find Peace in this and All the year's yet to come. And may the shadows of our past be forever lost in the folds of time forgotten.

*Hugs and Nuzzles Gently* I will not give up this time...having someone as special and absolutely wonderful as you are by my side, I know the future will be Much Brighter for us Both my friend.

So how have you been? It's been a long time and I've been away...

I've been better, but I'm better than I've been. I guess it's a simple platitude but it's the simplest way to say it. I think ultimately I'm on my way to a better place mentally and emotionally. Things are already different for me this year than before.

Glad to know that I'm of some use to the world, I'll try to keep it that way ^_^

Ooooooo......a Riddle!
I understand, and I'm Very Happy to hear you are finding Peace within. This is very important for a Healthy mind. It has been a long and hard road for me to discover this myself...and I'm still far from where I want and Need to be. I still have my moments, but they are Far and few between now. Life is no longer the enemy that I used to Believe it was....
Know that I am Always here for you my friend anytime you want or need to talk or even Vent. You mean a Lot to me and I just want to see you Happy. You are Not alone my friend. Together we are Stronger. *Hugs Tightly*

You are a Great and Beautiful person my friend! Don't ever think for a moment that your existence is petty or that you wouldn't be missed. You Would! You are in Many ways that which so many aspire to become. Just as you said "There are a Lot of us facing these same struggles." And you're Absolutely right.
Everyday I meet someone who is struggling the same way we do and have. This is why I say Together we are Stronger my friend, because None of us should have to face these demons alone.
And we Don't have to! *Hugs and Nuzzles gently*