Not coming back. Will being selling my OCs.
6 years ago
General
I've taken some time away from the fandom and I don't think I actually want to come back.
It's been kind of rough, and the more I think about it the less I think I can stay and be okay with it. It's not that I have anything against furry or that it doesn't have it's place. In fact it's probably nessisary in a lot of ways and gives a safe place to explore things about one's self that would be otherwise considered taboo. However I don't think it's somewhere to stay forever and thinking if I were to continue down this road for 5 years I don't think I would be happy or proud of where I'd be or that I'd grow much as a person. For awhile I thought maybe it was just twitter but the more I just stayed offline in general and experienced people for people, I realized how reductive the internet is of what it means to be a human being.
I don't like sticking people in broad stroke categories. I don't the signals I'm hijacking. I don't like what I'm doing to the long/short term rewards system of the brain with my art. I don't feel proud of my art. I crave genuine interaction. This place was making me so sick and angry. I want to create art for the sake of art again. I want to feel meaning and purpose like I use to.
I will likely be selling off all my OCs, including yes, Rennar. Anything owed will likely be the last of my furry related art. I might consider occasionally doing clean work in the future but really I kind of want to resign from actual pornography altogether and go back to collaborative work with musicians and maybe start working on that comic idea I had swirling around in my head forever.
Much love, and best wishes
-Rengeki
It's been kind of rough, and the more I think about it the less I think I can stay and be okay with it. It's not that I have anything against furry or that it doesn't have it's place. In fact it's probably nessisary in a lot of ways and gives a safe place to explore things about one's self that would be otherwise considered taboo. However I don't think it's somewhere to stay forever and thinking if I were to continue down this road for 5 years I don't think I would be happy or proud of where I'd be or that I'd grow much as a person. For awhile I thought maybe it was just twitter but the more I just stayed offline in general and experienced people for people, I realized how reductive the internet is of what it means to be a human being.
I don't like sticking people in broad stroke categories. I don't the signals I'm hijacking. I don't like what I'm doing to the long/short term rewards system of the brain with my art. I don't feel proud of my art. I crave genuine interaction. This place was making me so sick and angry. I want to create art for the sake of art again. I want to feel meaning and purpose like I use to.
I will likely be selling off all my OCs, including yes, Rennar. Anything owed will likely be the last of my furry related art. I might consider occasionally doing clean work in the future but really I kind of want to resign from actual pornography altogether and go back to collaborative work with musicians and maybe start working on that comic idea I had swirling around in my head forever.
Much love, and best wishes
-Rengeki
FA+

You'll be missed Ren, but you gotta do what's best for you before anyone else.
I hope all goes well for you in all your endeavors!
I return your good wishes. Take care of yourself, Rengeki! (b ^v^)b
Best wishes and good luck!
I'll also be keeping an eye out because Ren has a beautiful design and I hope the new owner is good to him too
Rengeki has been one of the inspirations for my character and motivation for drawing.
Only one semi-advice from random bystander - keep Rennar to yourself. Not because it's a parachute that you could use to return in fandom if needed, but because you once associated yourself with him, and that means that it carries a part of you in him one way or another. And giving it for someone else feels wrong. But it's only my opinion and it's absolutely unimportant.
I wish you luck in your future, especially in places that collide with art. If you'll feel like it's a right thing - leave a link to places where your new creations could be seen. Because your style is unique, outstanding and incredible, and there is no other like yours. Stay safe, stay happy. Good luck to you in your life <3
though personally id never sell my own fursona, id prefer to keep it as a reminder of the time i was a furry. Though i dont see me ever quiting the fandom i do see myself somewgat abandoning the fandom at some point, tho id prefer to call it retiring :P
any how i really support you in your choice, but really think more than twice about selling your actual fursona..
I hope that even tho some things haven't been good.. I do hope you have still met people or moments that brought positive things to remember!
I wish you the best, and I hope you find joy in your art again, and in anything else you decide to focus on!
I will cherish the artwork I got from ya, and I will remember the nice things you did bring, you have a nice style and I know it will be appreciated by many, draw whatever your heart desire to make!
Best wishes to you, Ren!
Not much point in continuing the commission grind when you are fortunate enough have that opportunity.
I know how you feel though, I’ve struggled with that same feeling many, many years ago. I was a Sonic fanartist, and a furry adult artist over a decade ago. Also being a musician amongst other things, I had no way of reconciling aspects of myself and the porn I drew.
So I decided I had to distance myself from the fandom for similar reasons.
I hope one day you can feel proud of your work again, pornographic or not. Sometimes you need to be at a good place in life, maybe a bit older too, before that feeling of shame and pridelessness goes away.
One day you’ll look back fondly as you remember the good parts of this time, without the emotional turmoil you have now.
I’ve accepted myself, and surrounded myself with people who accept me as well. My friends know I draw furry, and also that I’m a musician and stuff.
Godspeed!
Maybe I've read this final journal so many times my head is just spinning with the desperate urge to flee or to find the purpose to stay. I suppose I've also sort of lost my purpose, but moreso I feel like I've lost my humanity. Had it stripped in an effort to fit the mold that acts like armor or more like some kind of ill-fitting shirt that scratches and squeezes, but you wear it anyway just in hopes of not drawing too much attention or the choking back of life experiences condemned by this place. Whatever this place is be it Twitter or FA, or any other platform... All I know is that I feel like the me underneath the surface would sooner be thrown to wolves than given the opportunity to be listened to or understood. Where my art once served a purpose of defying the expectations placed on me by people who held me back now I fear the actions of people I don't even know, people who hide behind avatars and mask their shortcomings with ideals and mantras that are praised while other voices are drowned out.
Reductive. That word really couldn't be more true. I rarely come across people these days, only what feel like cutouts or silhouettes that look like people, but they all say the same thing. When I do encounter people, they are exhausted, irritated, angered, or scared by the communities they once found a place in. Time moves forward, things change, but I never predicted the destruction of the self. The individual. The nuance. And I don't know maybe I sound like a half-baked philosopher expressing my dissatisfaction with the world to a ghost. I always hope you've found peace and a calling that has brought you fulfillment. Tho I may never speak to you again. And I guess it's my time to decide for myself what path is best for me, because like you I feel drained and stripped of all passion, and feel surrounded by cutouts whose voices that echo the loudest become almost a dogma that I just can't ascribe to. And perhaps I'm thinking too deeply with this, but it certainly feels like killing a part of myself if I leave. The thought of leaving is terrifying on its own. But when fear is all I feel I might as well dive in head first and find out what happens right?
I hope you are well and have found happiness in your life Ren.
Still thinking about you,
-Sio