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Who they are: My Transition Tweet
6 years ago
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discoverychannelofficialSo I'm writing this cause a tweet I made got a lot of attention and I felt I should explain why I said it. So first, here's the tweet:
https://twitter.com/zenocoyote/stat.....59421166387202
So, the big question everyone is asking is "who said this??". Well, after I got so many replies of people, I started thinking myself about who said it and I kinda realized what I was doing. It is coming from a person, but a person I haven't spoken to for a long time. I had to really think about it today to realize it still has me a lil shaken.
So, last year when I had just come out trans, I had a few people msg me personally to offer congrats and support. It was a very welcoming and affirming time. I loved it! I met many new and wonderful people. One trans girl reached out to me and ended up being one of my best friends at the time. She used to tweet back to me all the time, we talked on Discord every day. I'm not gonna say her name cause I don't believe in call out culture, at least not from this. Well, when I first came out, I had a lot of break downs. If you follow my Twitter, I'm sure you saw a few of them. Starting my transition was hard. It's still hard. But at least now I'm having less of those breakdowns. When I had one, I would just quit. I'd quit being trans, I quit all of it. But, of course, that's now how it works. But I always came back from it and accepted myself.
Well, one day, this friend of mine, she just.... vanished. She stopped messaging me and unfollowed and unwatched me from everything. After a few weeks I messaged her back, wondering what was going on. She basically told me she gave up on me in so many words. Implied to me she didn't think I was being serious about being a woman, cause I kept "quitting". We stopped talking. I tried to explain to her, but she just faded away. We were REALLY good friends... and to just... boom... lose her, hurt. After her I just got paranoid and anxious. Like if I didn't do X or Y by Z time, I'd lose another friend. And now and then I would say something just like that tweet. Not cause someone new said it, but because I could still hear her voice in my head. Anxiety and being transgender don't go together well. X.x
So who said the things in my tweet? The ghost of my old friend. Who questioned my validity and seeded doubt in my mind I still am trying to weed out. I'm sorry to upset yall. I need to get over it. Get over people who said I'm invalid. I guess I took it really hard from her because she was a trans girl and my best friend at the time.
https://twitter.com/zenocoyote/stat.....59421166387202
So, the big question everyone is asking is "who said this??". Well, after I got so many replies of people, I started thinking myself about who said it and I kinda realized what I was doing. It is coming from a person, but a person I haven't spoken to for a long time. I had to really think about it today to realize it still has me a lil shaken.
So, last year when I had just come out trans, I had a few people msg me personally to offer congrats and support. It was a very welcoming and affirming time. I loved it! I met many new and wonderful people. One trans girl reached out to me and ended up being one of my best friends at the time. She used to tweet back to me all the time, we talked on Discord every day. I'm not gonna say her name cause I don't believe in call out culture, at least not from this. Well, when I first came out, I had a lot of break downs. If you follow my Twitter, I'm sure you saw a few of them. Starting my transition was hard. It's still hard. But at least now I'm having less of those breakdowns. When I had one, I would just quit. I'd quit being trans, I quit all of it. But, of course, that's now how it works. But I always came back from it and accepted myself.
Well, one day, this friend of mine, she just.... vanished. She stopped messaging me and unfollowed and unwatched me from everything. After a few weeks I messaged her back, wondering what was going on. She basically told me she gave up on me in so many words. Implied to me she didn't think I was being serious about being a woman, cause I kept "quitting". We stopped talking. I tried to explain to her, but she just faded away. We were REALLY good friends... and to just... boom... lose her, hurt. After her I just got paranoid and anxious. Like if I didn't do X or Y by Z time, I'd lose another friend. And now and then I would say something just like that tweet. Not cause someone new said it, but because I could still hear her voice in my head. Anxiety and being transgender don't go together well. X.x
So who said the things in my tweet? The ghost of my old friend. Who questioned my validity and seeded doubt in my mind I still am trying to weed out. I'm sorry to upset yall. I need to get over it. Get over people who said I'm invalid. I guess I took it really hard from her because she was a trans girl and my best friend at the time.
What they did makes them scum. Might be for the best to break-off communication.
My heart goes out to you and all of those who struggle through the process and eventually make it. I know I don't have the guts to do something like this.
I'm somewhat mad at that person for handling this in such a rude and demeaning way; but I'm sure that they, too, had dealt with similar problems in the past, and they handled it very differently because that's what worked for THEM.
I hope this helps in some way, and apologize if it doesn't. Either way, I'll repeat this: You are valid.
Way too many people blindly jump into LGBT community, expect to be showered in love and support and tolerance, and then get crushed when surprise surprise they are still in the real world and people are still asswipes. Claiming to be part of a certain community does NOT equal an excuse, and its YOU who still has to remember and be aware of that in order to stay stable and avoud abuse.
A real friend would say what everyone here is saying, "Take your time, it's your transition, go at your own pace." It's not something to be rushed. And it doesn't make you any less valid. You have to surround yourself with supportive people. Best that "friend" went her own way in that case. But that's on her because you did nothing wrong.