After sitting up for many sleepless nights, lost with all of my thoughts, I couldn't help but think about the past. It's always something that just creeps up on me. Serving as a reminder of what a horrible friend and person I really. I try so hard to be a good friend, to hold close the ones I hold dear, and yet whenever I slip up I ended losing those people. I'm not afraid or too proud to admit that these thoughts have brought me to tears a few times. I'm not perfect. I'm sorry that I'm not. I'm sorry to all the people and friends that my stupid actions, thoughts, and words have directly and indirectly hurt. I'm sorry that I wasn't good enough to be the person I was expected to be. I'm sorry to the friends whom my depression pushed to the edge and exhausted their patience with me. I let you all down and I can't fix it. I wish could fix things between me and all the friends who now want nothing to do with me I really do. But I blew it and all it took was one screw up. Something like one misunderstood joke or venting too much and I easily destroyed friendships. Or making a tough decision for the sake of doing the right thing. Or putting my foot down and being aggressive for the sake of helping snap someone back into reality. I realize now that these things were all mistakes and now I'm paying for them and all I can do sit here and keep apologizing. Even though I'm pretty sure that no one will even read this or even care. I know I can be annoying, I know I can say dumb things, I know I'm forgetful, I know I can be downright depressing...and for that I really am sorry. I'm sorry I let so many friendships slip right through my fingers. I don't blame anyone for moving on to better friends. And lastly, I sincerely wish everyone, even those who cut ties with me, the best in life.