Several weeks ago I've meeting and discussing among my close friends about my mental depress condition, couple of them have the same experience(In fact far worse than mine) and been to the doctor before so, I think this might be my best opportunity to get a proper treatment as well.

Here's what happened to me all these year, the reason behind my mental depression

- You might (or might not) heard about "coup" that happen in Thailand before around 7 years ago, that's one of the reason. why and how?
- Like what happened with election in the USA, the tension between different politic PoV starts to torn people apart. in my case, me and my parents.
- Due to the coup, military government didn't handle very well to manage our country, especially the economical part, resulting in many SME closing the business and every company (including the big one) have financial/cash flow issue
- Our family business, a local bakery factory, are the victim among these economic downfall as well. We have the worst time ever running our company, to the point the court summon us to negotiate the settlement with our creditor because we have financial issue and lacks the ability to repay the debt due to what happened above
- The worst case scenario is we have to close our business, let the court sequestrate our property, selling everything to pay the debt and we will have nowhere to live anymore
- The situation didn't get any better, to live your life having a fear of losing everything even a place to live, that stressed the shit out of me on daily basis
- Resulting us to sell our old house to save our company, I used to live there until I'm 8 and move away. I have so many nostalgic memory I cherished and I have plan to go back to live there someday on my own as an independent freelance artist and to avoid my dilemma with my parents as well, now my only hope to be free is gone, forever.
- As time grows by, my self-taught hobby slowly became a job I have to do to live for the reason all above, I can't handle this pressure really well, I worried about every single thing and it drains away my will to live.
- For everything that happen, it's not a simple situation where you can tell or confess to everyone like "Hey my company is about to be bankrupt, I'll have nowhere to live" so I keep it all on my own, depression stacks all over the top like a time bomb
- Now I think it's time to get a proper treatment so I can moving on, and finally, share my story to whom I care. I don't want to hold the burden like a time bomb again

Aaaanyway, after the discussion and confession with my friends, I've contact the mental health department on local hospital to get an appointment, unfortunately in my country we're really lack of medical staff, especially the specialist one, so my appointment with the doctor was on 10th March (I did the phone call last Monday on 27th Jan)

Yes, it is a whole and a half month just waiting for an appointment!!

So I'm kinda have alternate plan, while waiting for the doctor appointment I think I'll go looking for local mental clinic as well.

Lucky enough I've confess about my mental issue and seeing the doctor to my family, even though they still verbally judge me but they are providing support on this matter after all.
Through their acquaintance and friends, they recommend me the mental clinic with the actual doctor from said hospital (In my country the medical staff didn't get paid much like they should so, most of the doctor are open their own clinic/pharmacy aside from their hospital job)

I'll update my status more as soon as thing progress.

Thank you again for reading this journal, seriously I can't be here without you, love ya all <3