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How do y'all find a date
5 years ago
A very weird title for a journal, but hear me out.
Lately I've slowly becoming interested in dating again, and preferably within the fandom and within my country (not sure if I can do long distance)
But the big question is, I have no idea how to find someone, or what to kinda do :/ And that in itself is probably a big red alert signal to most.
I haven't dated in 10 years, just after my 15th birthday when I broke up with my previous partner. And on top of that, I never asked her out in the first place. She actually asked me out. So I have no experience in actually asking someone.
Throughout all my life, I've really struggled to talk to any female, let alone new people in general. I just become very afraid when it comes to talking with them. I really don't know why, but I just do. Only made about 2-3 friends at school who were girls, and I only still talk to about that many. Rest of them are all male.
So as you can tell, I'm very socially awkward. One big fear I have, being someone's who's never dated in my adult years, is not knowing what to do on a date. I don't know what to say to them, I don't know what would be a good place to go, etc.
In general, I have no social life at all, I don't go out much. The three places I'm usually at is university, gym and home. That's pretty much it.
The hardest thing is, where do I start? I know most of you would say, "go to your local fur meets!". My history when it comes to local meets in Melbourne isn't that great when I tried it. I didn't really have anyone come and talk to me, I kinda just was left out of everyone's little social circles. So my trust in furs in my hometown/country hasn't been that existent for the most part. Even when I was at the bigger cons, I would keep to the people I already knew, and closeted myself from new people. I honestly felt quote alone at times.
So I'm ruling that option out, I'd rather not go through that again.
"Try any dating sites?"
Honestly I've had thoughts, but half of them seem to be quite scammy, particularly the furry dating sites.
That's the two most common options out the window. What other options are there?
I just don't know how to go about this kind of thing. How did you all find someone?
I have no dating skills, I have no sex experience, I really don't have much to offer at all.
If anyone wants to message me at all about this, you can either note me on here or message me on Telegram (@gangstaguru).
Current Working List - 30th of January, 2022
Art Queue
Awaiting Art From..
KlausD - Trade piece/2016
Anthropornorphic - Commission/2016
Telegram Art Channel
KlausD
Anthropornorphic
Sorry been out of the dating scene as I gave up on it.
As I said previously to someone, I struggle with making friends alone as it is. Don't really know how to talk to people.
I think I'd be the opposite of rushing honestly. I don't think I'd be able to take any hints of going further with someone. I tend to keep myself from attaching to someone in a friendship, in case I get hurt bad in the long run. Smelling nice I can do, but not sure about dress attire. It's not like I'll be rocking up in my birthday suit or anything, I've never really been the type with getting into fashion. Any shirt, shorts/pants will do me.
I appreciate you help ^.^ Thanks
So, just make friends first, warm up to people who you know for sure share similar lifestyles and interests. After making the effort to actually show up (which is the hard part) you'll start to find yourself gravitating towards certain people and them to you. Cultivate those relationships and pretty soon you'll be hanging out in your personal life. keep it up and I'm sure you'll find someone you really vibe with in that way and you can try leaning into it. Imho, the best romantic relationships grow from the fertile ground of friendship first and by the same merit, relationships that start up simply to be romantic from the get-go, usually burn out really fast. Not saying that it can't work out, it's just harder to sustain that kind of relationship since a lot of the time you'll be accomidating the other person into your life rather than them already being part of it organically through a healthy friendship since the start.
Worst thing that could happen in this scenario is that you stay single but end up making some really good friends along the way and pushing your comfort zone in healthy ways, which is alway good.
Take all that with a grain of salt though and do whatever feels natural to you. Just don't force anything.
I hope this helps at all. Good luck!
P.S. if you want to talk privately, feel free to note me and I'll send you my telegram
I do go to art classes at uni actually, but I don't really talk to anyone. I just draw whatever I'm drawing and get out once the class is done.
I think that's my problem, making new friends. Most of the time I just end up blocking myself from letting new people in my life, because I just don't want to be hurt like I've been 100 times before. I don't trust people enough to let them in. So it's more so a case of forcing myself away than forcing myself into a relationship.
Thanks for the help. I might take the offer up actually. If you want, you can note me it, I'll send you a message on Telegram ^.^