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Funny Shit!
6 years ago
General
In eternity, where there is no time, nothing can grow. Nothing can become. Nothing changes. So death created time to grow the things that it would kill and you are reborn but into the same life that you've always been born into.
Okay so since I have vented upon you, oh poor, wretched souls, about the rage that was my former job, I now feel obliged to deliver unto you at least one amusing tale (for the time being) of my time there. These will not be in chronological order. In fact, this one's a little more recent.
Some months ago, we got an idiot kid working there who just...was worthless. I ain't talking "first time working, ever" worthless, I mean "This kid's fucking lucky he weren't born in no shithole, third world nation where they'd cut him up and use him for fertilizer because he's not useful for anything else!" worthless. He did not care. In fact, a lot of people preferred being short-staffed to having him present. I wound up going off on him at least a couple of times by this point. And I got written up both times. It was also about this time that I learned write-ups had no consequences. As long as I didn't do anything overtly illegal anyways.
Among the things this idiot fucker has done is played on his phone. While the oven got backed up. During a rush. Oh I've also seen (and reported him) for sticking his fingers in the pizzas coming out of the oven. I also saw him get sauce on his hand, lick it off, then continue handling the fucking food. I started telling everyone I knew not to eat there after that.
Now, I can't remember what I caught him doing this particular day, but I do remember pausing to check and make sure there weren't customers currently in the lobby (especially kids), then I looked at him and said "Taylor you know you're not supposed to do that! If I catch you doing that shit again, I will throw you in the fucking oven then start greeting customers by telling them 'Welcome to Auschwitz Pizza'!" My manager probably didn't write me up because 1) When you laugh at something like that, you kind of lose moral high ground, and 2) She probably let it go since there weren't customers in the place, but her response was a satisfying "Holy shit, Connor!"
I also confided in a coworker that I wanted to solve Taylor's problem the same way his mother should have solved it years ago, with a wire coat hanger.
Some months ago, we got an idiot kid working there who just...was worthless. I ain't talking "first time working, ever" worthless, I mean "This kid's fucking lucky he weren't born in no shithole, third world nation where they'd cut him up and use him for fertilizer because he's not useful for anything else!" worthless. He did not care. In fact, a lot of people preferred being short-staffed to having him present. I wound up going off on him at least a couple of times by this point. And I got written up both times. It was also about this time that I learned write-ups had no consequences. As long as I didn't do anything overtly illegal anyways.
Among the things this idiot fucker has done is played on his phone. While the oven got backed up. During a rush. Oh I've also seen (and reported him) for sticking his fingers in the pizzas coming out of the oven. I also saw him get sauce on his hand, lick it off, then continue handling the fucking food. I started telling everyone I knew not to eat there after that.
Now, I can't remember what I caught him doing this particular day, but I do remember pausing to check and make sure there weren't customers currently in the lobby (especially kids), then I looked at him and said "Taylor you know you're not supposed to do that! If I catch you doing that shit again, I will throw you in the fucking oven then start greeting customers by telling them 'Welcome to Auschwitz Pizza'!" My manager probably didn't write me up because 1) When you laugh at something like that, you kind of lose moral high ground, and 2) She probably let it go since there weren't customers in the place, but her response was a satisfying "Holy shit, Connor!"
I also confided in a coworker that I wanted to solve Taylor's problem the same way his mother should have solved it years ago, with a wire coat hanger.
We had a guy like that, Chris. We had two Chris', and within a day of me referring to the useless one as 'retard Chris' the rest of the store was doing it.