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MCFC, COVID-19, General Depression
5 years ago
So that last journal aged like a gallon of milk.
Even if you haven't heard the news directly, it should seem obvious that MCFC has been postponed along with almost all mass gatherings due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Now I'm not saying this was a bad decision, it's the only one that could be made. To say it's upsetting would be an understatement. A convention is something I'd been yearning for for years and had finally achieved due to the generosity of pisexual only for my one opportunity to be stomped out. If any con would be do-able this year it would be MFF and even that's uncertain before considering other factors, such as having to get a room on my own or it being during finals week in school. Next year doesn't look possible either, as my worsening living situation might get to a critical point next year. That's if the world even exists next year.
COVID-19 was not something I expected to get to this scale. When I registered for the con it had a presence in the US nobody took it seriously, with there being 60 cases the United States. Presently there are 53,000. Just yesterday, my state declared a shelter-in-place order. I've never seen anything like this, neither have my family members. I feel the government is either going to do nothing, or turn the country into a dystopian hellscape. It feels like the apocalypse. Even if the world can come back from the brink, I might not. I work in retail and though my company is not essential nor do they stock essential products, I still have to come into work. My chances of being infected are almost guaranteed. I'm young and mostly healthy so obviously the odds would be in my favor, but I have been experiencing chest pains that at their worst are debilitating. What if everything goes well as it can? The social distancing works, the virus dissipates, people recover, and cures are developed. I wonder if there's even a point to try?
I'll be honest. The honeymoon period with college is well over. My feelings on my current major have already been expressed, I feel little need to repeat them. I'm again hit by the feelings I'm just too late to the party. Either, I get an Associate's Degree when I'm 26, or a Bachelors when I'm 28. It feels like there's no point if it's going to take that long. I feel like by the time I get to the point in life where I'll finally be able to experience all of my dreams, they'll be forgotten and gone. I feel like I'm already past the apex of my prime. Why bother at this point? I feel like giving up entirely. It would take a literal miracle at this point to give me any kind of salvation. But those are in the realm of fiction.
I can't say I have a desire to take my own life, but I can't find any desire to preserve it either.
Even if you haven't heard the news directly, it should seem obvious that MCFC has been postponed along with almost all mass gatherings due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Now I'm not saying this was a bad decision, it's the only one that could be made. To say it's upsetting would be an understatement. A convention is something I'd been yearning for for years and had finally achieved due to the generosity of pisexual only for my one opportunity to be stomped out. If any con would be do-able this year it would be MFF and even that's uncertain before considering other factors, such as having to get a room on my own or it being during finals week in school. Next year doesn't look possible either, as my worsening living situation might get to a critical point next year. That's if the world even exists next year.
COVID-19 was not something I expected to get to this scale. When I registered for the con it had a presence in the US nobody took it seriously, with there being 60 cases the United States. Presently there are 53,000. Just yesterday, my state declared a shelter-in-place order. I've never seen anything like this, neither have my family members. I feel the government is either going to do nothing, or turn the country into a dystopian hellscape. It feels like the apocalypse. Even if the world can come back from the brink, I might not. I work in retail and though my company is not essential nor do they stock essential products, I still have to come into work. My chances of being infected are almost guaranteed. I'm young and mostly healthy so obviously the odds would be in my favor, but I have been experiencing chest pains that at their worst are debilitating. What if everything goes well as it can? The social distancing works, the virus dissipates, people recover, and cures are developed. I wonder if there's even a point to try?
I'll be honest. The honeymoon period with college is well over. My feelings on my current major have already been expressed, I feel little need to repeat them. I'm again hit by the feelings I'm just too late to the party. Either, I get an Associate's Degree when I'm 26, or a Bachelors when I'm 28. It feels like there's no point if it's going to take that long. I feel like by the time I get to the point in life where I'll finally be able to experience all of my dreams, they'll be forgotten and gone. I feel like I'm already past the apex of my prime. Why bother at this point? I feel like giving up entirely. It would take a literal miracle at this point to give me any kind of salvation. But those are in the realm of fiction.
I can't say I have a desire to take my own life, but I can't find any desire to preserve it either.
TheRusfish
~therusfish
Everything will be ok, buddy
