Aaaaa it's been years and I keep saying I want to return, and maybe it's finally time and will actually stick. I apologize for my absence. I gotta say, the past few years have been pretty crazy for me, and honestly it's only gotten worse since; just a nonstop struggle between bad luck, worsening mental issues, and some of my own bad decisions. I'm older, broken, lost/cut off a few friends and had my heart broken a few times(probably broke it myself tbh), and quite often I feel like I don't have much left to give. But now I almost feel like I want to make a fresh start all over again. Go back to the early - mid 2010's when I first joined this fandom and felt nothing but joy to be involved. I miss those days, I miss being happy. And maybe, just maybe I can bring that back in some way, in some small part, by being here once again on a regular basis. Dog knows I really need to clear out those subs one of these days.

January 10, 2019 saw the loss of my beloved Cassie, and I'll never forget her. She was my friend for almost 13 years, and even though I didn't always give her the proper attention growing up, I like to think I gave a good final year or 2 since I really tried to focus on spending time with her and strengthening my bond with her. It really seemed like she knew how much we loved her in her final year. I really miss her, and that will never go away, even if I do get another dog eventually. She'll always be the best.

Honestly, I miss being here. Like I said earlier, I think a lot of it has to do with nostalgia, especially with how crazy life has been for me, but I also had a lot of memorable interactions and met lots of great people here. This place is where I got my official start in the fandom, and at the time it was a very welcoming experience. I remember getting my first piece done by Sammymutt, the artist who I later alienated by posting her art on e621 because I was an idiot, getting my first full body piece from Apple before Kinnon was even designed and may not have even had a name yet, watching streams and chatting with people, eventually having Soren-Shield design Kinnon, making friends, discovering artists left and right, even going to my first meets set up on here. It was a whole new world that I was glad to be a part of, and I felt at home. The furry fandom will probably always be the place I feel most at home, but that time period especially. Just typing this story makes my heart swell remembering how wonderful it was for me. There's nothing I want more desperately than to go back to that time. Maybe this is how I do that. I'm potentially purchasing a new laptop very soon, and if I do, you'll almost definitely see me on here quite often again. A brand new, ultra high quality PC is definitely motivation fur sure, because this POS I'm using now is... questionable to say the least. If you made it this far, thank you for listening, it's 3:46 in the morning and the sads are getting to me lmao But to finish up, I love and miss all of you, and hopefully I'll be back on here more regularly again <3