Well this is going to be a tricky one to write, things at the moment are a bit shit to everyone, I hope everyones been doing ok and managing best they can. Has been a very eventful couple years for me, I came to utterly resent my workplace and employer, been on the verge of depression and social anxiety ad flared up as well, and then some weird health issues which I'll get to last. first of the good news, I am now 7 months into a new job, facing new challenges and pressures, but it's good to be in a place that even though I'm facing a steep learning curve, and mistakes have been made, but while I feel terrible and that I've let myself and them down, the general attitude is slight disappointment maybe, but no ones perfect, even the best make mistakes and at worst, machines have been damaged, which I have seen better workers than me do in my short time there, and those that never make mistakes have never tried. But I feel valued and not going to be taken advantage of.
But despite this, the Brexit bullshit has had an effect on the work place, but I have managed to ride that out despite the worries that work was quiet during those times, and now the current climate has meant that half our place is on shutdown, but because I am local and the stuff I make is for food production, I'm part of the skeleton staff still keeping things ticking over which will hopefully secure my job for the long term when all this blows over.
So that's those issues, but I also mentioned health, well, aside my social anxiety flaring up and depression, there has been another factor that aided that and here's where thanks to being brave enough to talk to some friends about it who have been very understanding, you know who you are, that I'm going to put it down here.
As well as all the above, a year and a bit ago I started to develop pains in my chest and felt lumps beneath my nipples, this of course set off alarm bells and some worry but I tried to dismiss it, eventually, I did go see my local surgery. After an examination and questions, I was referred to a local hospital for an ultrascan. In good news, there was nothing cancerous, on the other hand, the lumps were breast tissue growth, I wasn't given much explanation for this other than, 'it happens' but while not being told, I now believe the condition is called Gynecomastia.
Well with some relief I returned home, but was still a bit confused but put it aside, however, since then, the growth has continued, even those that visit me often have now noticed that I have become 'busty' and at best guess, I'm currently almost an A cup, but I need some help with that.
Being aware of this, I have not been able to ignore it, and I have had moments of dysphoria, with everything else going on my heads been a bit of a mess trying to sort it all out.
But being able to open up about it to certain people. responses have been from those that are jealous, to those that think it's cute but all are supportive.
As such, I'm going to embrace it, and try to return to being more social once all this crap blows over. As for my art, I'm going to be making the versions of my char express the changes and feelings I've gone through, mostly I'm going to try and start to present myself as herm/intersex. I might technically now be IRL only 3/4's of that but if I'm going to be busty from now on and with the confused feelings I've had this is best to deal with the times I wish I had full female anatomy.
I dunno how many of you will read through all this, I'm more inclined to discuss further in private but this is just getting things off my chest... despite I know have two mounds on it...