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My Absence
5 years ago
First off I just want to say that I really hope anyone reading this is doing okay during the pandemic! This is a very scary time and though I can't know or really help anyone's situation, all I can do is tell you to make sure you're staying home and away from others if you can help it, and that I hope you stay well. I don't want to dwell on it but I'm seeing less and less people around me taking it seriously. We're in a global catastrophe and I'm running into people at work that are legitimately ANGRY they we're having to take safety precautions. It's absolute nonsense. We can't change how other people are behaving during all this but we can always change how we behave ourselves. Please be smart and safe out there.
Other than that I uhhh, I definitely realize how long it's been since I've been on this account. I won't go into a huge amount of detail about it, mainly just cause I don't want to make anyone read a giant text wall, but I will do my best to explain.
Honestly, my disappearance is kind of two-fold. My main issues can be summed up as being my sexuality and my feelings towards sex, and just life in general.
I've said it before I'm pretty sure, I'm asexual and am generally uncomfortable around sexual topics. Nothing against anyone's specific fetishes or kinks or what not; Long as you're not hurting anyone! I don't really have an explanation for it myself aside from maybe just overexposure to something I never felt or understood. I was hoping to use this account as an outlet for some very confusing feelings and learn a little more about myself. I did learn quite a few things, but I think the most major thing I learned is that I just do not enjoy drawing porn. I was LOVING drawing and working with super beautiful character designs! I just couldn't stay passionate about something I have no interest in myself and I think that the quality of work I produced was absolutely effected by it. I couldn't produce my best quality work and just wasn't enjoying doing it, and I felt that was unfair to my watchers, my clients AND myself.
Also around the time I logged off last I was struggling with motivation so much that my regular art fell by the wayside, never mind this account. I was very tired and very sad for a long time for not a lot of reason. I do have major depressive disorder and during that time I was trying to find better ways and medications to help me manage it. It took me a very long time to find the energy to do much beyond my day job, and that "much" was focusing on trying to build a career in art. And then last September I lost my sweet baby boy to a very drawn out fight with cancer. As of today I have still not recovered. I still struggle to get out of bed in the morning. I have developed a whole host of health ailments that no doctor has had an answer for yet, that I feel may indeed be tied to my grief. But more than anything, I am still alive and I am still making art, that and tomorrow is a different day.
Big ol' TL;DR,
I came here today to say that I'm sorry for disappearing without warning, and that I don't actually know what's going to happen to this account going forward. I may use it to post art I don't think has a place on my main account, I might use it to draw for the world and story I made for "Dead Chimera" themself. I just don't think I'm cut out to be a NSFW artist. Either way, I will indeed let y'all know what my ultimate decision ends up being.
That being said, I AM still making art. I'm not toooootally sure I'm comfortable publicly sharing my real account out in the open right now, but once I wake up in the morning, I'd be more than happy to share my real account with anyone that asks individually! There's a lot of you I really did love talking to, so if you're still out there, so am I
Thank you if you made it to the end of this, I'll be checking any and all messages in the morning, past and future ones. I'll see you for whatever's to come <3
AMENDMENT
Now that I've gotten everything off my chest and had a moment of reflection, I very well may still try to run this account. I actually do have a few paintings I made for this that I'd still like to finish so I'd like to end up posting them! I'm really thinking I may end up just using this account for my more questionable themes including but not at all limited to probably mostly gore. And probably of characters no one was really asking to see gore of. Either way I'm going to sleep on it and I'll be available to talk in, about 7 hours. I see I do have a fair few notes I've missed and I will be getting to them!
Other than that I uhhh, I definitely realize how long it's been since I've been on this account. I won't go into a huge amount of detail about it, mainly just cause I don't want to make anyone read a giant text wall, but I will do my best to explain.
Honestly, my disappearance is kind of two-fold. My main issues can be summed up as being my sexuality and my feelings towards sex, and just life in general.
I've said it before I'm pretty sure, I'm asexual and am generally uncomfortable around sexual topics. Nothing against anyone's specific fetishes or kinks or what not; Long as you're not hurting anyone! I don't really have an explanation for it myself aside from maybe just overexposure to something I never felt or understood. I was hoping to use this account as an outlet for some very confusing feelings and learn a little more about myself. I did learn quite a few things, but I think the most major thing I learned is that I just do not enjoy drawing porn. I was LOVING drawing and working with super beautiful character designs! I just couldn't stay passionate about something I have no interest in myself and I think that the quality of work I produced was absolutely effected by it. I couldn't produce my best quality work and just wasn't enjoying doing it, and I felt that was unfair to my watchers, my clients AND myself.
Also around the time I logged off last I was struggling with motivation so much that my regular art fell by the wayside, never mind this account. I was very tired and very sad for a long time for not a lot of reason. I do have major depressive disorder and during that time I was trying to find better ways and medications to help me manage it. It took me a very long time to find the energy to do much beyond my day job, and that "much" was focusing on trying to build a career in art. And then last September I lost my sweet baby boy to a very drawn out fight with cancer. As of today I have still not recovered. I still struggle to get out of bed in the morning. I have developed a whole host of health ailments that no doctor has had an answer for yet, that I feel may indeed be tied to my grief. But more than anything, I am still alive and I am still making art, that and tomorrow is a different day.
Big ol' TL;DR,
I came here today to say that I'm sorry for disappearing without warning, and that I don't actually know what's going to happen to this account going forward. I may use it to post art I don't think has a place on my main account, I might use it to draw for the world and story I made for "Dead Chimera" themself. I just don't think I'm cut out to be a NSFW artist. Either way, I will indeed let y'all know what my ultimate decision ends up being.
That being said, I AM still making art. I'm not toooootally sure I'm comfortable publicly sharing my real account out in the open right now, but once I wake up in the morning, I'd be more than happy to share my real account with anyone that asks individually! There's a lot of you I really did love talking to, so if you're still out there, so am I
Thank you if you made it to the end of this, I'll be checking any and all messages in the morning, past and future ones. I'll see you for whatever's to come <3
AMENDMENT
Now that I've gotten everything off my chest and had a moment of reflection, I very well may still try to run this account. I actually do have a few paintings I made for this that I'd still like to finish so I'd like to end up posting them! I'm really thinking I may end up just using this account for my more questionable themes including but not at all limited to probably mostly gore. And probably of characters no one was really asking to see gore of. Either way I'm going to sleep on it and I'll be available to talk in, about 7 hours. I see I do have a fair few notes I've missed and I will be getting to them!
There was no better last hurrah!