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It's so hard QAQ
5 years ago
My Commissions Are OPEN ★ Terms Of Service ★ Prices I apparently have a small addiction to dA because these past few days of silence (protest of dA) has been SO FUCKING HARD!!!!
Nevermind the fact that since it's been easy to navigate my journals, I keep them, cringey as they may be.
I've noticed parts of me being a disgusting human being. Seeing what I posted due to peer pressure (some to throw off the trail that I actually LIKED the people I was talking shit about). I refused to delete them because they were a part of me. Every cringey one. From awkward 13 to finding a comfort in myself, depression, my first job, etc.
I have poor memory so I even use them to help when I need specific dates. Because jobs like EXACT fucking dates. Like...
"You've been with a company for 4 years, what day did you start?"
... dude what? I don't remember the exact day, I barely remember the month. I've been there for so long how the fuck should I remember?
"What day did you leave xyz?"
Uh.... what?
Thankfully I can get either exact dates or an estimate because I either posted in excitement or depression. When I don't I actually kinda freak out because, I don't have it written down, I don't remember.
I have seizures, I have depression, a side effect is memory loss!!! I don't remember! I really really don't! Some days blur because my mind was so hazy because of a seizure! I've lost weeks!
I text my bestie every fucking day, but she will spam me and seizure daze me will THINK I replied! She has gently told me that sometimes I don't reply for 2 weeks if I've had a seizure! I don't fucking remember! I use dA to HELP with that! I use dA to organize my shit! I should have a better system, but I don't.
FA has similar stuff available, but I was able to tinker with journal skins so I could read it better, make it more visually appealing, etc. I like customizing everything.
Customization is life. It's freedom of expression, it's a form of art that is aesthetically pleasing for whatever it is I have to look at, sometimes for long periods of time. It allows me to show a part of me that I like.
I like soft pastel colors, but I also like neon/hot colors. I like finding a blend, I like making something pop out without hurting your eyes. I prefer my customizations to soothe not eye fuck.
I enjoy seeing other people's stuff. I admire those who are full on goth and not afraid to show it. I'm more of a pastel goth, but I keep my stuff more earthy, misty, mountainy. Pastel earthy colors goth. I have a black thumb, but I LOVE plants.
Sky gardens, fucking amazing.
Terrariums, UNF.
Plants on a shelf in the sunlight, gorgeous.
Hanging plants/ drying plants, lovely.
Home have plants in every room, the most comforting thing in the world (also my bestie's house/room/bathroom xD)
Nevermind the fact that since it's been easy to navigate my journals, I keep them, cringey as they may be.
I've noticed parts of me being a disgusting human being. Seeing what I posted due to peer pressure (some to throw off the trail that I actually LIKED the people I was talking shit about). I refused to delete them because they were a part of me. Every cringey one. From awkward 13 to finding a comfort in myself, depression, my first job, etc.
I have poor memory so I even use them to help when I need specific dates. Because jobs like EXACT fucking dates. Like...
"You've been with a company for 4 years, what day did you start?"
... dude what? I don't remember the exact day, I barely remember the month. I've been there for so long how the fuck should I remember?
"What day did you leave xyz?"
Uh.... what?
Thankfully I can get either exact dates or an estimate because I either posted in excitement or depression. When I don't I actually kinda freak out because, I don't have it written down, I don't remember.
I have seizures, I have depression, a side effect is memory loss!!! I don't remember! I really really don't! Some days blur because my mind was so hazy because of a seizure! I've lost weeks!
I text my bestie every fucking day, but she will spam me and seizure daze me will THINK I replied! She has gently told me that sometimes I don't reply for 2 weeks if I've had a seizure! I don't fucking remember! I use dA to HELP with that! I use dA to organize my shit! I should have a better system, but I don't.
FA has similar stuff available, but I was able to tinker with journal skins so I could read it better, make it more visually appealing, etc. I like customizing everything.
Customization is life. It's freedom of expression, it's a form of art that is aesthetically pleasing for whatever it is I have to look at, sometimes for long periods of time. It allows me to show a part of me that I like.
I like soft pastel colors, but I also like neon/hot colors. I like finding a blend, I like making something pop out without hurting your eyes. I prefer my customizations to soothe not eye fuck.
I enjoy seeing other people's stuff. I admire those who are full on goth and not afraid to show it. I'm more of a pastel goth, but I keep my stuff more earthy, misty, mountainy. Pastel earthy colors goth. I have a black thumb, but I LOVE plants.
Sky gardens, fucking amazing.
Terrariums, UNF.
Plants on a shelf in the sunlight, gorgeous.
Hanging plants/ drying plants, lovely.
Home have plants in every room, the most comforting thing in the world (also my bestie's house/room/bathroom xD)
