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reflection rambling
5 years ago
For those who don't know, I am a writer. I've been coming up with stories since kindergarten with my first story about me going to the zoo. (which sadly I never went to a zoo until I was 18). Now I am 35 years old and I feel like I don't have much to show for it...I've written 3 novels which now trying to get one of 2 published. But sadly no one is up to publishing them yet. Mainly because no one knows me. So I'm trying to build myself an audience somehow and get an agent. Still writing other stories or ideas. Trying to basically do what Stephen King did for Maine and put Mississippi on the horror map.
Besides writing I've been using my art to tell stories. I've somehow since 2005/2006 started creating a world via my furry side. Then when I got into 3d rendering a whole world blew up creating ideas and characters and stories involving them. Even my own fursona has changed over the years and has multiple versions. But lately I feel like I've accomplished nothing. Sure I've created...maybe a 100+ OC and have a little over 1000 followers(which I am very thankful to have). I've come up with a few game show ideas and trying to pick them back up.
I've felt lately that I now have full control over Ren, but still feel like an outsider in my world Ive created. I expressed myself through other characters and created characters to express things. Now Ren is fully expressed, I feel like an outsider. I've wanted to put her into many of my game shows, but never have so gave myself the title of CEO or head Producer of the company in that world. Sometimes I feel like I'm posting things with Ren as myself more and not sure if my fans want that. I don't even know what I want anymore.
I grew up watching messy game shows as a kid and always dreamed of being on one. Never happened for multiple reasons. I even knew a guy who managed to get one of the shows as a kid. I can watch the episode now if I wanted. So as I got older I found wam and furry and someone combined them. Then I got in the game. Since I couldn't find things I wanted to see I would make them happen myself. But for the most part I've had to rely on myself for all my ideas or wants. I've been fortunate to have a few artist friends do fan art or gift art every now and again. Some do trades. And on rare occasion Ive manage to save up for a commission or two. I really want to do more of that. I want to be able to commission folks again. Love to do trades.
I dont know where I'm going with this rambling. I feel like a failure in a lot of ways. I guess I'll shut up now bleh.
Besides writing I've been using my art to tell stories. I've somehow since 2005/2006 started creating a world via my furry side. Then when I got into 3d rendering a whole world blew up creating ideas and characters and stories involving them. Even my own fursona has changed over the years and has multiple versions. But lately I feel like I've accomplished nothing. Sure I've created...maybe a 100+ OC and have a little over 1000 followers(which I am very thankful to have). I've come up with a few game show ideas and trying to pick them back up.
I've felt lately that I now have full control over Ren, but still feel like an outsider in my world Ive created. I expressed myself through other characters and created characters to express things. Now Ren is fully expressed, I feel like an outsider. I've wanted to put her into many of my game shows, but never have so gave myself the title of CEO or head Producer of the company in that world. Sometimes I feel like I'm posting things with Ren as myself more and not sure if my fans want that. I don't even know what I want anymore.
I grew up watching messy game shows as a kid and always dreamed of being on one. Never happened for multiple reasons. I even knew a guy who managed to get one of the shows as a kid. I can watch the episode now if I wanted. So as I got older I found wam and furry and someone combined them. Then I got in the game. Since I couldn't find things I wanted to see I would make them happen myself. But for the most part I've had to rely on myself for all my ideas or wants. I've been fortunate to have a few artist friends do fan art or gift art every now and again. Some do trades. And on rare occasion Ive manage to save up for a commission or two. I really want to do more of that. I want to be able to commission folks again. Love to do trades.
I dont know where I'm going with this rambling. I feel like a failure in a lot of ways. I guess I'll shut up now bleh.
That, you have to take with a dose of "So?" Many of those who accomplish something do so by accident. Nothing beats a feeling of accomplishment. But many of those who don't accomplish something can find a way to enjoy the day, or the effort. What is "to accomplish" and why is it important to you? What magnificent, grand goal does it aim for? And ask that answer "So?" You might be going after the wrong thing.
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"I don't even know what I want anymore."
Now that one's a problem. I find it helps to start small. What do you want? What do you want to see, read, hear?
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I don't know about your IRL life, but on Furaffinity, you aren't a failure. Your art is
alright, and you don't seem insane. Take the victories you can. You just might be good
enough. :thumbsup: