FA+
Shop
Fursona frustrations (again)
5 years ago
I don't have a lot of confidence in myself. When I was a kid, I used to think that almost everything that happened around me was my fault. Even now i still struggle with wanting to be perfect, at least so that other people will like me.
It's why I switched form Dakinu to Apex a few years back. I wanted to appeal to more people and make more friends, rather than be myself or who I want to be. I mean, I am a nice guy who wants to help others just like Apex. (My black and white morals don't hurt the comparison to a robot either). However, Dakinu represents what I WANTED to see in myself. Maybe not the total disregard for others property, but the take-no-crap, give-no-shits attitude that a real rebel could. I guess I just really wanted freedom in my life. But you can only go so far as a furry...
It didn't help that I spent so much time on F-List looking for someone to play with and feeling rejected every time I tried to start up a conversation. It made me come to the conclusion later that people might not like me if my character was a rat. Or a furry in general in real life. So I figured the most logical step was to change my fursona entirely. That's where Apex came from. However, please keep in mind that I have EXTREMELY few memories of anyone saying something like "Ew! Rat!". If anything people were more pleased to see him rather than disgusted. But I want as many people to like me so I switched fursonas.
Apex is fun and all, but I feel bad quite often about not being Dakinu. But i'm too scared to be Dakinu and end up an outcast. Despite all the likes and favs and friends I have because of his appearance and attitude. The icing on the cake is that there's anotehr fursona that I want to be, but I'll never have theo confidence I WANT To have to use it.
Damn it I'm so desperate for friends that I can't even see the ones I already have this sucks.
Also, sorry for the empty journal earlier. Didn't know you could do that.
Sorry, gotta go all of a sudden. Let me know what you think.
It's why I switched form Dakinu to Apex a few years back. I wanted to appeal to more people and make more friends, rather than be myself or who I want to be. I mean, I am a nice guy who wants to help others just like Apex. (My black and white morals don't hurt the comparison to a robot either). However, Dakinu represents what I WANTED to see in myself. Maybe not the total disregard for others property, but the take-no-crap, give-no-shits attitude that a real rebel could. I guess I just really wanted freedom in my life. But you can only go so far as a furry...
It didn't help that I spent so much time on F-List looking for someone to play with and feeling rejected every time I tried to start up a conversation. It made me come to the conclusion later that people might not like me if my character was a rat. Or a furry in general in real life. So I figured the most logical step was to change my fursona entirely. That's where Apex came from. However, please keep in mind that I have EXTREMELY few memories of anyone saying something like "Ew! Rat!". If anything people were more pleased to see him rather than disgusted. But I want as many people to like me so I switched fursonas.
Apex is fun and all, but I feel bad quite often about not being Dakinu. But i'm too scared to be Dakinu and end up an outcast. Despite all the likes and favs and friends I have because of his appearance and attitude. The icing on the cake is that there's anotehr fursona that I want to be, but I'll never have theo confidence I WANT To have to use it.
Damn it I'm so desperate for friends that I can't even see the ones I already have this sucks.
Also, sorry for the empty journal earlier. Didn't know you could do that.
Sorry, gotta go all of a sudden. Let me know what you think.
GrumpyGoat
~grumpygoat
No matter what form you take, I think you're pretty great. The voices in your head have had a lot of time to practice telling you otherwise. And when that happens, its alright to seek outside voices to counter what they say. We're social animals. We all need assurance and validation once in a while.
Acerneos-A1.yip
~apexrexai
OP
I know I need validation, like a lot, but I don't know if just other people are enough to fulfill me. I'm glad some of you approve of my existence, but I still feel empty inside thinking about it. Or, according to some past experiences, freaked out.
