As the title says I really need a vacation. And what I mean by that is that I really need to get out of my parents house even if its just for a weekend or something. Im not going to go into too great of detail as to why (see my other journals for that) but I can kinda tell you what was the straw that broke the camels back. So I was out at the grocery store the other day. I got a bit peeved because people looked at me like if I was an alien for wearing a bandana over my mouth and nose (I dont have a face mask) and my mother really felt embarrassed about me for taking precautions (yet at the same time she doesnt want me leaving the house due to the pandemic). Anyway when we were done we hopped in the car and I was about to put on my headphones to listen to music on the drive home when I heard on the radio about the fatal shooting of Rayshard Brooks who was shot by police. On the radio they said that he had ran from the police during a sobriety test (I dont know how much of that is true) but then it came. My mother felt the need to comment on the situation and kinda just went "Well dummy shouldn't have run from the police". And that just made me physically angry and mentally upset. My mother cared so little about a persons life that she thought it was reasonable to shoot him to death just because he was black and (maybe) ran from police? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK is wrong with my mother. And im not even gonna get started on my fathers views on the event.

All this negativity and hate that broods in my parents house is not good for my mental or physical health. I honestly avoid talking to them about anything of importance. I basically just go "yes" or "no" to everything they say. I have learned that my parents will never change. They both have a dislike for anyone who isnt white and swedish. I dont mean to go into it but some things my parents like to talk about is for example how "stupid" americans are. Meanwhile they are both of average education and not really smarter than anyone else. My dad cant even speak english for christs sake (yet he loves going to the US on vacation and then not being able to communicate). Id love to say that my brother is better than my parents because he doesn't generalise to much but yet he still utters phrases like "fucking immigrants" and the N word.

All of this is why I need a vacation I cant take this negativity and hate for much longer. It feels as if im going crazy.