So I think by now it's PAINFULLY obvious that I haven't been very good about uploading art to FA lately. I've been very slow to work and even worse and keeping any kind of upload schedule. This year has been absolute hell on my mental health for a number of reasons. My PTSD related breakdown from 5 months ago, the pandemic, the civil unrest back in the US, and immigration stuff have all been a tremendous source of stress, anxiety, and depression for me. The pandemic especially...

What little family I have left are all at very high risk. And every day I check the news and cases in my home state have gone up. It's madening not knowing if my family is going to be on the next list of new cases, if they already have it and that's why they aren't responding to my messages, if they're already gone, or if I'm panicking over nothing. I'm grateful that I currently live someplace that's done an amazing job of stopping the spread of the virus but it's little comfort when it comes to the safety of my family overseas.

Basically I've been a god damned MESS.

I'll also be honest about the fact that I honestly have trouble remembering what day it is and I'm really not aware of the passage of time. I'll see a message, think to answer it when I'm not busy, and next thing I know it's been two weeks. I'm getting stuck in my own head a lot and dissociating more and more lately so time is all a big blur as of late.

We're really hoping we can get me back on some meds once my boyfriend is working again but it'll still be a few weeks before we can afford that. He's doing his best to support me and help me where he can in the meantime tough and I'd honestly be much worse off without him here. I'm very grateful for him.

Really this is more of a vent journal than anything because I'm hoping maybe I can relate to others back in the US? The problems back in the states aren't really something I can talk about to anyone here outside of my boyfriend because it doesn't affect them and idk, maybe I'm just feeling a little lonely? He cares because it affects me but it would still be nice to connect with people who are affected in the same way I am, if that makes sense. I don't know...

I'm going to go eat lunch...