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Displacing Previous Journal
5 years ago
This is mostly just a place holder journal (as if anyone were interested in reading my journals anyway -- not complaining, just saying because I certainly wouldn't read my journals either) to displace the previous journal entry that was up as I have just realized that journal is momentarily not really true, so it shouldn't be left up as if it were still active. I still technically am looking for artists to do paid work for those roles as specified in said journal, but at the moment and for the nearer-term foreseeable future I am lacking the emotional fortitude, good will, and blind hope necessary to even try to start the commissioning process again.
I only noticed the issue yesterday when I found out that
AlabasterLion was open for formal commissions again. Alabaster, has been nothing but great to me, I highly recommend commissioning him if you have the idea and the money ready (better hurry, he is popular), and I have been waiting almost two years with abated breath for him to open up for formal commissions again. So when I found out yesterday that he is open for formal commission I practically jumped for joy and started mobilizing to get in on the action before this opportunity disappears. But then, even though Al has only ever been 100% wonderful to me, as I was readying things: typing up the intro email, notes/instructions, readying the funds, I was just filled with an overwhelming sense of depression, exasperation, frustration, dread, and fatigue all very clearly associated with the act of thinking about commissioning. I ended up laying down waiting for this to pass and ended up sleeping for 16 hours in a restless unsatisfying sleep. Now that I am awake again, and still feeling slightly lousy, I conclude that I may have been Pavlovianly conditioned by numerous other artists to have a strong negative response to anything associated with commissions. As such I can't really proceed with any commissions at the moment, not even with wonderful artists like Alabaster whom I have been actively waiting to commission again, until I can get over this instilled funk. And thus I need to displace the previous journal about seeking artists for commissions until it is possible for me to go through with it again.
I only noticed the issue yesterday when I found out that
AlabasterLion was open for formal commissions again. Alabaster, has been nothing but great to me, I highly recommend commissioning him if you have the idea and the money ready (better hurry, he is popular), and I have been waiting almost two years with abated breath for him to open up for formal commissions again. So when I found out yesterday that he is open for formal commission I practically jumped for joy and started mobilizing to get in on the action before this opportunity disappears. But then, even though Al has only ever been 100% wonderful to me, as I was readying things: typing up the intro email, notes/instructions, readying the funds, I was just filled with an overwhelming sense of depression, exasperation, frustration, dread, and fatigue all very clearly associated with the act of thinking about commissioning. I ended up laying down waiting for this to pass and ended up sleeping for 16 hours in a restless unsatisfying sleep. Now that I am awake again, and still feeling slightly lousy, I conclude that I may have been Pavlovianly conditioned by numerous other artists to have a strong negative response to anything associated with commissions. As such I can't really proceed with any commissions at the moment, not even with wonderful artists like Alabaster whom I have been actively waiting to commission again, until I can get over this instilled funk. And thus I need to displace the previous journal about seeking artists for commissions until it is possible for me to go through with it again.
I don't know the specific situations you've dealt with, but I think the best thing that can be done as the commissioner is setting a clear idea and sticking with it. Using your restaurant metaphor, don't order the duck, then go to the kitchen 30 minutes later and ask for the steak. Even if your willing to pay for the duck and the steak, it adds to the cook time before you're served.
Sorry for the long-winded reply, but I do hope you start feeling better again. I hate seeing people down, but I'm no therapist. Maybe that's another alternative if you do feel like things are beyond what a simple journal reply can help.
Stay safe
That is a good point and probably true. Sadly as time has gone on my interest in simpler more reasonable things has pretty much gone to zero, so it is still a problem within me that I have to resolve somehow, just a different one.
"And maybe targeting less popular artists would eliminate the stress about waiting/competing for a slot."
That is definitely true, though I often stop perusing artists after a certain popularity for precisely that reason already, and actually some of my most stressful results have been with lesser known artists.
Thanks for your thoughts.