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I just want to give up on everything. My life is null.
5 years ago
General
Months close of a year's worth passed... and still nothing I cannot do. I tried to bear with the pain, but it's all so tiresome.
I tried to enjoy life, but I kept getting mental reminders of how much I'm a failure by genetic design.
On top of this, my friend has completely left me for dead, with no words or caring about my mental health
for a month of June + nearly 2 weeks into July. I kept trying to work with him, and I get completely ignored like I never existed.
He thinks I'm honky-dory without him or think I just need him to "feel superior". I'm not.
I'm been in Personal Depression Hellzone for so long, I forgot to actually love myself or enjoy life.
And on top of all THIS, my artist drive hasn't been flowing for nearly a year. I don't know what to do with myself.
I can't force jack-shiz to move forward and I been like this for a loooong while. Some say a guy should bear a pair and suck it up.
I can't. I literally can't. I'm the bonding type of person. I can't do without someone who was my muse and beloved other.
How can I even think to "move on"? I am in confusion and directionless. And companionless + art-passionless. It's been eating me alive.
Self-loathing and inner turmoil, nearly every day. I don't know how to live with my faults. I am a lousy prototype and just bio-engineered junk.
I have many flaws and hardly no one could stand them. It's what I think when he left me. The torment never ends.
I tried to enjoy life, but I kept getting mental reminders of how much I'm a failure by genetic design.
On top of this, my friend has completely left me for dead, with no words or caring about my mental health
for a month of June + nearly 2 weeks into July. I kept trying to work with him, and I get completely ignored like I never existed.
He thinks I'm honky-dory without him or think I just need him to "feel superior". I'm not.
I'm been in Personal Depression Hellzone for so long, I forgot to actually love myself or enjoy life.
And on top of all THIS, my artist drive hasn't been flowing for nearly a year. I don't know what to do with myself.
I can't force jack-shiz to move forward and I been like this for a loooong while. Some say a guy should bear a pair and suck it up.
I can't. I literally can't. I'm the bonding type of person. I can't do without someone who was my muse and beloved other.
How can I even think to "move on"? I am in confusion and directionless. And companionless + art-passionless. It's been eating me alive.
Self-loathing and inner turmoil, nearly every day. I don't know how to live with my faults. I am a lousy prototype and just bio-engineered junk.
I have many flaws and hardly no one could stand them. It's what I think when he left me. The torment never ends.
Maybe if I can do something with myself, I make things, again. I really doubt things turn better.
It only just get worse and I can't stop the downward spiral.
It's like time changed and messed everything over. He even used to call me fitting lewd nicknames like "Black Beast".
i guess the only thing I still have is the memories and art we shared from a more gentler age of friend-bonding.
He could change, but probably not now... The hope for reconcile is practically gone.