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Life Update: Darkest Times
5 years ago
So been avoiding writing this; mainly as I’ve been sitting and waiting for test results, but also because I’ve been hoping that I didn’t have to... that it was all a lie or some kind of nightmare.
It all started two weeks ago. My mother has some chronic issues and we were going in to see about a pulled muscle from her constant coughing; hell I’ve done it before too. So an X-ray was taken and showed her lung wasn’t inflating due to not taking a deep enough breath; said it was pretty common with COPD patients and that we’d keep an eye on it.
A week later we go back in to check to see how things look; another simple X-ray. This time it showed part of her right lung had collapsed. Unsure why; the doctor then tells us to go get a CT Scan the next day figuring it was probably a “bleb” they called. Blebs are when a piece of the membrane of the lung “pops” of sorts; considering the constant cough it was thought to be uncommon for it to happen, but not out of the question. We were not expecting what was next...
So that same day; the doctor tells us to come back to her office; the results were not what we were looking for... it was a 1cm mass on her lung pressing down on it... prognosis was that it was lung cancer and that the results showed it had already spread... making this officially Stage 4.
Now with a few other tests out of the way; we get the MRI results and it shows it’s also spread to her brain. The take away is that it’s there, but treatable; so long as her body can hold up... Either way we are looking at a few months to under 3 years...
I have no fucking clue of what to do or how to feel. Every day I am waking up in tears yet feeling numb. Each day is only getting worse. She was in denial about it all, but now it’s starting to hit which is making it worse. She is stubborn and strong willed for sure; a trait much appreciated with all of this as that might just get her through this... however at the end of the day; I won’t have my mother for much longer. She’s only 65 and it’s eating me alive. All the things I still wanted to do or show her; now rendered impossible...
These really are dark times for all of us...
It all started two weeks ago. My mother has some chronic issues and we were going in to see about a pulled muscle from her constant coughing; hell I’ve done it before too. So an X-ray was taken and showed her lung wasn’t inflating due to not taking a deep enough breath; said it was pretty common with COPD patients and that we’d keep an eye on it.
A week later we go back in to check to see how things look; another simple X-ray. This time it showed part of her right lung had collapsed. Unsure why; the doctor then tells us to go get a CT Scan the next day figuring it was probably a “bleb” they called. Blebs are when a piece of the membrane of the lung “pops” of sorts; considering the constant cough it was thought to be uncommon for it to happen, but not out of the question. We were not expecting what was next...
So that same day; the doctor tells us to come back to her office; the results were not what we were looking for... it was a 1cm mass on her lung pressing down on it... prognosis was that it was lung cancer and that the results showed it had already spread... making this officially Stage 4.
Now with a few other tests out of the way; we get the MRI results and it shows it’s also spread to her brain. The take away is that it’s there, but treatable; so long as her body can hold up... Either way we are looking at a few months to under 3 years...
I have no fucking clue of what to do or how to feel. Every day I am waking up in tears yet feeling numb. Each day is only getting worse. She was in denial about it all, but now it’s starting to hit which is making it worse. She is stubborn and strong willed for sure; a trait much appreciated with all of this as that might just get her through this... however at the end of the day; I won’t have my mother for much longer. She’s only 65 and it’s eating me alive. All the things I still wanted to do or show her; now rendered impossible...
These really are dark times for all of us...
Cherish every single second since it looks like you two have a solid relationship. Cherish it, I say.