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Some Deep Ramblings Brought About by Frustration.
5 years ago
-- Probably the most important journal about me --
-- OPEN FOR COMMISSIONS!! --
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Sooooo, recently I've been messing around with learning 3D stuff. Blender and Unity, mostly so I could port the 3D models I'd gotten into other places like VRchat and stuff (which by the way, expect a post about that coming soon ;) ). I've gotten fairly good at porting things I think, and I'll be opening up and advertising commissions for that soon too. As I've gotten more and more accustomed with Blender though, I've been trying out different stuff, like learning about shapekeys in order to first make vVrchat models blink, now to experiment with stuff like growing/swelling animations. I've taught myself how to make additions to models, retexture them, and a few other things.
While it's all great and wonderful, I recently hit a damn snag while trying to edit a Yoshi model I found to make it into Kelly, one that has cost me three whole days worth of literally doing nothing but get up, fuss with the thing for hours upon hours, then realize I've stayed up way later than i should and destroyed my sleep schedule, and go nap. And the frustration hit a boiling point just now as I finally jumped back on telegram again, finding myself ranting.
A lot of my ranting ended up being about the damn price of things, like. Holy shit guys, I know 3D modeling is alot of work, I can SEE that by the virtue of having messed around and DONE it the past week/month or two. But everyones prices being the same as like a used car at $500 a pop?! WHAT. Finding someone for a price I can afford of the low hundred dollar range or less is frieking impossible! The four folks I found, two of them were closed for the foreseeable future, one had stopped 3D modeling entirely, and the 4th has a policy of not sharing the models unless a promise is made and kept to not use them for lewd things. FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF. But me being a greedy consumer was just the catylist for what the real frustrations have been the past week for me that I needed to rant about.
The main thing sourcing my frutstration right now is the fact that I've blown three solid days on this 3D stuff, both learning to do it and searching for folks who I can afford to pay to help me do what I want with it, and how little I'm probably going to get out of it! Coupled with the fact that I have other obligations for myself that I literally haven't TOUCHED because Blender and unity ate up literally every hour of the past few days.
In other words:
Sharky's list of things he hasn't done in half a week that he should be doing cause of fighting with 3D
- Spend time with people I love and like on telegram.
- 2D ART. (including a 50% complete BIG commission Jace paid me to do :) and a collab piece thats been sitting for far too long I havent even started yet. Thats all BEFORE getting to doing the mountain of personal art thats piled back up again)
- Games - Rocket league's weekly win obligations to take full advantage of the money I spent on the RocketPass promotion. And then the daily challenges on Pinball Deluxe. PLUS Pokemon go is having it's dragon event right now.
- WRITING - More of my big HTTYD crossover fic project which is only like 20% done at most atm. Then FINALLY get back to revising Greg's novel which has sat untouched for goddamn MONTHS after having been started YEARS ago.
it's like, i should be getting stuff done off that list, but instead here I am blasting away time on the 3D struggles so that what? i can be everyone in VrChat so everyone I see in it can go "Oh thats nice." for a second then move on, and the like, MAYBE a dozen people who will favorite my avatars and use them for themselves int her that I will never ever see. And for the few animations I can get with them because goddamn animations are fucking expensive too at like, 50 a pop for anything larger than a single hip thrust loop @_@ I'm a frieking HOMEOWNER with BILLS to pay and I work a MINIMUM WAGE JOB, and my seasonal job at Metlife Stadium which gives me an extra 3k each year isn't gonna happen this year cause of the damn virus!
( by the way if you wanna be any of my guys in Vrchat, here's the world to check out :) https://vrchat.com/home/world/wrld_.....a-df74ed3997a6 )
Everything on that list, it's alllllll STUCK up here *pokes my noggin* and I just WANT TO GET IT OUT. And I want people to SEE it and ENJOY it and LOVE it... uaghhh... *headdesks gently*
You know I recently finally decided after having a stroke last year to remember to write a will? And one of the big things I put in there and care that it's in there, are instructions for my WIP stuff to be uploaded online, all of it, and for my stuff to be declared copyright free, and a message to everyone thanking them for sharing in my imagination with me and that I hope my creations live on for a long long time.... I dunno why Im bringing this up but, ueaghh
yknow what my ideal version of heaven would be if there is such a thing? I mean aside from the ability to jump back down to live again whenever you get bored of heaven cause thats an inevitability with the nature of forever. Is that it'd be a place, not where I get what I want with no effort, but that I can CREATE what I want with zero effort. That I can just go "Hey! Here's my movie about Kelly and Steel and how they met IronGut and were saved and lived a great life" and *poof!* there it is :P And everyone else can see and enjoy it too :) I want to make my imagination external for the world to see because there's some amazing stuff in there
*rambling shark finally finishes rambling incoherently*
Sorry if any of this is coming off as incredibly selfish or insensitive to how mcuh an artist is charging for their work and stuff... I just needed to vent it all out cause holy shit I've spent the past three damn days doing NOTHING but 3D work and I have very little to show for it as opposed to things that I want to get done so I can share @_@
While it's all great and wonderful, I recently hit a damn snag while trying to edit a Yoshi model I found to make it into Kelly, one that has cost me three whole days worth of literally doing nothing but get up, fuss with the thing for hours upon hours, then realize I've stayed up way later than i should and destroyed my sleep schedule, and go nap. And the frustration hit a boiling point just now as I finally jumped back on telegram again, finding myself ranting.
A lot of my ranting ended up being about the damn price of things, like. Holy shit guys, I know 3D modeling is alot of work, I can SEE that by the virtue of having messed around and DONE it the past week/month or two. But everyones prices being the same as like a used car at $500 a pop?! WHAT. Finding someone for a price I can afford of the low hundred dollar range or less is frieking impossible! The four folks I found, two of them were closed for the foreseeable future, one had stopped 3D modeling entirely, and the 4th has a policy of not sharing the models unless a promise is made and kept to not use them for lewd things. FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF. But me being a greedy consumer was just the catylist for what the real frustrations have been the past week for me that I needed to rant about.
The main thing sourcing my frutstration right now is the fact that I've blown three solid days on this 3D stuff, both learning to do it and searching for folks who I can afford to pay to help me do what I want with it, and how little I'm probably going to get out of it! Coupled with the fact that I have other obligations for myself that I literally haven't TOUCHED because Blender and unity ate up literally every hour of the past few days.
In other words:
Sharky's list of things he hasn't done in half a week that he should be doing cause of fighting with 3D
- Spend time with people I love and like on telegram.
- 2D ART. (including a 50% complete BIG commission Jace paid me to do :) and a collab piece thats been sitting for far too long I havent even started yet. Thats all BEFORE getting to doing the mountain of personal art thats piled back up again)
- Games - Rocket league's weekly win obligations to take full advantage of the money I spent on the RocketPass promotion. And then the daily challenges on Pinball Deluxe. PLUS Pokemon go is having it's dragon event right now.
- WRITING - More of my big HTTYD crossover fic project which is only like 20% done at most atm. Then FINALLY get back to revising Greg's novel which has sat untouched for goddamn MONTHS after having been started YEARS ago.
it's like, i should be getting stuff done off that list, but instead here I am blasting away time on the 3D struggles so that what? i can be everyone in VrChat so everyone I see in it can go "Oh thats nice." for a second then move on, and the like, MAYBE a dozen people who will favorite my avatars and use them for themselves int her that I will never ever see. And for the few animations I can get with them because goddamn animations are fucking expensive too at like, 50 a pop for anything larger than a single hip thrust loop @_@ I'm a frieking HOMEOWNER with BILLS to pay and I work a MINIMUM WAGE JOB, and my seasonal job at Metlife Stadium which gives me an extra 3k each year isn't gonna happen this year cause of the damn virus!
( by the way if you wanna be any of my guys in Vrchat, here's the world to check out :) https://vrchat.com/home/world/wrld_.....a-df74ed3997a6 )
Everything on that list, it's alllllll STUCK up here *pokes my noggin* and I just WANT TO GET IT OUT. And I want people to SEE it and ENJOY it and LOVE it... uaghhh... *headdesks gently*
You know I recently finally decided after having a stroke last year to remember to write a will? And one of the big things I put in there and care that it's in there, are instructions for my WIP stuff to be uploaded online, all of it, and for my stuff to be declared copyright free, and a message to everyone thanking them for sharing in my imagination with me and that I hope my creations live on for a long long time.... I dunno why Im bringing this up but, ueaghh
yknow what my ideal version of heaven would be if there is such a thing? I mean aside from the ability to jump back down to live again whenever you get bored of heaven cause thats an inevitability with the nature of forever. Is that it'd be a place, not where I get what I want with no effort, but that I can CREATE what I want with zero effort. That I can just go "Hey! Here's my movie about Kelly and Steel and how they met IronGut and were saved and lived a great life" and *poof!* there it is :P And everyone else can see and enjoy it too :) I want to make my imagination external for the world to see because there's some amazing stuff in there
*rambling shark finally finishes rambling incoherently*
Sorry if any of this is coming off as incredibly selfish or insensitive to how mcuh an artist is charging for their work and stuff... I just needed to vent it all out cause holy shit I've spent the past three damn days doing NOTHING but 3D work and I have very little to show for it as opposed to things that I want to get done so I can share @_@
shotking
~shotking
3D work takes a lot of time and effort to master. It's admirable that your taking it up, but dont get so hung up if you have not shown much progress. Just mess around, and reach out to others who may be able to help. And even if it doesnt work out, im sure you are good or better at other arts. I know you are! And focus on things a little bit at a time. Eventually, your learn how to manage it and your time better through some practice.
cheery314
~cheery314
Hey, I hope you can get your other obligations done and relax with your friends! Sorry I haven't said hi in so long, I'll have to fix that.
