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Just a random Journal
5 years ago
It's been awhile since I've made a journal but let's be honest...no one will read this unless it was something along the lines of "Hey I'm looking for someone to take a slot in a drawing of someone being taken by one of my werebeasts" or something else that is NSFW related.
I guess it's more of a vent more than anything.
Ever since I've been back from the US (since the 3rd of June) I feel like my mental health has not been doing all that well. Tried taking up Let's Plays again since I can't stream while I'm at home but it really hasn't been doing so well, thought that since I don't get much feedback or anything it'd be best to have a like goal of 2 likes on the first episode of my first let's play in a long time (RE 2 2019). Just 2 likes was needed to make Episode 2 go public and continue with the series but however after 20 days it became apparent that it wasn't going to happen and was holding everything up (like I would have probably been on my 4th or 5th game by now) so I made it public which is a shame really since I say thank you for fulfilling the goal at the start of the episode.
Now I feel like the fun in doing the Let's Play for that game has been ruined since I have like...3 and a half scenarios left to do and I feel like it's been a waste of time so far so I've moved on to a different game. I'm trying Project CARS 1 (GOTY edition) and I'm not sure if that's doing anything but that is supposed to be a long side series. it just doesn't feel right having 308 subscribers yet a video can get to 3 views within 2-5 days and stop dead there (it is depending on the game but it's happened to a lot games I've done which led to me deleting all of the videos of them which is why I barely have any videos now compared to a couple of months ago).
I've tried sharing the videos on Twitter, Reddit (yes even on Facebook even though no one barely uses it) and of course in self promotion channels in Discord servers I'm in but it hasn't seemed to do much.
Another issue I have is that I have my own server but new people very rarely come in and if they do they either leave a couple of seconds later or just never say anything except the extremely rare message which could be like one every two months or something. I had to kick two people because one would just ask me when the next stream was and not care about anything I had to say (really didn't seem all that interested that I finally made it back home either) and the other was just being edgy all the time or wasn't being all that helpful when needed (funny really since he wanted to be a mod).
I just feel like whenever I do something or try to do something it is not bringing in anything in return and it just leaves me in this state of "I'm supposed to be doing this right now" but I don't do it. Like right now for example, instead of writing this journal I was supposed to record 2 episodes of Project CARS, an episode or two of another game and have something to eat but I don't feel like doing ANY of that (can't think of what that other game was supposed to be either).
I guess it's more of a vent more than anything.
Ever since I've been back from the US (since the 3rd of June) I feel like my mental health has not been doing all that well. Tried taking up Let's Plays again since I can't stream while I'm at home but it really hasn't been doing so well, thought that since I don't get much feedback or anything it'd be best to have a like goal of 2 likes on the first episode of my first let's play in a long time (RE 2 2019). Just 2 likes was needed to make Episode 2 go public and continue with the series but however after 20 days it became apparent that it wasn't going to happen and was holding everything up (like I would have probably been on my 4th or 5th game by now) so I made it public which is a shame really since I say thank you for fulfilling the goal at the start of the episode.
Now I feel like the fun in doing the Let's Play for that game has been ruined since I have like...3 and a half scenarios left to do and I feel like it's been a waste of time so far so I've moved on to a different game. I'm trying Project CARS 1 (GOTY edition) and I'm not sure if that's doing anything but that is supposed to be a long side series. it just doesn't feel right having 308 subscribers yet a video can get to 3 views within 2-5 days and stop dead there (it is depending on the game but it's happened to a lot games I've done which led to me deleting all of the videos of them which is why I barely have any videos now compared to a couple of months ago).
I've tried sharing the videos on Twitter, Reddit (yes even on Facebook even though no one barely uses it) and of course in self promotion channels in Discord servers I'm in but it hasn't seemed to do much.
Another issue I have is that I have my own server but new people very rarely come in and if they do they either leave a couple of seconds later or just never say anything except the extremely rare message which could be like one every two months or something. I had to kick two people because one would just ask me when the next stream was and not care about anything I had to say (really didn't seem all that interested that I finally made it back home either) and the other was just being edgy all the time or wasn't being all that helpful when needed (funny really since he wanted to be a mod).
I just feel like whenever I do something or try to do something it is not bringing in anything in return and it just leaves me in this state of "I'm supposed to be doing this right now" but I don't do it. Like right now for example, instead of writing this journal I was supposed to record 2 episodes of Project CARS, an episode or two of another game and have something to eat but I don't feel like doing ANY of that (can't think of what that other game was supposed to be either).
