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4 years
16 years ago
So it's soon to be 4 years with my boyfriend. I love him very much.
Still I cannot sleep and I'll probably freak out and delete this journal in the clear light of the morning.
It's been 4 years and we only seem to be going backwards. He hasn't thought about moving in together, he hasn't thought of anything else like marriage. I know he is very laid back. Surely if you love someone enough you think about these things. Maybe I am just not the one. If this is so it needs to be sorted out for both of our sakes.
He tells me I am cute all of the time, he's very physically affectionate, he seems to love me, but maybe not as much as he should after 4 years? I also don't get the emotional support that I need from him. It's all very confusing.
I don't feel the same as I did at the start about him, though this is normal when together for so long? I feel like I associate him with stress sometimes, which may be the actual problem. He's very laid back and his parents are very pushy, I have seen him turn into a shell of his former self since being a lawyer 3 years ago. His family also cause a lot of stress.
Of course he is my first real boyfriend, they say that people never stay with their first... In this case I wonder if he is right for me, I don't want to lose out on a partner for life, we do get along well and he does a lot for me.
Maybe we are just not right for each other, I feel like we should date other people to see how we -actually- feel about each other, but just thinking about taking that step makes me feel sick.
It's very confusing, who knows what will happen, maybe it's just a bad patch. I feel weird posting it here, but this is a good place to get objective opinions, from people that don't know him.
Still I cannot sleep and I'll probably freak out and delete this journal in the clear light of the morning.
It's been 4 years and we only seem to be going backwards. He hasn't thought about moving in together, he hasn't thought of anything else like marriage. I know he is very laid back. Surely if you love someone enough you think about these things. Maybe I am just not the one. If this is so it needs to be sorted out for both of our sakes.
He tells me I am cute all of the time, he's very physically affectionate, he seems to love me, but maybe not as much as he should after 4 years? I also don't get the emotional support that I need from him. It's all very confusing.
I don't feel the same as I did at the start about him, though this is normal when together for so long? I feel like I associate him with stress sometimes, which may be the actual problem. He's very laid back and his parents are very pushy, I have seen him turn into a shell of his former self since being a lawyer 3 years ago. His family also cause a lot of stress.
Of course he is my first real boyfriend, they say that people never stay with their first... In this case I wonder if he is right for me, I don't want to lose out on a partner for life, we do get along well and he does a lot for me.
Maybe we are just not right for each other, I feel like we should date other people to see how we -actually- feel about each other, but just thinking about taking that step makes me feel sick.
It's very confusing, who knows what will happen, maybe it's just a bad patch. I feel weird posting it here, but this is a good place to get objective opinions, from people that don't know him.
Just my two cents. Good luck to you, whatever you decide to do.
I am not willing to wait when the future is uncertain, honestly, his family is a big problem, massive culture clash. If I stay with him I realise that he has to be stronger with them. Although things were better when he had his own place - still, his family is away 50% of the time even now.
I am kind of scared and I guess in my guy I don't trust men. I have found a guy I trust, a good person and it's hard to give that up.
But he keeps putting it off, throwing it on the back burner, like when they argue about it, he always changes the subject really quickly.
I say he's afraid of commitment if by this time after 4 years have gone by without mention of marriage or moving in together, it maybe time for you to move on.
But I'm t total stranger, so you may not want to listen to me.
Just try and keep a stiff upper lip and don't let it get you down, try and put more ideas into his head, and if in a year if you'd like to take that long, doesn't pan out to marriage, or at least moving in together, I would tell him to find someone else to be laid back with.
Total strangers opinions are exactly what I need, thanks :)
The first thing you should do is talk to him about how you're feeling and to get him to do the same without arguing about it or becoming moody/withdrawn. Pouting, sulking, or brooding over your thoughts or feelings [which they WILL notice] can make your partner jump to conclusions and make them think negative things about your being together. "Did I do something wrong?" "Why won't they tell me what's bugging them?" "Don't they trust me?"
So the first step is to sit down and talk. :3
He's not really used to talking about things like that which is why I am scared it's just his way and he can't express himself. But of course I wonder if with the right person that things would be different for him.
"also, try not to fret over it-- girls think more about the future of a relationship than guys do. And chances are, he HAS thought about it and not said anything. Or it just hasn't crossed his mind because he enjoys being with you. c:"
That's pretty much the thoughts that are keeping me with him at the moment.
I'm just worried it's because we're not right for each other, and if he was with the right person maybe he'd make more effort with it.