Update 18/08/20
My friend will have a therapy session tonight at 8pm, also she has an appointment with a doctor tomorrow at 6:30. Still wondering how bad it is cuz she still having chest pain after the blood vomit incident,will inform any progress.
Update 19/08/20
Therapy session was awful, only made her feel worse due to something therapist said, I guess she didn't mean it that way but yeah, friend just felt horrible afterwards, need to find another one /:

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I'm unsure how to approach this, so I think the best way is chronological order.
After my last journal, and once my hand got better, I was really excited and working on new projects, everything seemed to be turned out for better, also finally I Was gonna able to take care of my best friend who has been struggling for a long while. I had some major offers, one of them being from  togepi1125 (why i even mention this, will be aparent very soon). Things were seemingly looking up.
Once my best friend was gonna move back to me (she was living with another mutual friend), things got pretty bad, so more context is now necesary to understand the why.
The city I'm currently living right now isn't my hometown, I moved here back in 2008 chasing after a girl, things turned out pretty bad for a while, and ever since it was a back and forth thing between yes I want you, no i don't, that relationship started back in 2006, and once things got pretty bad, I was trying to make things up, but it was a long distance relationship, so that complicated things, and sunk me into a deep depression, I come from a deprived home, we had no money, I lived with my mom and my uncle, him having severe alcoholism made things bad since I was in elementary school, never met my father or even know who he was, mom never told. My relationship with her was pretty bad, i never really had a conversation with her, she always refused to engage into a deeper relationship, at the time I just felt bad, but now looking back, and after knowing what a real mom-kids relationship is, I realize how that actually have an effect in my life to come.
So after I moved here, things didn't got better, in fact they got worse, and kinda resumed back in 2010, and were up and down since, my best friend was also a friend with this girl, and was always supporting me and her.
For thelongest time, I Was blinded by trying to fix things with her, as a matter of fact, me being an artist was just the way I was able to raise money to come visit her in the first place, and why I actually decided to pick art as a career, so it'd allow me that freedom of being anywhere.

That being said, I was pretty much stuck and I Was never able to realize it.

As mentioned on a previous journal, in 2015, for her, her only goal in life was to rebuild her relationship with her mom and brother since it was damaged by some events years prior, which lead to her living with me in the first place, she's also an artist, so I wanted to help her, her whole motivation was that, to one day be able to mend things up with her family.
Logically, what happened crushed her in a very deep way, however, her mom was in pain too, so she was there for her, but both were in denial. However what happened, made them closer then ever, her mom was full of pain and willing to die with the intention of finding out what happened to her son, my friend tried to help, but she was in pain too, and didn't know what was best to do, she steyed with her for a while and got closer than ever, however after a few months, her mom was killed too, and that had a severe impact on her, you know that part of the story since a previous journal told that story, cuz I Was involved in that time frame, which is why i stopped being around furaffinity (or any othersite) altogether.

What I didn't know, is that since her brother passed, she's been in a deep denial, a defense mechanism by her brain trying to protect her from all that and keep her alive, she always kept things for herself, since what happened is just the last thing she could endure of a long life of horrible events, most of which I never knew, or anyone for that matter (more on that later).

Since that time, all she did was basically live in a bubble where her mom and brother were still alive (early 2015) and whatever information, image, situation , etc, showed her that in fact, it was not 2015, would trigger a cascade of anxiety depression and all the negative things u can imagine. The things is,due to some events i will not disclose happening at en early stage in her life, she learn to keep things for herself, put on a mask and act as if nothing is wrong.
Earlier last year, my situation with the girl I was trying to fix things with, reached an all time low, and I Was at the brink of really contemplating suicide too, work was very hard for me to do, cuz as mentioned, the whole reason I Started this journey in art, was her, so I reached a point where I could no longer stand that, I Was severely depressed, working little by little, but considering just getting a 'normal' job here (living in mexico, that'd net anything from 100-400 tops, a month)and I Was entirely broke, so I Was really considering what to do, also yes I kept that to myself.

Around may, I met one person, and due to several things, pretty much all that was going on at the time, all I can say is I 'woke' from that state I've been in since october 2006, but did't know what to do with my emotions at the time, I never considered ever being with someone else until that point, for a long while I Was utterly confused. But I fell in love with this person, for the first time I Was truly happy, i was able to be myself, and once again I went back to do all that I dropped due to depression.

You see, the only contact I have with people, is my best friend, my ex, and a friend from another state, that's it, no family contact or anything(mom died 2010, aloholic uncle blamed for it, from that point onwards I felt even worse and stopped contact with my family, he turned the other part of my family against me because lies that prevented anyone to know he had alcoholism). And then, this girl I met in may, who thanks to her support, changed my life for the better.

So I was a mess, it took me a while to process everything, I didn't talk to anyone about it, until I decided to move forward, which was when I posted the journal, I felt confidence in myself again, until that, i thought of myself as worthless, undeserving of everything (which is why I even drop my prices int he first place when moving from hentaifoundry to furaffinity). I felt as myself again, something I hadn't felt for over 13 years.

I Was happy cuz I thought things would get better, and I could also share that with my best friend, cuz I knew I Wasn't there when she needed me many times, and once I Wasn't blinded by depression and I could see all that in retrospective I wanted to make antyhing in my power to turn everything around.

So that being said, once I told Vale about this new person, she felt horrible, cuz she wanted to have peace, she wanted to move back in with me, and keep feeling as if it were 2015, where I was in the constant chase for the other person, her supporting me, andthinking her family was alive and well.

From that point (january 9th), she clearly stated she wanted to die, that she couldn't deal with reality, all she wanted to do is go back to her mom's house and die. I Tried talking to her and things just got worse, also I broke too, cuz I Felt like I should've just remain the same, but at the same time I Actually fell in love again, I Was torn, and seeing my best friend, the only person I've come to actually consider family, the one she cared for me when I Was in the lowest point, bot emotionally and when my health was at it's worse. I basically felt like I bursted by the seams and I wanted to die too, the more I Tried talking to her, the more things got worse, she just wanted to be left alone and die, it was better than having to deal with the reality of the thing she valued most in her life, being gone.

Since she was a kid, she wanted to kill herself, and swore to herself to not do it until her mom died, cuz she didn't want to cause any distress to her, now with that finally ocurring, shefelt there was no need to be alive anymore, and while her brain tried to protect her by isolating her from reality, now even being with me also let her know, things really did happen, this is not 2015 anymore, and there's nothing that can bring that back.

Things got worse, I ended up wanting to kill myself too, my new found relationship was quickly falling apart and I Was pretty much neglecting my own feelings in order to try and help my friend, I felt utterly useless and unable to do anything, I tried talking, tellingher I Was there, cuz the whole reason I even asked her to move back in was because I Wanted to help her and get her to therapy cuz I knew part of the story and her being in denial, but not tho that extent, previous therapist have told her grief would last x amount of time, but that wasn't case, it has gone for just about 5 years so far.

Things got so bad, she started cutting herself a lot, so we ended up going to a psychiatrich hospital, that has a pretty bad reputation and also we experienced ourselves that, we only have a 18 minutes interview and after that they wanted to get her commited, we refused , but got medication.

She started taking meds but apart from the first few days they stopped working and things got bad again, I ended up breaking too after many incidents(specially disregarding my own feeligns and needs, and the person I wanted to be with, in favor of trying to right a wrong), which caused me to also fall into depression, I didn't took the commissions I had been offered, like togepi's mentioned earlier, to date it'd be my most expensive commissionand I always wanted to do a work for him, and I Wasn't even able to function properly anymore.
I was caring for her, stopping her from cutting herself when I could but I couldn't really handle that, it has really take a huge blow on my mental health as well to the point where I became suicidal as well being unable to help, felt like all that that hope I had for a better future got crushed.

Things have been like that since january and only gotten worse and worse over time, she has opened up more , told me things she hasn't told anyone, and that only filled her with more despair, for the past 2 weeks or so she stopped getting out of bed almost altogether for anything other than going to the bathroom and ocassionally accepting food.

A few days ago, she disclosed her plans to commit suicide at one of 2 dates, next month, september 23rd, or next year, april 17th , as she feels is the way to end a cycle that should have ended since she was a kid. After that I started reaching out to another friend, I always kept everything up to msyself, but also I Realized i need help too and can't do this alone, hence why I'm coming here, first and foremost, to explain the reason of my abscence, second, since atm I'm entirely broke and unable to help after I spent all money I had moving again on july 9th(the house we were previously living in, where I moved back at the end of december last year, was put on sale without any prior notification, owner got scared because the whole covid thing so decided to sell to get as much money as possible so I had to look for a new place and move within just a few days ).

Yesterday she almost overdosed on medication, induced vomit on herself, and aside from the pills, the vomit however, had a few streaks of blood, I Was adviced against taking her to the red cross since we live in one of the states hitted hard by the covid pandemic, with the red cross clinic being shut down a couple months ago after all personel got infected due to low safety measures, which is a reality we live here in Mexico, so I'm also trying to raise money to get her medical attention in a private hospital.

A friend suggested to open up an auction for an adoptable I designed a while ago to help raise funds so I can get her to a therapist asap, since my original plan was to do a commission but time is of the ssence right now given all the previous stated facts.

I'll post all the details of the auction if anyone is interested, I just don't know what else to do , I have hit a super low point and I needed to open up, there's no way I can do this on my own anymore.

Will edit this in the next few hours to update on the current situation, sorry in advance if this journal seems a bit messy but I've been writing on and off after going to the next room to check on my friend.