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Moods
5 years ago
Rawr! Hello, welcome, come and sit! Thanks for stopping by for a bit. ^.=.^
Trying to stick in a habit of jotting down things somewhere, so have another off the wall journal.
Been in odd states of mind a lot this past month, though its not really anything new. It's far to easy to suddenly slip into a rutt of seclusion, specially anytime work picks up and leaves me with that sense that i'm not able to be around at the right times. It starts to make moments feel like eternity, whilst there all so similar, that i somehow lose a month before i know it. Things that used to comfort me, feel odd even. And it really shoots my motivation down.
But, then something always tends to occur, to push me back up, raise my mood, and leave me unable to feel bad for a time. Friends appear, maybe a little act of kindness, and it wipes it away for a time.
Course, poor sleep at times likely affects my moods too, leaving me irritable, even angry on occasion. And then feeling worse later on when the feelings fade, even if i didn't show them, just judging myself for having them. I tell myself i'm not the best, good or kind, and instead that i don't do enough for others. While others tell me the opposite. Course, even in my mind, i sometimes turn that about, to use as evidence against myself, thinking "Well, you just say those things about yourself to feed your ego. You want to hear compliments" which, compliments are nice, and im sure many people can't help but like them. But, then why do i tell it to myself in my head all the time, in private, and never share?
Arguing with myself is such an old habit, going round and round. Its about as silly as arguing with pike, my tail maw. But, its gotten more one sided the last few months. The scars from prior relationships with friends that caused me pain, flaring up and compounding it, and me sitting there telling myself reasons why i deserved it, and the fact that their really weak ones, leaves me feeling like i'm failing to prosecute myself do to bias, when it is just as likely that they had no good reason too.
But, still, with everyone down a lot lately, i wish you all the best. I'll keep fighting these dark and sad moods if yall do O/ and thank you a lot to any that read these, even 2 or 3 people seeing em does make me feel a guilty bit of happiness. >w> 
Generationslayer
~generationslayer
I getcha man. If you can try to improve your sleep habits. It might help with the paranoia if you can
Kaltt_Deelohial
~kalttdeelohial
Ever there to hugs and fill you as much as i can!
