Today here in Philadelphia, bunny and I were riding the el from his former home back to our hotel in Center City (Philly’s downtown for all you non-phillies out there). I glanced at the surrounding passengers. All of them were withdrawn, lifeless, austere, not looking at anything, anyone….. Just surrounded in a hard shell to keep the outside world out. It was not because they were depressed or having bad days. Maybe some did. It was because of the harsh inner city urban grit, the fast paced nature of living in a major city, the aggressive people, the hustlers, the potential of personal safety being on the line. You keep to yourself because to you, the person living in the inner city, everybody around you has “an angle” as my bunny puts it. What do you want? What’s your game? Why are you bothering me when I’m not bothering you?.

When I saw bunny sitting across the aisle from me. I saw that same bubble around him. Even though I know bunny through and through, how he works, how he is as a person, the person behind his hard core urban shell, I saw a much different person. I saw him drop into that withdrawn state just like the rest of the passengers on that el train we were riding. It was strange to me. He blended in with the rest of the passengers, that same lifeless grey. 40 years of living in Philadelphia taught him to withdraw to survive. You keep that low profile, that austere shell because anyone out there, that man waiting at the bus stop, that woman stepping out of a shop, that bum laying on the sidewalk could have an angle that could end up hurting you in some way, shape or form. Given that we had run into several people that had angles, most notably some sleezy sack of shit trying to peddle SEPTA transpasses at “discount” prices I got a small taste of what bunny had to deal with and why its wise to withdraw into the lifeless grey.

Bunny and the rest of the passengers did the right thing by keeping to themselves and surround themselves with that austere crust. They had too as part of surviving and enduring the urban jungle. But it’s sad it has to be that way. Yes there are bad people lurking in the urban jungle, the peddlers, pan handlers, street thugs, muggers, scammers, criminals, and so forth. But there is allot of interesting things to see in the city, so much to see, hear, observe, take in. There is so much for the eyes in the city that I wonder how anyone could ever get bored. But because of having to withdraw and keep to oneself in order to survive, all of that is ignored. You see nothing because you can’t due to keep to yourself and nothing more. So all of what could be appreciated are ignored.

But the real sad part of living in the urban environment is you are surrounded by a lot of people each with unique personalities and maybe unique stories to tell. But you will never know or appreciate them let alone see who they are as a person because you are withdrawn and they are withdrawn. What could be a wide spectrum of vivid colors is reduced to that lifeless grey...for the sake of keeping yourself from being scammed, mugged, jumped, or maybe even killed. It weighed heavy on my heart to know that such a fate awaits those who are borned into urban grit such as my bunny or those that had moved into the big city and spent a number of years living in the big city. It is a fate of being alone in a sea of people because there is a good chance of running into a lowlife scumbag with an angle.

Now that I have seen things with my own two eyes, I appreciate bunny even more. I respect him because he survived the urban jungle and endured that loneliness of withdrawing into that lifeless grey just to survive. He was born into that harsh reality. He survived it. He made it through it. If he can endure that much and still come out as a human being worthy of being loved, then he can handle just about anything life can throw at him.

I made sure to thank bunny for enduring for so long before coming into my life. I made it clear that I appreciate what he had to do to make it through that 40 year long part of his life where he had to withdrawal and keep to himself, to blend into that lifeless grey to keep the people with angles at bay. How sad that must be? But He did it. I hope that now that he is with me where I can give him all the love he needs and quite frankly deserves. Most of all I sincerely hope that me being a part of his life now will finally at long last allow him to relax and not have to worry about people with angles ever again. He deserves that much. Hence why I tend to be protective of my bunny and am very quick to shut people down should they hurt him in any way…. As some found out the hard way such as a certain former purple wolf when I quickly grilled his ass and blocked him for being snide with my bunny. The former purple wolf is an example of a person with an angle.

I want my bunny to know what it's like to be able to be himself without much fear of people with angles. Inside that hardcore urban shell of his is a wonderful human being with a big heart and a strong spirit and so damn irresistably adorable. He is a human being that will bend over backwards to treat you right. All it take to coax bunny out of that hard austere shell is to simply treat him right. Treat him as you want to be treated. That’s all you have to do.

Bottom line here is, the urban grit of the big city is not for the faint of heart. Its not because of the thugs, thieves, peddlers, panhandlers, muggers, etc. making the city hard to live in. What makes it hard is, you have to be willing to muster enough inner strength to live in the loneliness and sadness of withdrawing and keeping to yourself and nothing further beyond that because doing so is one of the most important tools of survival outside of having street smarts. My bunny has been there, been through it, and done it. And I saw him do it again with my own two eyes. Quite frankly it was something that amazed me but also gave me a humbling lesson of what sacrifices one has to make to make it in the big city.